Pregnant at 45

[Idontknowwhatithink]

I've just discovered I'm pregnant. I'm 45 with an 18 month old and a 3 year old. Been with DP 9 years. I thought I was incredibly lucky to have babies at 42 and 43 as I have several friends from early 30's to mid 40's ttc and going through IVF. Our family is complete or so I thought. I can't believe I'm pregnant and neither can DP who is adamant we can't manage or afford another baby. We are really struggling financially as I've been made redundant from my full time job and was the main earner. We rent, have no savings, and we both now have debt.

I'm beyond shocked at being pregnant. I honestly thought it virtually impossible at 45 and yet this was a one hit wonder at a time I honestly thought was nowhere near the 'right' time.

I don't know what to do. Part of me feels there is no way I/we can cope practically,financially and would it even be fair on our other two who are just starting to really play together and get on so well.

Has anyone else had an unplanned pregnancy in their mid 40's? What did you do? How did you reach your decision?

[Aprilmightbemynewname]

I had ds at 43, planned. I ttc again at 44 but miscarried. Apparently its 50/50 odds as to keep /lose. I have given up at 46.
My ds is well loved by his siblings and regarded as a bonus baby!

[Idontknowwhatithink]

Thank you for replying April.

Do you mind me asking how many weeks were you when you miscarried?

That is another thing that isn't far from my mind. I've read different stats in different places, some say mc rate is 60% at 45 others say 80%.

[Aprilmightbemynewname]

Went fine til 8 weeks. Had a tiny smudge of coloured cm and just knew. Scan showed it had no hb and was 6 weeks size. Gutted.
Not a bfp since, it was 4 days before my 45th birthday.
I would take each day as it comes. I was at the' if it's meant to be' stage of life I think.

[Idontknowwhatithink]

I'm sorry you had to go through that April. I had a mmc at 10 weeks before my first child. I'm so torn between feeling if its meant to be and it would be completely irresponsible and unfair on everyone inc my two children to continue.

[Aprilmightbemynewname]

In your shoes I would have to give the pregnancy a chance. The what ifs would trouble me..

[kitty1013]

Hi idontknow
I really feel for you , it's such a difficult situation to be in. And the hormones going crazy it's so hard to think straight :(
I am 44.5 and pregnant with DC6. I was very much finished , my youngest is 3 and just started kindergarten.
I dithered at first. I rang BPAS but somehow couldn't take it any further.
I had two MC at 8 weeks when I was 42. I've read there's about a 50% chance of MC aged 44/45.
So I just thought, let's see how far we get. And if we get past 8 weeks, I'll have NIPT to check common chromosome problems.
Well I'm now 18 weeks, low risk NIPT, it looks like I'm having this baby!
I am happily married and we can afford it. But I'm struggling a bit; I'd got so fit but I have put on weight, lost my fitness, beginning to struggle with SPD already....

I guess you have to really think about what you want. Don't let the chance of MC make the decision for you, if you know what I mean? Just because you don't MC doesn't mean you have to have it.
But don't let anyone bully you one way or another.

My family have been very anti this pregnancy and it's been difficult and upsetting . But I'll survive!
Equally if you don't think it's right for your family don't think your age means it's "destiny" or a bad decision for you to make.

Sorry I'm waffling.
Good luck with your decision.
Kitty xxx

[Smarties01]

I too had an unplanned pregnancy at 42. I’m now 44. We have 2 boys who at the time were 3&5.
We struggled to conceive DS1 and were successful after 3 IVF attempts. DS2 appeared as if by magic after just a few months of trying.
To find myself pregnant at 42, I was absolutely devastated. I felt absolutely no joy at the prospect of being pregnant again even though I’d been so desperate in the past to be pregnant.
With the support of my husband we decided to terminate. I was 5 weeks and 6 days when I had the procedure. Even though I was absolutely adamant that I didn’t want to be pregnant, once I’d had the procedure, I struggled with my mental health. I felt guilt that was indescribable, I hated myself and I sunk into a deep depression.
Only now, 2 years on, am I beginning to move on.
Even though I was 101% sure of my decision, I never expected to feel how I did after.
Whatever decision you make, it has to be right for you and you have to be sure in your heart of hearts. Please be kind to yourself and know that whatever decision you do make you’ll be making it for the right reasons at that time. Only now can I see that I made the decision for the greater good of my family.
Sending you lots of xx