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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Pregnant and not 100% sure what I should do

(18 Posts)
Luckyme30 Mon 22-Jan-18 08:19:57

I found out that I'm pregnant 10 days ago (around 6 weeks pregnant) and I don't know what to do for the best, please don't judge me but I've had a termination before and so even I'm struggling not to judge me!

When I think about it part of me wants the baby because I'm certain at some point I would like children - I'm in a stable relationship and although it would be a struggle financially whilst I am unable to work I know we could make it work.

The other part of me (at the moment this feeling is stronger) is scared and hates the thought of being pregnant and everything that comes with it. I think because I've had a termination before it's like this is the only thing I know and it's the 'safe' option because then everything will go back to normal after.

I'm so confused, since finding out I've felt so low and depressed and hardly got out of bed (I have suffered bad nausea and other symptoms) but That tiny bit of me sees a future with children in it.

I've tried to arrange counselling but bpas can not offer me a telelpjone appointment until 6th February!

Anyone been in a similar situation before? I just need some hand holding x

coffeeforone Mon 22-Jan-18 08:33:26

How does your other half feel about it?

Luckyme30 Mon 22-Jan-18 10:45:24

He said that he will support me with whatever choice I make. He said he has noticed that I've not been myself since we found out and he said he just wants the old me back - I have been quite down since finding out but I'm scared this is how I am used to feeling as I've previously terminated sad

AnnaLuna Mon 22-Jan-18 12:46:00

I feel exactly the same with my pregnancy, only had abortion and miscarriage before.
Are you 7 weeks now?

AnnaLuna Mon 22-Jan-18 12:48:21

I've been bleeding for a few days, seemed to stop now. Was so terrified the pregnancy stopped. Now I am worried that the pregnancy continues. I am going mad.

Lilonetwo Mon 22-Jan-18 12:59:49

Could you be feeling down as you simply don't know what to do (keep or terminate). Rather than feeling down about being pregnant.

I'm a terribly indecisive and often feel down when I can't make up a decision.

Sorry is this wasn't helpful.

Luckyme30 Mon 22-Jan-18 13:26:46

AnnaLuna Scary feeling isn't it? I'm around 6-7 weeks but won't know until I go to clinic for a scan - can't even get a telelphone appointment until 7 feb though!

I feel so undecided but I think the biggest part of me does not want to go through with this but I'm worried if/when I really do feel ready for a child (if that happens) then I won't be able to have one. Am I being silly? Maybe that would be for the best as clearly I can't decide what is the best thing to do for me sad

Have you made any decisions AnnaLuna?

Luckyme30 Mon 22-Jan-18 13:28:57

Lilonetwo At first before I considered termination (when I first found out) I still felt down, my partner noticed how down I have been since finding out. Not sure if like you say though it's because I can't quite decide what option is best.

I can't find anyone/anywhere for help and support as bpas cant offer me an appointment to even talk it though until feb and my GP when I explained to him was rather patronising (maybe I shouldn't be so suprised as I've had one termination, maybe he has no sympathy for me)

coffeeforone Mon 22-Jan-18 13:39:12

If you provisionally booked a termination via your GP, would you be able to get some kind of 'pre-termination counselling/advice sooner'?

It must be awful not having anyone to talk to - sound like you want to talk things through with a professional.
Have you tried NUPAS (0333 004 6666) or Marie Stopes (0345 300 8090) to see if you can talk to someone sooner?

coffeeforone Mon 22-Jan-18 13:54:13

Or could you see another GP at your practice who may be more sympathetic?

How did you feel before your termination last time? Were you more decisive about it? I think it might be helpful to compare how you felt then to how you felt now.

But at the same time, try not to link the two situations, treat this independently, try to put the previous termination to the back of your mind and think about your current situation. The second sentence of your original post suggests you really are in two minds.

I really do feel for you. My first pregnancy was unplanned, we were living somewhere completely unsuitable for a baby and the pregnancy was a shock and certainly not a pleasant surprise, it us took a few months to come round to the idea, but we did 'make it work' in the end. Was decided that it was unplanned in a 'bad-timing' sort of way rather than completely unwanted.

Thinking practically, I think it really depends on how far in the future you would like children and your current age.

Luckyme30 Mon 22-Jan-18 14:00:19

Thank you for your responses coffeeforone I'm going to see if I can get in touch with Marie Stopes although not sure they are very local to me but may be worth having a chat to someone.

You are very right I really am in two minds, I think the thought of being pregnant and not being excited scares me and I know from what other people have said they would be worried if I wasn't scared but it just seems like an alien feeling to me.

I am 30 and so age I suppose is on my side but not for too much longer. It's so hard I really do feel extremely torn as to what to do x

AnnaLuna Mon 22-Jan-18 18:03:01

Luckyme30, I haven't made the decision, my situation is complicated as I am pregnant not by my husband.
You've still have some time to think about it.
I am just over 8 weeks.
Are you in a stable relationship? 30 is a good age to have a baby, when you are still have a lot of energy. I am 40, and have long term illness which is now in remission.
Give yourself time to think, if you really want a baby it's probably better to keep this pregnancy. If you terminate now, there is no guarantee that you'll get pregnant when you decide you want a baby. Just my thoughts smile

AnnaLuna Tue 23-Jan-18 12:54:50

Luckyme30, how are you doing? smile

Luckyme30 Tue 23-Jan-18 16:22:17

Hi annaluna thank you for asking, as the days go by I'm feeling more and more bogged down by the decision. Called bpas again today and they really can't see me until 6th Feb so have 2 more weeks to agonise over what to do. I'm still more sure I want terminate as just don't feel ready on an emotional, financial and physical side of things sad

I will no doubt regret it and I do wonder if I'm ever going to feel ready for children.

How about you? Hope you're ok x

AnnaLuna Wed 24-Jan-18 10:34:42

Hi Luckyme30. Whatever you decide it will be right for you. 6th Feb is not too far and then you'll be more sure in your decision.
I don't know what I am going to do. Doesn't look good. I am going to have counselling and see how it goes.

Luckyme30 Wed 24-Jan-18 13:38:51

Are you having counselling privately or through GP referral? Just wish there was someone I could talk it through with my before my appointment but they can't offer anything until I've been 'assessed'.

I do hope the counselling helps you, feel for you at the moment, it's not a nice way to feel at all.

My symptoms are particularly bad today, I have felt on the edge of throwing up all day and feel so weak sad trying to get through work this week has been extremely difficult. Hope your week is going better! X

AnnaLuna Wed 24-Jan-18 19:45:05

Luckyme30, I am sorry you feel awful. I've been feeling nauseous and tired.
Going to talk to my GP about counselling again, I told her last week I need counselling and she said they only provide it with the termination. If she refuses again then maybe I'll go private.
Hope you are feeling better.

AnnaLuna Sat 27-Jan-18 00:55:47

Luckyme30, hope you are ok.
Found this link, could be helpful.
www.pregnancychoicesdirectory.com/centreservices/pregnancy-crisis-counselling
You can find pre and post abortion counselling clinics on there too.

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