Firstly, can I please say no flaming. I was on the pill, and was very rarely sexually active so was really not planning this at all. I'm 25, 10 weeks pregnant and my daughter has just turned 2. NCed as identifying. Sorry it's so long, would really appreciate anyone who can be bothered to read it
Cons:
Baby's dad was very controlling when we were together towards the end and ended up treating me pretty badly (nothing ever physical). He has substance misuse issues (hidden from me for a long time) which he is currently dealing with and providing me with clean drugs tests so he can have contact with our DD. He has been a lot calmer over the past few months since he's stopped taking drugs and we haven't been together (night of conception was a very silly one off). I don't have any feelings for him anymore. He would be happy to have another child but agrees that it's my decision. He always pays his fair share financially. He loves DD very much - though I definitely accept not enough to stop taking drugs when she was born. Social services got involved due to his drug taking (never around DD), I explained I would only be allowing supervised visits until I've received several months clean drugs tests and they closed the case. Said he sounds like a good dad from when they've spoken to him but needs to sort out these issues obviously before unsupervised contact is allowed. I am worried what they would think if I got pregnant with him again - if they thought I wasn't able to protect my first DD. But they did say that it was nothing too bad and didn't warrant intervention. I have taken it very seriously regardless. I would call and speak to them before deciding anything 100% and if it meant they had concerns for my 1st DD then I would consider that my decision made. But I get the impression that their enquiries on me (health visitor, nursery etc) have been exemplary and that I would always put my child/ ren first, so I don't think they will.
I'm currently in my second year of uni. I do receive good grades, and my third year only has around 6 hours a week contact time. I reckon I could manage not dropping out, which would be handy for money. But I don't wanna fuck things up. And I'm excited to get a real, proper job in a year or so once I'm graduated, which will be much harder with a young baby and a 3 year old.
I currently only have a job doing bank work, and shifts are few and far between (especially hard given childcare situation). This was fine when me an exP was together, but since we've broken up I've had a few interviews and Im 99% sure I'll get a job in the next month. If worst comes to worst, I could easily get a job in a nursery with my qualifications which would fit around DDs nursery hours. She gets her free 15 hours in September which will help things money wise. Atm I'm just on tax credits and my uni loan/ grant and the odd days work I can arrange (so once again, please no flaming!)
Sounds pretty clear cut at the moment doesn't it? I'd be mental to have a baby with this man who has caused me to have social services involved however briefly, and when my career is so uncertain and I'm at a crucial stage in my education. I'm booked in to have the abortion next week.
But I just want a baby so bloody badly! They've made me wait since I was 5 weeks pregnant and pretty sure on my decision, and the past 5 weeks have made me doubt myself. I'm so so so pro choice, but the thought of an abortion makes me feel sick. I want to meet my little baby so much. I cope really well with my toddler DD, she has a really lovely life with me and I love her very very much. I'm young, but a homebody and only really want to hang out with my DD in my spare time. I have no interest in dating or whatever at present would rather eat chocolate on the sofa and watch line of duty every night. I have no qualms about doing everything myself if their dad doesn't step up. I have a supportive family - I'd be bloody terrified to tell my mum and dad and they'd probably be pissed off and worried, but would support me and love the new baby very much no matter what. I have good friends who love me and DD very much, and are on hand to babysit if needed.
I would never have planned things to happen this way. I said to everyone once I had broken up with exP that I wanted to have my next baby once I was married, in a good career and a healthy, secure relationship. And I still could have all these things.
But I'm really sad to get rid of the baby growing inside of me. I'd be really grateful for any advice.
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Shall I have an abortion or not?
27 replies
NameChange199 · 17/04/2017 19:10
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