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Oh fuck I'm pregnant at 47

(12 Posts)
OhfuckImpregnant Wed 04-Jul-18 15:42:37

Sitting in tears. New relationship with lovely man but only 6 months and we are taking it slowly. My youngest is 9 and I have adult children. We have both expressed that neither of us wants more children

Condom split...god knows how we are careful. I felt odd and have taken an early indicator test...Two lines FFS

Can any one reassure me that ...I know it sounds awful...I will misscarry? Due to my age etc

I have no idea how I will tell him. Or what his reaction will be . I can't keep it if it's viable. How quickly can you take the abortion pill?

I really like him but I think this could easily break us up as I don't think he would cope with the knowledge. My head is all over the place

Lostalldirection Thu 05-Jul-18 14:09:47

Hi OP.

You have my total understanding and sympathy, I found out two months ago that I'm pregnant and I'm 45. Different circumstances to you because I'm with a long term DP and have two children aged just 3 and 21 months but we were certain our family was complete and had absolutely no plans to have any more.

I was in complete shock and couldn't stop crying for weeks. We looked at our options and started going down the termination route, initially had a medical abortion booked but couldn't go through with it because I was too emotional, so then had a surgical booked (twice!) but eventually we decided we just couldn't do it and I'm now 17 weeks pregnant.

I completely understand if you don't want to continue the pregnancy but don't leave it in the hope you will miscarry because you might not. I hoped I would miscarry up until I was 12 weeks and then realised it probably wasn't going to happen.

My advice to you would be if you want to end the pregnancy do it asap. I was told the earlier the better if you opt for a medical (pills) termination and even with a surgical one I think it's causes you more distress the further along the pregnancy you are.

OhfuckImpregnant Thu 05-Jul-18 15:12:45

Thank you Lost

It's totally impractical and I couldn't cope. However, my hormones and emotions are literally all over the place

I told him. He's been wonderful and supportive and agrees fully on a termination. It's his preference. And logically mine. But for some reason I can't be decisive. I'm hoping when the shock wears off I will see clearly

Kokeshi123 Thu 05-Jul-18 15:21:49

Don't trust that you'll miscarry. Even at 47, I think the odds are just about against a miscarriage.

Think about how you'd feel if you suddenly did miscarry--would you feel relieved or sad/hollow? That will tell you whether it is right for you to terminate or not.

CherryPavlova Thu 05-Jul-18 15:28:45

Could you not have used emergency contraception given your condom split? Get an appointment with a ToP clinic by phoning BPAS central number. They will talk you through your options. Medical abortion with both tablets taken simultaneously would be least disruptive but does have a higher failure rate. Talk to their counsellors.

OhfuckImpregnant Thu 05-Jul-18 15:38:22

Afraid I was in a country where MAP is not available at the time. Also I'm 47 the chances of pregnancy from a one off accident are statistically extremely low so I didn't stress . Back in the UK now

OhfuckImpregnant Thu 05-Jul-18 15:40:23

I think I'd be happier if I misscarried. But I know it's unlikely. Have tried to get through to BPAS and MS. No joy

Thank you all for all your comments. No fool like an old fool huh

Lostalldirection Thu 05-Jul-18 15:43:45

I'm really pleased you told him, it's a heavy burden to deal with on your own and then keep a secret forever.

I couldn't think straight either. I would get up one morning and feel really clear and know I was doing the right thing in having a termination and felt really strong and together about it....and then I would get up the next day and feel really emotional and unable to visualise myself going through with it and wonder if I would regret it and then I would cry on and off all day.

I went through BPAS and the counsellor I spoke to said 'there is no such thing as a right or wrong decision, it's whichever one you can live with' and I think it's so true. It really is the most horrendous position to be in.

To be honest with you if my children were older then I would've had the termination. I couldn't imagine being mid 40's with older children and starting again. For me it's only because my children are so young so I'm still in the toddler and pre-school stage that swayed us both towards continuing the pregnancy.

You're having to deal with the shock of being in this situation whilst trying to cope with your hormones bouncing all over the place, it really does make it hard to see things clearly. I had two abortions, one at 18 and another at 20 and I knew immediately it was the right decision. I think it's so much harder to make that choice when you have children, I think you view it differently. You have to put yourself first x

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname Thu 05-Jul-18 15:45:27

After a mc at 45 my gp told me virtually zero chance I would carry a baby to term. At 47 the chances of mc are high, mainly as the eggs won't be of a viable quality.

Lostalldirection Thu 05-Jul-18 15:47:58

OP - you may find it a comfort to know we didn't even use contraception. We had sex straight after my period had finished and after watching my cycles like a hawk and taking ovulation tests etc whilst trying to conceive my other two I thought I knew my cycles beyond any doubt and I was nowhere near that fertile window. It was the only time we had sex that month. I can also sympathise that you felt it was extremely unlikely to happen because of your age, I felt the same.

OhfuckImpregnant Thu 05-Jul-18 16:10:27

Thank you Lost. I'm sorry it's been such a tough time for you

My children are older...and I'm having crazy thoughts about having the baby and getting it adopted....my brain is not functioning as I know it

It's not fair to impose further parentage on him either. I think I will terminate...just need to get to acceptance. I have had 2 other abortions too. One I didn't regret for a millisecond. The other I did for years

I was just getting my freedom. I need to focus on that

Daisydream Sun 22-Jul-18 09:09:26

I was in the same situation as you almost 2 years ago. Was 47, had been with my DP a year (don’t live together) and we had 5 children between us already. My two were late teens so I had just got my life back and was also doing a post grad through work.

I found out at 7 weeks and was in total denial. Keep thinking (hoping) it was a mistake and plucked up the courage to tell my DP when I was 10 weeks. We both agreed an abortion was the best for everyone taking into account my age, possible problems with the pregnancy/baby, finances etc but it was the toughest, most heartbreaking decision I’ve ever made.

By the time I had been to my GP and got an apt with BPAS I was 13 weeks. I had a surgical abortion with conscious sedation and the procedure was fine and I didn’t feel a thing but emotionally I was a wreck (hormones probably played a huge part in that). I felt so guilty and felt I had let my other two kids down who had always wanted a younger sibling but me and my DP weighed up the pros and cons and did what we thought was best for everyone.

I hope you can get an appointment soon as by 13 weeks emotionally it was so much harder as I had started to bond with my baby and went through countless scenarios in my head about keeping my baby :-(

Hugs to you xxx

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