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(9 Posts)
2016mama Fri 29-Jun-18 11:54:46

Got pregnant whilst taking the pill, partner has already said he doesn't think he wants another baby when we had previously talked about it, he knows I do but it's not something that we would of been thinking about any time soon.
We have a 22 month old already.
I don't want to keep a baby that my partner doesn't want but also finding it really hard to face having an abortion and don't know how I would feel after if I ended up going through with it.
Just really wanting some advice? Anyone else been in this situation and what was the outcome? Thanks

motherhood1 Fri 29-Jun-18 13:42:21

This is a similar experience to the one I had. I was with my partner, we had a 9 month old together already and he didn't want another baby. He told me that it was the wrong time and we could have another when we were more ready, etc. My heart was never for abortion and nor was my head really but everyone's opinions and constant input got to me and I went through with an abortion I never wanted to have really. I felt really low after for a very long time. That was 3 years ago and I'm still not completely over it but I am slowly coming to terms. It's really important you make the right decision for yourself and it's you that has to live with it. Take as much time as you need and value your own wishes. Take care and good luck smile

2016mama Fri 29-Jun-18 14:32:22

Thanks appreciate that

Lostalldirection Sat 30-Jun-18 06:53:11

I was in a very similar position. We had an 8 month old when I discovered I was pregnant again. We were both in complete shock for about a month, we'd had sex once that month at a time we thought was outside of that fertile window. I cried everyday for three weeks trying to decide what to do and my DP was adamant he didn't want another baby. Our first was and still is a terrible sleeper. Eventually I decided I just couldn't go through with an abortion and continued with the pregnancy. It was a hard pregnancy because we were both already completely sleep deprived and DP was completely beside himself with worry as to how we would cope especially financially. forward two years and any thoughts of DC2 being a 'mistake' are long gone, we love them both equally, they adore each other and we couldn't imagine our lives without DC2.

It is a horrible position to be in, absolutely awful. I remember it vividly. I had two abortions when I was in my teens and on both of those occasions I knew instantly I didn't want to continue the pregnancy. I do feel if it takes you several weeks to decide and there is a strong pull towards continuing the pregnancy, your 'set up' is ok and it's really just about whether the timing is right for another baby then perhaps continuing is the right option. It's a really really hard decision. Good luck OP. x

2016mama Sat 30-Jun-18 07:47:30

Thanks good to hear different decisions x

Loopytiles Sat 30-Jun-18 07:50:46

It’s solely your decision.

You say DP, does that mean you’re not married? Do you WoH? If not, unless you have substantial financial assets of your own you’re in a very vulnerable position financially, which having DC2 would make worse, so that’s a factor to consider too.

Loopytiles Sat 30-Jun-18 07:51:50

Also, how old are you? Do either of you have any known fertility issues?

Lostalldirection Sat 30-Jun-18 09:32:51

Just as a footnote OP, we had three appts at BPAS. The first was to have a medical abortion consultation and pills on the same day but I couldn't do it. And then two further appts for a surgical but again I just couldn't do it on the day. The counsellor I spoke to at BPAS said 'there's no easy decision, and no right or wrong decision, it's whichever you feel you can live with'. x

2016mama Sat 30-Jun-18 14:21:51

Thanks that's good to know I keep thinking if I decide abortion then that's it I'm going through with, nice to be reassured that I can still change my mind. I have an appointment with the doctor next week and think I will be booked in for a scan to see how far along as we couldn't work it out will see how we go from there.

And no there aren't fertility issues or other things to worry about financially or anything thanks.

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