Pregnant and regretting it(5 Posts)
Hi, I have NC for this and would appreciate some advice. I realise how difficult it is for lots of women to conceive and I hope I'm
not upsetting anyone.
DH and I have been TTC for 2 months and I've just had a BFP - my period was due today. I should be excited but I feel sick with dread and already worrying. Im 38 and overweight, 17 stone and 5'5. I have a 10 year old DD from a previous relationship, DH has no biological children. He was ambivalent about having kids - he loves children and would be a great dad, but said it was my choice, as he has major health problems and I'm the sole earner.
I can afford another child, and childcare etc wouldn't be a problem. But I like our lifestyle as it is, we go abroad a lot and DD is the focus of our attention. I work part time hours but have to do a lot of admin work related stuff at home in the evenings. I just can't see how I'd fit it all in, if we had a baby/toddler. DH can't do a lot round the house due to his health. I'm also worried about my health, as I had gestational diabetes and hypertension in my last pregnancy. I realise that I should have considered all of these issues before TTC but I got swept away in the excitement of it.
Please can anyone advise what they would do? Sorry this is probably a stupid question.
It's normal to freak when you get a bfp. There's a lot in your post about about why you shouldn't have a baby but not a lot about why you ttc? Presumably you did want a baby?
Health wise the problems you had before are possibly likely to recur though the hypertension may not as this is a different father and that can have an impact. Weird but true! However you've got pregnant v quickly so your body must be fundamentally up to it. It sounds like you can afford it. Yes it will change your lifestyle but only temporarily and long term you'll have a new child in your family. A chance to watch a whole new person grow. That's pretty cool.
All that said though, if you give yourself time to adjust and you still don't feel excited then you don't have to continue the pregnancy. That will be hard but it's a choice you can still make.
Thanks Northern, I appreciate the advice. I do yearn for the toddler days but I can't decide if it's my own DD's childhood that I miss rather than wanting to do it all again.
Well all I can say is a part of wanting a third child for me was feeling I'd lost out on some of dd2s babyhood because she had a congenital heart defect and I spent a lot of time worrying. Having another baby was a chance to enjoy that time again. There were lots of other reasons too but that was part of it. It's a valid reason to add to your family.
Me and my DH tried for 10 months for our much wanted second baby and when I first got the BFP I was elated!!!
However, a few weeks down the line I started to have doubts, regrets, questioning if we'd done the right thing etc and I couldn't understand why I felt that way after having tried so long. This feeling of doubt lasted a good 8 weeks or so and I didn't tell my DH how I felt because I just couldn't make sense of it.
However, the feeling did pass and by the time I hit 20 weeks I was back to feeling full on excitement. The baby is due in 9 weeks and I absolutely can't wait.
Don't be hard on yourself OP, adding a baby to a settled lifestyle is a big upheaval and there's nothing wrong with feeling a little dread about how life will change, especially the potentially negative impacts of having a baby. Let yourself digest the news and know that what you're feeling can be very normal
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