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Advise on this man PLEASE x

(8 Posts)
lydsim25 Tue 31-Oct-17 10:20:46

Hi everyone. I posted on here before but now my situations progressed...
I'm 3months pregnant. Been with OH over a year. It's my 3rd baby but our 1st together... wasn't planned.. had a change of pill.. caught really quickly. Anyway......
From the start OH has said he doesn't want it have an abortion.. I went to the abortion clinic and walked out crying... he hugged me and said it's ok don't worry and took me home... it was then never really spoken about and weeks went by... I have tried to talk to him so many times and he brushes it off and says "you know how I feel" iv shed buckets of tears for months.. felt ill all alone and still brung up my daughters and kept everything going.
He hasn't been to the midwife with me .. i have a scan on Thursday and im worried to tell him! Just to say .. we dont live together.. he lives with his parents after breaking up with ex wife 4 years ago but he stays at my hpuse every night. Whilst iv been pregnant hes been paranoid asking to go through my phone.. saying I'm having an affair.. when all I do is give my all to him and prove him wrong everytime. Because of this I came off all social media so he can't moan at me or think up stories... it's not how a 48 year old man should behave I know. Anyway.. this morning I tried to talk about the baby.. I said an abortion doesn't sit right with me and im keeping it. He said hes not elaborating on it with me. He makes me feel so alone. He has 2 children from previous marriage thst he has every other weekend and he still wants Me to make an effort with them even though he's making me feel awful about our baby.

Also.. iv never met his family which may not be a big deal to him i dont know...
I havnt told my family im pregnabt due to the situation.

I looked at my daughters this morning in the playground and thought to myself... where would I be without my best friends and ill be the same with this one...
I wonder to myself am i selfish having this baby because he's do against it? If he loved me surely he would find a way? We both have good jobs... I have my own house thats plenty big enough...

I'm on the verge of leaving him and telling him to never come back to my house... but I also would like this to work.. im just hurt so much... it's like i cant even mention anything baby.

Am I being manipulated and controlled? So much is going through my mind I don't know what to do for the best...

Thanks 4 any advise xxx

RafikiIsTheBest Tue 31-Oct-17 10:30:31

Am I being manipulated and controlled?

Simply - yes. He's controlling and emotionally abusive. No wonder you don't know whether you're coming or going.
He lost his rights about what would happen once he had sex with you, it's your body. He might not like it, but it's tough. I'm sorry but either way I'm not sure this relationship is going to be a good one. I think the best thing you can do is try to talk it out, if he's not interested then show him the door.
Are you scared of him? Is he intimidating or ever been physical? Even snatching or grabbing hold etc? If so I'd encourage you to get shut of him ASAP.
What was his relationship like with his ex, what is it like now? What was your ex like? Is this just a cycle going round, for either of you?

If you don't want another baby, get an abortion, if you don't want an abortion, keep the baby. To me, whilst each choice has consequences the decision should be what you really want.

lydsim25 Tue 31-Oct-17 10:44:05

Hi thanks 4 your reply it really helps..
He hasn't been physical but he's paranoid..
Example- turned up last week and said what are u doing on social media????? I havnt even got social media. He felt an idiot after. . When im at home he nips our of work and just turns up.. I use to think it was nice but now it's weird it's like he's checking on me... hes got a demanding stressful job so for him to keep coming out of work .....?????
At this very moment I think just leave me alone! I think he's a jelous person... x

ArcheryAnnie Tue 31-Oct-17 10:51:27

He is behaving really, really badly, OP, and you know this. I am so sorry you are going through this.

It's a massive, massive red flag when any man tries to control who his partner sees or talks to socially. You are a grown, responsible woman, and should not have to limit your social circle, online or off, in order to appease him.

As to your baby: he doesn't get to say whether you keep it or not - it's your body. If he is old enough to have sex, he's old enough to know that accidents happen, and can't be brushed under the carpet as an inconvenience.

Can you really see a future with someone who already treats you like this?

lydsim25 Tue 31-Oct-17 10:56:31

Thankyou your very right..
Id like a future and a proper family... but no i cant realisticaly see it because of his behaviour... he always tells me to leave him and when I try he gets paranoid and turns up and wants to talk... he makes everything impossible for me. I cannot win. X

Santawontbelong Tue 31-Oct-17 11:01:45

You and your 3 dc are a proper family. He is a twat and he needs kicking to the kerb ASAP.

ArcheryAnnie Tue 31-Oct-17 11:03:16

Agree with Santa - you already have a proper family, and he's not part of it, the way he's behaving.

Lillygolightly Tue 31-Oct-17 12:00:08

He doesn't sound like a good man OP, I mean seriously your pregnant and his become paranoid and started checking up on you and accusing you!! What is it he actually thinks you'd want to be doing with someone else when your pregnant with his baby!!!

You need to draw a line in the sand and stick to it. Tell him your keeping the baby, that's final and not up for discussion. Tell him has 2 options to get on board and be supportive with the pregnancy/impending baby (he doesn't have to be happy about it to be supportive and support you) or to leave. Don't push for an answer tell him to take his time and think about it and to let you know when he's made up his mind. Tell him that while he is thinking that's it's best you don't see each other so he has the space he needs to think clearly.

If you don't give him some sort of ultimatum he is going to keep messing you around for months to come and it will only get worse. Even if he decides to leave at least you will know where you stand and can prepare for what's to come. It will be much better than months of uncertainty with pregnancy hormones raging and him flip flopping changing his mind. Also how selfish of him to want and expect you to be involved with his DC whilst saying he doesn't want yours, how hurtful.

Best of luck.

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