Timing could not be worse

[whatnowhuh]

Hi,

I'm in a really tricky situation. Have found myself very unexpectedly pregnant less than a week after starting new job (I'm almost 6 weeks pg I think). So wouldn't even be entitled to SMP. Finances aren't great for us currently so this would be really hard.

Youngest child is 12 so the age gap is huge, really not sure how it would work to have 3 teenagers and a baby in the house. Dread the idea of starting all over again, so to speak. And I already struggle to fit everything in, and to give kids enough attention as it is.

But the idea of an abortion fills me with dread, not just actually physically going through it but how I would cope afterwards. I hate the idea. My mental health hasn't been great historically but then this is also an issue when I think about going ahead with the pregnancy.

Just so confused and literally don't know what to do. DH being great and super supportive but he is just as shocked as I am and has the same sort of feelings of pros/cons.

I'm also concerned about getting appointments (whatever we decide) outside of full time work hours. Feel like I really can't have time off this early on in new job... how on earth would I explain it...

Any advice or shared experiences would be great, thank you in advance.

[NC4now]

Can't advise you as it's your decision, but my first pregnancy was in similar circumstances. It was a bit awkward!
I did get SMP. I held off telling my boss till the end of my probation (3 months). It was ok really. There wasn't much he could do.
I had the same feelings as you but I very much wanted the baby and found a way to muddle through.
He's 15 now! I do think maternity rights and pay have improved since then.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

[whatnowhuh]

Thanks for the reply and sharing your experience NC4. I'm glad it all worked out for you. How did you work time off for antenatal appointments? I keep swinging between deciding to keep it and deciding an abortion is best. I guess it's early days, we've only known for 24 hours! I'm going to talk to a good friend today but can't discuss with family as they are very anti abortion.

[whatnowhuh]

Hopeful bump!!?

[Unsureandupset]

What are you thinking now op?

I'm in a similar position and have no insight to offer. Keep going over it in my head and just going round in circles.

[NC4now]

I didn't see a midwife for a while as I was weighing it all up. I went to the FPC at first, which had clinics on a Saturday and in the evening. My GP had appointments after work too.
I told my boss at the end of my probation (3 months) and after that I just took the time I needed. It wasn't a disaster, though I'm sure there were raised eyebrows behind closed doors.

[NC4now]

The FPC made me speak to a counsellor there. They wouldn't refer you without seeing someone so it was the first port of call. I found it really helpful actually.

[whatnowhuh]

I'm thinking more and more each day that I want to keep the baby, but that doesn't erase all the worries and concerns that come with that. There are just so many things to consider. I've got a doctor's appointment after work one day next week so guess that's my first step. Although the longer it goes on the harder it will be to not continue, I keep reading about the current development and it's just astounding how much has happened already. Feeling pretty rough too and not sleeping much at all.

Thanks so much for the replies and support.

[whatnowhuh]

Update - morning/all day sickness has properly kicked in. Feeling awful - had hyperemesis in all my other pregnancies so this isn't unexpected but it's really hard to deal with whilst working and not being able to tell anyone about the pregnancy.
DH doesn't want to keep the baby. I'm torn between agreeing that it will rock our world so massively as a family (not in a good way) but also thinking I just can't go ahead with an abortion.

[misslost]

Having had a termination, I would say this, if your not 100% sure do not do it and do not do it because you feel forced. Try to find someone close to you to talk to who can offer you good advice.

[Joinourclub]

Check your eligibility for maternity allowance www.gov.uk/maternity-allowance

[roastandyorkies]

I agree with misslost. Plz don't have a termination unless you are 100% sure it is the right decision for you x

[misslost]

Roast xxxx I have a check up next week. Not all clear yet but will post update. Hugs to you. Xxx

[whatnowhuh]

Thanks for that link Join... I think I'll be eligible for maternity allowance so that's something. Such bad timing leaving my last job which would've given me 6 months full pay. But it is what it is.

Thanks misslost and roastandyorkies - had a massive talk with DH last night and told him I want to keep the baby and I think we can make it work. He wants to support me and even though he's got so many worries and concerns we've decided to go ahead... exciting and scary times!

Thanks for all the support I've had, I really appreciate it.

[NC4now]

Oh that's great news. It's scary but it sounds like the right decision for you. Things have a way of working out. I have never regretted making the same decision.

[whatnowhuh]

Thanks NC4. Life is going to change, that's for sure!! It was good to hear your story. Still worried about telling work, my probationary period ends in December but I fear I'm going to struggle to keep it under wraps until then mainly because of the sickness. We'll see.

[misslost]

Congratulations. X and all the best. X

[MaverickSnoopy]

Re work I would suggest documenting your good performance with them. So ask for short term objectives to be documented - we do monthly ones. Try to get feedback in email. A written paper trail of evidence should make you feel a bit better. At least if you didn't pass your probation and they knew you were pregnant you could challenge it with your evidence.