Advanced search

This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Help! Advice needed snould i keep this baby

(6 Posts)
Mumichelle Sun 03-Dec-17 00:13:50

I am in absolute turmoil as i have just found out two days ago that i am pregnant with my 4th child. My partner and i already have three children together ages 10, 7 and 5 and we both felt that our family was complete and that we would not have any more. I already considered a termination with my third but could not go through with it. We have two girls and a boy who is disabled so we are definately spread pretty thin already but i know that we would both love another son but as we have no way of knowing whether it is a boy or girl this is adding to my confusion over what to do, who has four children nowadays anyway? We are in such a good place at the moment as the past few years have been difficult with our sons illnesses and my own issues with stress and anxiety i have revently lost 2 stone and am in a great place mentally this as completely thrown me and i dont know what to do. I must only be 4 wks but i dont know if i can live with myself if i go for an abortion

differentnameforthis Sun 03-Dec-17 00:45:34

No one can, or should try to tell you what to do. This is a very personal choice.

An abortion isn't the worse thing you can do. I terminated my third pregnancy for lots of reasons and the only emotion I felt was relief.

My dd (now 9) was 6mths old at the time and not an easy baby, we know now that that was because she is autistic and has severe sensory issues around clothing. But until she was 7, I didn't even know that was a thing, to be honest! We didn't even know she was autistic until late last yr! Our life is very stressful, and when I think we could have have a child only a yr younger than her...I feel huge relief that I made the decision I made.

Termination isn't always something that you "have to live with" I certainly don't live with it. Like a bad career move years ago, my termination was just something that I lived through for a short period of time.

It's in the past now.

Mumichelle Sun 03-Dec-17 01:09:34

Thankyou for this perspctive as i feel like everything i have read is only women regretting their decision or having lots of guilt and depression, l feel like my mind keeps changing and i know whatever i decide it wont be easy.

differentnameforthis Sun 03-Dec-17 02:26:04

I made my decision based on what my children needed from me, and what I was able to cope with.

I knew that if I had 2 under 2 I would NOT cope. My children deserved more than a mother who wasn't coping.

It is not an easy decision. Regardless of your choice there will always be "what ifs" and buts and maybes. You have to decide what is right, right now.


MeltingSnowflake Sun 03-Dec-17 03:22:02

Totally agree with differentnameforthis - no one else can give you the answer to this, and people who try to should be ignored - this is absolutely up to you - and your DH, of course, but ultimately you. You need to consider what will be best for you, your family, and your others DCs.

Re: only knowing women who have regretted terminating, I have two close friends who have done so and neither of them regret it. It wasn't an easy decision for either of them, but it was certainly the right decision.

What does your DH think?

Mumichelle Sun 03-Dec-17 19:08:55

I feel a little less stressed today as i am thinking of keeping the baby my DH said he will support me whatever i decide and hasnt tried to pursuade me one way or the other. I keep reading things on the development of the embryo but whilst my DH thinks of it as a bunch of cells to me its my growing baby and i just dont think the decision should be based on financial concerns, i guess my heart says one thing and my head another as it is just being practical. We are a close loving family and i think we have enough love for a new family member. It is likely i will ask the doctors if i can have my tubes tied after this though.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: