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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

To be struggling so much to make this decision about whether or not to terminate pregnancy

(68 Posts)
Headoverheart11 Sun 01-Oct-17 21:35:56

There are a thousand good reasons not to go ahead with this pregnancy, impact on other DCs and marriage, finances (recently had a big change where DH lost his job, he is working again but on a day by day basis.

DH is strongly against abortion. If I tell him, I'm as good as conceding that I am havjng the child.

My head is a mess.

RandomMess Sun 01-Oct-17 21:41:39

Would you want to keep the baby if finances were better?

Moanyoldcow Sun 01-Oct-17 21:44:36

What do you WANT to do?

Headoverheart11 Sun 01-Oct-17 21:46:39

It isn't so much lack of money as lack of security in terms of DHs position. It certainly wasn't planned. My worry is the cost of childcare if I do have to go back to work - it would cost too much.

SandyY2K Sun 01-Oct-17 21:47:28

Was another child in your plans for the future?

SonicBoomBoom Sun 01-Oct-17 21:48:17

DH is strongly against abortion. If I tell him, I'm as good as conceding that I am havjng the child.

Then don't tell him until you're sure what YOU want. Your body, your choice.

Finances, other DC, your marriage can all be managed if you want to have this baby. What are your reasons in the 'for' column?

flowers

dontslouchdarling Sun 01-Oct-17 21:50:10

I'm sorry you're in this position. I'm firmly of the view that it's your body and your choice.

PurpleDaisies Sun 01-Oct-17 21:51:26

I'd talk with an impartial counsellor to help you clarify how you feel. This is totally your decision.

Headoverheart11 Sun 01-Oct-17 21:52:17

No plans at all to have another child.

My only reasons to have this baby are that I think I'd feel bad foe terminating. And also, the logistics of getting to the clinic and paying for the termination without DH knowing would be tricky.

PurpleDaisies Sun 01-Oct-17 21:53:09

Are you in the U.K.?

Snoopysimaginaryfriend Sun 01-Oct-17 21:53:19

If you want to have the baby would it be feasible for you to work and your DH to stay at home or go part time?

Allthewaves Sun 01-Oct-17 21:53:48

Could you work ft and dh become sahd if you were to continue with pregnancy

Headoverheart11 Sun 01-Oct-17 21:55:19

Yes, I'm in the U.K.

Dh earns more than me even on an ad hoc basis. I suppose I am just very conscious everything (time and money and everything) is split the more children you have.

I have horrible pregnancies as well.

chocolatespiders Sun 01-Oct-17 21:55:59

Think it through properly.
You could have a medical termination if early enough pregnancy.
flowers

Moanyoldcow Sun 01-Oct-17 21:56:51

I agree with dontslouch - it's your body and your choice whether to go through it but it's disingenuous to pretend there aren't many things to consider.

If your other children are much older then they may be negatively affected and that is something to consider for sure.

Do you want to start again with babies? It's a big deal, especially if you aren't 100% sure.

The fact you use the word 'conceding' says to me that you are more 'no' than 'yes' but I could be wrong.

Children are tough when they're planned, wanted, when you're financially secure and when you're young and fit. They're tougher still when you have doubts.

maternityleave Sun 01-Oct-17 21:58:31

Your body your choice but you should tell your dh, he in turn should respect your decision. If he doesn't then in your shoes I'd be seriously thinking about where the relationship was heading. It worries me you feel that by telling him about the pregnancy you are then forced to continue 😔

PurpleDaisies Sun 01-Oct-17 21:59:40

Since you're in the U.K., what makes you think you'd have to pay for a termination?

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sun 01-Oct-17 22:00:01

Honestly? I wouldn't do it. You will regret it forever, this is your child you're denying life to.

Threenme Sun 01-Oct-17 22:00:02

I sympathise with you it's sounds a hard situation. It is completely your body and your choice but you do have to remember it isn't a one night stand or casual partner, it's your husband. While of course the decision is 100% yours be prepared for the fact that if you don't tell him and he finds out he will never forgive you. If you decide to terminate I would be honest with him.

dantdmistedious Sun 01-Oct-17 22:02:17

You don’t have to pay for a termination in the uk.

You need to involve your DH but it’s ultimately your decision.

PurpleDaisies Sun 01-Oct-17 22:02:18

you might regret having a termination forever ahedgehog. Plenty of women don't.

RandomMess Sun 01-Oct-17 22:02:54

Is there any part of you that does want to keep the pregnancy? You haven't said yet that you do?

Headoverheart11 Sun 01-Oct-17 22:02:56

I know I could get one via my G.P. Purple but then it is in my medical records which I obviously need to avoid.

Telling DH is putting him in an impossible position and me as well.

chitofftheshovel Sun 01-Oct-17 22:03:11

I actually disagree that it is your body, your choice. I am absolutely pro choice but for me that includes the father as well as the mother.

OP I think you ought to talk to your DH about this.

Headoverheart11 Sun 01-Oct-17 22:03:49

Part of me does random, part of me is sentimentally considering names and prams and little baby clothes.

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