Unplanned and terrified

[Callmejudith]

I have two boys already and finally felt that I was getting my life back after the hard pre-school years. Our family is definitely complete. We had a lot of marital issues when the second was tiny.

I am 99% sure I am pregnant. 2 weeks late and boobs are agony and I feel sick. I'm terrified to test.

We have always said that we would only have two kids. I really really really don't want a third. When I think about going through with it I honestly can't see one pro.

But I feel utterly bereft about having an abortion, overall I would feel ashamed. I need to talk to DH about it tonight but a tiny part of me just wants to do it in secret so that no one would never know. I know that's ridiculous though. I can't tell a soul in real life apart from him. I am calling Marie Stopes this afternoon to try and get an appointment asap.

Not sure want I want anyone to say really but had to get this down and actually it's helped me realise that I really do want an abortion. I just want it to be over now. Every time I feel a tiny tinge I run to the toilet hoping to see blood. Not happening though.

[Callmejudith]

I've tested and it was positive.

I've got a telephone consultation with Marie stopes on Tuesday. Will tell DH tonight.

[banannabreadforme]

Have a chat will your hubby and explain how upset and worried you are. The Marie stopes ladies and there to offer help and advice for all circumstances and will ensure you make a decision that is best for your family and provide assistance after. I hope your appointment helps you feel calmer

[NorthernLurker]

Well first of all have a . This is really tough for you. You aren't alone though and this isn't something shameful. Overwhelmingly the largest number of terminations are in women just like you, who have a family already and have an unexpected pregnancy. It happens. Talk to your husband, tell him how you feel and tackle it together.

[Callmejudith]

Thank you both.

I felt weirdly calm calling to make the appointment and feel like I am in control of the situation. I just wish my boobs would stop hurting.

[Callmejudith]

Told DH. He was absolutely fantastic. Said he'd completely have my back whatever I want to do but agreed that termination is the best option. We agreed to just get through the weekend normally and tackle this when the appointment comes around.

[ColourfulOrangex]

I'm glad you spoke to your OH and he's being supportive OP :)

[Featherweather]

Hi Callmejudith. Glad you feel better after decision. I found some website that deals with post-abortion feelings if you feel you need it later. Good luck and take care.

www.pregnancyoptions.info/emotional&spiritual.htm

[JaniceJoplin]

I had very similar feelings to you when I found I was pregnant again after 2 DC. I just wanted it to be dealt with quickly and DH agreed. I found that arranging an abortion with Marie Stopes and BPAS was not however straightforward or quick and I was in the end offered the procedure at 11 weeks despite calling them when I was 5 weeks. This was due to high BP apparently (and yes my god my BP was high with the situation). Because of this I chose to keep the baby. He is now 18 months and whilst I was certain I didn't want another I gave adapted and embraced him despite never thinking I had it in me. I have now joined the hareem of the mad 3 children families and it is surprising how many have similar tales. My life would be easier with 2 no doubt but he's a joyous curveball. Only you know how best to proceed.

[MoominFlaps]

Just wanted to give you a positive story - I had a termination (at 8 weeks). I didn't find it traumatic, I didn't feel guilty and I don't regret it.

Whatever you decide best of luck

[Callmejudith]

Just to update. I had a telephone consultation today and am booked in for first set of tablets Saturday morning and then back Monday for second set. But scared but still 100% sure of decision.

I looked up where the clinic is and street view shows a protester sitting outside which is just great. I think I'll find it difficult to ignore them

[namechange20050]

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Just ignore the protesters, walk right by them and take no notice.

[Callmejudith]

Just updating for anyone else in this position in the future.

I went to marie stopes central london this morning for the first tablet. They couldn't have been nicer. Booked in for second lot on Monday.

[differentnameforthis]

I am over 7yrs on from my termination, and I do not regret a sungle second of it, and I do not feel ashamed at all. I made that choice for my family, and as it turns out, all years later, I am SO glad I did. My hands are full with a teen and a SN child, and I could not cope with another.

op. be kind to yourself.

[Callmejudith]

Thank you different.

Back for second tablets this morning. They have me tons of tablets to take and then 4 to put under my cheeks to dissolve.

The pain this afternoon has been manageable and a hot water bottle helped. Lots and lots of blood (sorry if TMI)