Unwelcome BFP, sucks either way I go

[duffed]

Shit. Am pregnant due to contraceptive failure with my live in boyfriend. Use an app that alerted me... peed on a stick to confirm and its worked out i'm 4+2 so caught early.

Am still married though have been formally separated from DH for a year, but we dragged on a bit for a few years on off before that seeing other people. We have an infant school child together.

Am also mentally ill and under care of community mental health team (hardly see due to staff shortages and a series of fuck ups). Have several other health problems/disabilities. take a ton of meds, have cervical abnormalities due to active HPV. Not a healthy bunny. I have been unable to work for past year and on a long waiting list for intensive therapy. Money is super tight.

Boyfriend (who is a lovely supportive guy with a good full time job) has said he'd prefer I terminated as i'm married, but he's happy to support me whatever I choose.

I feel a bit dead inside and trapped - either way this is going to cause a lot of crap feelings. I never thought i'd consider an abortion, but i don't think i could go it alone and feel shame about the circumstances, let alone whether my health problems would cause abnormalities or problems for the child or make my issues worse. I'm just about managing to stay afloat as it is - but not sure I could forgive myself if i went through with a termination - and worried if that will make my mental health nose dive - not sure I could cope with a new baby either.

There's so much fear for me with either choice i'm not sure how i'm meant to figure out what I want.

[TammySwansonTwo]

I’m so sorry, I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. I have lots of health problems and 18 month old twins and it’s so incredibly hard, even without MH issues on top. I also have a very hands on and supportive DH who holds things together when I can’t any more.

I think you need some counselling specifically around this issue. It may well be that terminating this pregnancy is the best for everyone involved but that doesn’t mean it won’t be difficult.

Hang in there

[duffed]

thank you - just getting this out of my head felt good. Counselling sounds good - though i'm not sure who exactly I should contact to try and arrange that. I've seen places that offer abortions say they offer counselling, though seems to be part of initial consultation for terminations - so worried about bias or feeling obliged to not make a fuss having contacted them. I've been waiting several months for nhs therapy so not sure my CMHT could help, and apparently being under CMHT means you are excluded from IAPT type services. am worried about more long waiting lists.

[TammySwansonTwo]

I think you can call BPAS for support or links to options in your area. No one you see should be pressuring you one way or another, in any way at all.

[duffed]

Thanks - I plucked up my courage and called BPAS and have an appointment in a couple of days. - they said they'll be able to discuss medical risks and refer me to the hospital if more specialist help is needed, and if i need it after the consultation they can can refer me for further counselling, and offer it after termination if i go for that too - so that sounds reassuring. I made it clear I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and they said that's fine, so feel like i'll be supported here.

[TammySwansonTwo]

That’s such good news - well done for being so brave. Sending you hugs and

[duffed]

Have decided to go ahead and have this baby - have a lot of support from the hospital lined up. still not really happy about it, but i think i'm still in shock.

[thebumpyride]

Congratulations duffed, wishing you all the best :)

[SirVixofVixHall]

Really wish you the best op.

[duffed]

Thank you - have already had two scans to check the little bean is ok!

Would really recommend BPAS to anyone - they are so non judgemental and helpful and helped me make the right decision for me, in my own time.

[SirVixofVixHall]

So heartening that you had the right kind of support. Congratulations on the bean .

[catbasilio]

OP congratulations with the decision.
What are you going to do about your divorce though?

[duffed]

didn't see this - I think, really the divorce is not really the pressing issue it felt like.

However, as you asked- Its paperwork, it will get sorted at some point when money is less of an issue. we have no assets to divide and already have maintenance/contact sorted so it's practical impact is very small - only symbolic. my focus is on keeping balance of healthy mum/healthy baby for now.