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Should I abort

(22 Posts)
dazedandconfuse Tue 10-Oct-17 10:58:19

I have a 3 year old from a previous relationship and am now 13 weeks pregnant with a man who left me around 6 weeks ago and we've been on/ off since then. But I recently found out he's been sleeping around so I'm completely done with him. The total arsehole. (incredibly heartbroken as I thought we were best friends and I was completely in love with him but life is a bitch) He now wants absolutely nothing to do with his unborn child. I already love this baby and would like to keep it. I was 17 when I had my first child and raised him alone for the first 18 months until I met my new partner (my now ex who's turned into a dickhead) I coped well and I'm now 20, at university studying to become an English teacher and I have a part time job. My son and I currently live with my mum simply because she's got a lovely big house and loves having us here! We love being here but I'm planning on moving out in the next couple of months because A wonderful house nearby has come up for rent and I think it's time we moved into our own space. So that's my situation. If I was to go ahead and have this child would I be a complete idiot? Like am I completely deluded to think I could actually raise TWO kids alone and still be successful and them both feel happy and have the best life? I'd be able to carry on with uni and I'd take maternity leave from my job. I understand It would be a struggle and money would be very tight. I'm just looking for people's most raw opinions here and want to know personally what they would do. Am I a deluded idiot? Because I'm totally, totally effing lost

Shoxfordian Tue 10-Oct-17 14:54:12

In your situation I would personally have an abortion. Your child is growing up and you're doing your university course. Another baby would be hugely disruptive especially without any support from your ex.

heateallthebuns Tue 10-Oct-17 15:24:39

If you want the baby I wouldn't have an abortion. But I would think it's better to stay at your mums for a while. Renting seems an unnecessary expense and you will benefit from her support.

aliceinwanderland Tue 10-Oct-17 15:26:22

If you want the child you should keep it. Sounds like you have a good support network in place already.

wowbutter Tue 10-Oct-17 15:28:46

If it was e in this situation, I would have an abortion.
Training to be an English teacher, as a single parent to a toddler is going to be hard work. Add a newborn, and one thing would have to give.

MozzchopsThirty Tue 10-Oct-17 15:28:47

I’m pro choice but the fact you say that you’ve already fallen in love with this baby speaks volumes.
How do you think your mum would react?

And of course you can still bring up two children and have a career and give them the best you can

I wish you lots of luck xx

KarateKitten Tue 10-Oct-17 15:30:03

You want the baby so I don't think you should necessarily abort.

If it was me, I wouldn't have this baby. A child and no home and no career would not be stable or positive enough for me to consider having another child.

QuestionableMouse Tue 10-Oct-17 15:36:28

Sounds like you would regret having an abortion.

lalaloopyhead Tue 10-Oct-17 15:41:31

You have said yourself that you already love this baby. Sometimes it is the heart and not the head that makes the decisions.

Sure it is easy to say that in your situation others wouldn't go ahead but it is you that is pregnant and only you know how you would feel either way.

Life wouldn't be easy but there is always a way. Your Mum sounds supportive and maybe it would be a good idea to stay with her for a while, or until your get your training done.

GoldenOrb Tue 10-Oct-17 15:42:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ttbb Tue 10-Oct-17 15:43:44

I would suggest that you abort/adopt. I would also reccomend staying with your mother-she doesn't mind and will be of great help to you and you will be able to save for your don's future.

MissConductUS Tue 10-Oct-17 15:59:48

Can the authorities force the father to at least pay some child support money? If so and if you want the baby I'd say keep it. How would your mum feel about you staying with her and the new baby? That would make things much easier.

Your ex really shouldn't be able to just dodge all responsibility here.

verysleepymum Tue 10-Oct-17 16:06:36

You love the baby and want to keep it. That's all you need to know.

Life circumstances are changeable and your set up sounds fine, especially with your mums support! Of course you can raise two kids alone! Don't rush to move out of your mums if it's working though!

lydsim25 Wed 25-Oct-17 17:07:06

How can any of you say I suggest you abort????

She's 13 weeks so it's fully formed and she said she loves it. The poor girl needs to hear that she'll be ok and she can do it.

Im only 25 iv got 2 kids and one on the way and I work I have my own big house etc and im alone
U can do anything u put your mind to. Dont listen to people that say you've got too much going on.. its only too much for weak people that doubt them selves
Good luck babe xx

lydsim25 Wed 25-Oct-17 17:07:09

How can any of you say I suggest you abort????

She's 13 weeks so it's fully formed and she said she loves it. The poor girl needs to hear that she'll be ok and she can do it.

Im only 25 iv got 2 kids and one on the way and I work I have my own big house etc and im alone
U can do anything u put your mind to. Dont listen to people that say you've got too much going on.. its only too much for weak people that doubt them selves
Good luck babe xx

AdoraBell Wed 25-Oct-17 17:17:03

Only you can make the decision OP

Have you spoken to your DM, does she know that there may be a new baby in her house, and is she happy with that?

I would suggest that you remain with your DM if you go ahead with pregnancy and plan to move out once you have a secure, if that even exists, job that covers all your needs.

specialsubject Wed 25-Oct-17 19:47:41

Ah, an anti choicer . with the usual total lack of offer of practical support. There won't be any.

If you can manage alone, go for it. And set the c s a on both of your sperm donors. Best of luck in whatever you decide.

mummabear17 Wed 25-Oct-17 19:56:24

You’ve said you love the baby already. Fuck the bastards who have left you your babies will have everyone and everything they need!!! You need to know what you want to do I would also suggest staying with your Mum until you get settled at least. - she will be able to help & support you!!!

JKR123 Wed 25-Oct-17 20:04:47

You say you feel you love this baby. If this is true then you potentially face a lifetime of regret if you abort this baby. Things have a way of working themselves out. Choose the path of least regret.

Callamia Wed 25-Oct-17 20:13:51

You're already 13 weeks, so I kind of think that you've made your mind up. I think if you were seriously considering an abortion, you'd have done something about it by now.

I absolutely don't mean this as judgement, and I respect that you need to go through all options, but aside from practicalities (which you've tried to work through), you sound like you want this.

Whatever your decision, good for you. I hope you get some support (financial at least) from this baby's dad, and I hope you manage work and university (don't give up!). A three year old and a newborn isn't a bad gap at all (I have this), and you sound smart and resourceful.

WazFlimFlam Wed 25-Oct-17 21:30:40

If you want your baby have your baby.

As others have said it sounds like there is already a support network in place.

8DaysAWeek Wed 25-Oct-17 21:49:00

Thread was started two weeks ago. I hope whatever decision OP made she is happy with and all is going well flowers

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