Hi all
I had a medical abortion 2.5 weeks ago. I was at 5 weeks + 6 days. The decision was made very quickly, because we cannot for many reasons have another DC right now.
DD9 has special needs, DH has an auto immune illness, and I'm very underweight. Too many things that convinced me I couldn't have a healthy baby, and wasn't strong enough to look after a newborn.
I am nonetheless heartbroken and I feel guilty, empty, I feel so much grief, and I haven't told anyone. I'm seeing an abortion counselor at the hospital and it's helping me a bit.
But my DH is so indifferent! He was very supportive during it - the most awful weekend of my life - but since then, he has clearly moved on, no regrets whatsoever, he never ever talks about "it", and I'm mad at him because of that.
Is it typical for DHs to react that way?
He says he's "numb", that "we have too much chaos in our lives already" to which I answer an abortion is not "just part of the chaos", like a car accident or money problems, it's a tragedy on its own (my feelings at least).
He seems to think that we made the decision, and that's it. No need to be mulling over it like I do. I do feel some regret, mixed with grief.
It's only been 2 weeks, and he was already like that last week, while I was still bleeding heavily.
I told him about my massive cramps and all the gory details of the big clots, just to make sure he really got the picture. But not really. He always called the embryo a "blastocyst", never anything else, and he never touched my belly while I was still pregnant.
Generally he has a tendency to throw all the serious stuff under the carpet, and has narcissistic tendencies too. But when he says he "must feel neutral in order to function" I just see lack of empathy.
WTF.
Is this ok? Or am I right to be mad?
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How did your DHs react post abortion?
12 replies
eskimomama · 21/06/2018 12:14
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