I’m hoping for some advice. My son has got a girl pregnant and we’re devastated.
It’s a long story but I’ll try to brief..
my 25 year old son was in a loving relationship for nine years. He adored the girl and proposed marriage. She accepted, but then a few months later she left him for somebody else.
My son fell apart and had a serious emotional breakdown. We brought him home, looked after him and saw him through. He began to do a lot better and planned himself a new future that includes following his interests at university with the aim of finding a good job at the end.
In the meantime he moved in with his sister (younger by one year) and her housemate as it was closer to his college. He began a casual relationship with the housemate but made it clear he wasn’t looking for a relationship. The girl is now pregnant. She told him she was on the pill (although there’s now some doubt over that) but as I’ve explained to my son, if he didn’t want to be a father he should have used a condom. He acknowledges that and is angry with himself for being so irresponsible.
The girl has told him she knows he doesn’t want this, but she’s keeping it regardless and doesn’t mind if he’s not involved. (Apparently the girl has wanted a baby for a long time despite not being in a loving and commuted relationship.
We’re devastated for everyone concerned, especially the poor unborn child.
These are the issues:
- My son does not love the girl
- He does not want to be a father
- The girl’s life style choices aren’t compatible with bringing a baby into the world. She smokes and drinks heavily and is continuing this through the pregnancy. She is also incapable of keeping a house clean and tidy and lives in messy and unhygienic conditions. My husband and I are devastated as this is not how we wanted our first grandchild to arrive.
- There are two large dogs in the house. (This terrifies me!)
- Our son and daughter have always had a very close and mutually supportive relationship, this situation is going to jeopardise that relationship.
- Our son is saying he will have no contact with her or the child whatsoever. My husband and I don’t know where this leaves us as grandparents.
- Our daughter is the girl’s best friend AND aunt to the baby. Our daughter is extremely loyal to her friend and we believe she will lose contact with her brother and us if the girl keeps the child.
- My husband and I are devastated. We wanted better than this for any of our grandchildren and this has the potential to tear our family apart.
We are utterly heartbroken by this situation. Our son has been completely irresponsible and we feel helpless.
We appreciate this is also a difficult situation for the girl, and we know that she’s the one who has the most difficult decisions to make in this matter. We’re just struggling with the fact that our feelings and preferences are to all intents and purposes irrelevant.
I genuinely don’t know what to do. Amy advice will be gratefully received.
Thank you for reading my post.