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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

In serious need of advice

(24 Posts)
Gillseybear Mon 20-Nov-17 02:58:25

Hey ladies, I have just found out that I am pregnant. I am only 20 years old and so it is a big thing for me. I have always been very anti abortion and I tried to tell my partner this but he is very certain that he is ready for kids yet. We have been together for other a year now and I was getting ready to start uni next year before this discovery.
I know that I have so much going for me but I do not want o have an abortion and my partner is determined to make me have one which I really do not want. He has totally freaked since he found out and that is making things really difficult as all he wants is for me to get rid of it.
I have tried telling him that I really do not want to get rid of the baby and he will not take no for an answer. In desperate need of advice.
Just a side note, I have endometriosis and there is a high chance that I will not be able to have kids in the future which has made me even more sure that I want to do this.
Please help
Gillseybear

MrsOverTheRoad Mon 20-Nov-17 03:45:00

Nobody can tell you to get an abortion. Nobody.

Not him, not anyone.

If you want this baby, then have it but prepare to be a lone parent.

There are FAR worse things to happen to a person than getting pregnant OP....it's going to be fine I'm sure.

Do you think your parents would help you? Where do you currently live?

stolemyusername Mon 20-Nov-17 06:28:09

Well it’s a bit tough shit on him really isn’t it? Regardless of him ‘not taking no for an answer’, the decision isn’t his to make. This is your body, if you choose to continue with the pregnancy then there is nothing he can do to stop you.

Cracklesfire Mon 20-Nov-17 06:56:32

You sound like you've made up your mind. Your partner can't make you do anything - if you want to keep this baby it's your decision but realistically it sounds like you'll be raising a child without him. He sounds very controlling? Do you have family & friends nearby that can help you?

Go see your GP this week or see if you can book an appt with midwife directly. They'll be able to advise you of what support is available.

Gillseybear Mon 20-Nov-17 07:28:48

Thank you all for the advice. I have an appointment with my go this morning at 9am. So will see how that goes. It is making things really difficult as I am really stressed and last night was the first time that I have been able to relax and get off to sleep before midnight although I was up and down a lot.
I honestly think that I would be able to do this but tha majority of people in my family other than my dad and my landlady think that I will not be able to do this because I have had some mental health issues because of things that happened while I was growing up.
Am really scared about what is going on but I am determined to make this work as I believe that I can do this even if I am on my own

Gillseybear Mon 20-Nov-17 07:29:46

I live in Oxfordshire. My mum has disowned me and we do not talk but I think that my dad would support me

Gillseybear Mon 20-Nov-17 09:43:02

Have been o the doctor and she has confirm d that I am pregnant

mussie Mon 20-Nov-17 10:02:26

Did the GP sort your first appointment with the midwife? As crackles said, the midwife can give you more advice on local support in your area

Mustang27 Mon 20-Nov-17 10:09:46

Yep just to join the other pp in saying no one can tell you to get an abortion your body your choice. Walk away don’t put the arse on the birth cert and just accept that life will look a little different to you planned for a little while. You will still have everything going for you.

Gillseybear Mon 20-Nov-17 10:20:21

Thank you so much for the advice everyone. The doctor has told me that I am about two weeks along and so it is not far. However, it does not make sorting things out any easier.
The doctors had advices me to contact the bsap to see what they have to say. I am just about to speak to the college nurse to get some advice

dede124 Wed 22-Nov-17 13:32:31

Don't do it if you don't want to. It's not up to him and he should've taken better precautions in the first place to avoid this situation if it's not what he wants. You sound like you have made your mind up and by the sounds of it I think you would regret it if you were to have an abortion. Even if you were to continue with your relationship you would resent him forever especially if you might struggle to conceive again! X

Gillseybear Wed 22-Nov-17 15:18:51

Yep that is exactly what I have been thinking. I have taken a few days out and am staying at my dads in swindon. Have just been up at the hospital because I have been bleeding and so I had to get myself checked out. Am now off home to relax

Mustang27 Wed 22-Nov-17 18:48:22

Gillsey it’s early early days so just take it easy you may feel different every day about the whole thing or you may feel absolutely decided both are a fine way to deal without this. Have you spoken to your dad about it all?

Gillseybear Wed 22-Nov-17 22:15:52

Yes I have spoken to my dad and he is very much like me in the sense of not agreeing with abortions. My dad has said that he will support me and that is why he has invited me here because he could see that o needed to desires and relax which I have been able to do

Mustang27 Thu 23-Nov-17 10:09:50

That’s really good you have spoken to family it makes a big difference. I hope the bleeding has stopped and you have managed to stay relax.

Gillseybear Thu 23-Nov-17 11:19:51

I am feeling a lot better now today. Am going home again tonight to chat to my other half and have a few conversations about this situation.

Gillseybear Thu 30-Nov-17 19:12:48

Hello ladies,

Am still really confused as have been to see the doctor again today and she had not been much help. They need to do a scan but not yet as it is to early. Am having all of the symptoms still and no actual period had appeared yet. What do I do now as my partner is really not keen for me to keep this baby

Swearwolf Thu 30-Nov-17 20:02:28

If you don't want an abortion, don't have one. Honestly, if you do, do you think you will be able to stay with him long term if he's pressured you into an abortion?

Where are you in Oxfordshire? That's where I am, pm me, I can help you find support if you're somewhere near me.

Gillseybear Fri 01-Dec-17 23:08:34

Thank you swearwolf. How do I message him ou personally?

Mustang27 Thu 07-Dec-17 13:27:27

Oh @Gillseybear I'm so sorry unfortunately he has no control over whether you keep the baby or not. If you terminate it's something you will live with forever and it will likely result in the end of your relationship but if you keep it is also a child that you will have for the rest of your life so both are life changing for you. You may have to accept that he will not ever be a father figure to your baby if you keep it but honestly he doesn't sound like he would be much of a lose to you or baby.

I hope you managed to get some more support close to you. It's worth while if you can find it.

Why is he so afraid of if you keep the baby?

Mustang27 Thu 07-Dec-17 13:27:59

That's supposed to say what* is he so afraid of.

Gillseybear Thu 07-Dec-17 13:57:11

He has stated that he is not ready yet and that he had other things that he wants to do before he had children. It is literally about the fact that he is genuinely not ready to have children yet

Gillseybear Fri 15-Dec-17 11:01:01

I have had a misscarrage and so am feeling rather shitty to be honest

Mustang27 Fri 15-Dec-17 19:56:10

I am so sorry @Gillseybear no matter the situation it is an awful experience. Please be gentle with yourself there was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Massive hugsthanks take as much time as you need.

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