Infertility then termination of 3rd??(8 Posts)
My dh has low sperm count. We were told it was practically impossible to conceive with his numbers so we did ivf after nothing happening for 5 years. Long story short, 6 attempts and 3 miscarriages later we have our beautiful 2 children. Life is perfect. Except I was made redundant after maternity leave followed shortly by my dh. We’ve both been lucky enough to get new jobs but neither has been started. I’ve now become the breadwinner as dh’s salary has been reduced by half. I’ve suddenly found myself pregnant and I don’t know what to do. It is a bloody miracle but the timing is awful and we’re aware that a third would really impact life a lot. We’ve somehow gone from desperate to be pregnant to seriously considering termination but having gone through so many scans where there is no heartbeat, I’m not sure I can knowingly stop a miracle viable pregnancy. Not sure what to do at all. Any wisdom?
So sorry that you're going through this I think the only thing to do is weigh up the pros and cons of continuing this pregnancy. Keep asking yourself if you'd regret to go through with the pregnancy? I don't think many people regret actually having a child but know of many who regret not keeping one. Do what's best for you and your family
How are you set up at home and in terms of transportation? Our 3rd was expensive because I couldn't get 3 in the back (where we live requires DC in the back) so needed a new car and we needed to move. Childcare has been expensive and we suffer from childcare fatigue. If your DH isn't working can he take advantage and find a job around your hours? At one point it would have been better for me to have gotten a job stacking shelves at the supermarket at night than work as a qualified accountant. Totally crazy but that is the reality when you have high childcare costs.
This is a crisis pregnancy just like any other crisis pregnancy. Your contraception (the tiny liklihood of conceiving naturally) failed.
Try to let go of the history you have around getting pregnant, and just look at the situation in the here and now.
You didn't expect to be pregnant. It wasn't planned. Will adding a third child work for you as a family?
Thank you for your replies. It feels like I've read the whole internet trying to figure out what to do and change my mind every 10 minutes. I would always feel incredibly guilty if i didn't go through with this, but also feel awful every time my current two get hurt because of the impacts of a third sibling. My older child would just be starting school by the time the youngest starts nursery but we're looking at 4/5 years of full time nursery for two which is about 2k. We have no family close by who could help us reduce this. Bugger, and then there would be costs with pre-post school care for the eldest. I don't think we afford to do this but I know I'm going to get to the point where we find out it's viable and I won't be able to go through with it. Keep trying to tell myself that it's not a baby. It's just the potential to be one.
If you contact Marie Stopes they offer free phone counselling.
I spoke with them in a similar position and found it helpful to speak with someone who had no personal interest or bias. A slightly warning - the first person I spoke to said I needed to have a procedure booked, which upset me as I wasn't sure at all and not ready to do this - however this was not correct, a second nurse was lovely and much more helpful and the counsellor themselves was completely objective, it was more about asking me questions and letting me work through my own thoughts.
They will organise someone quickly and there is no limit on number of sessions until you have made a decision either way.
One other note having also been through a number of miscarriages before carrying to term, and then having a statistically very unlikely third pregnancy - it's not at all 'ungrateful' or anything else to not continue with a pregnancy. If anything, after all you've been through jou are more understanding of the importance and risk of all this than many other couples. You've gone through a lot to build your family, and it's a totally valid decision to decide to keep that family the size it is now. Or if you choose to go ahead, you shouldn't feel any guilt at having considered termination, it's just a sign of how much thought and care you put into doing the right thing for your family.
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