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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.


(72 Posts)
user1490522234 Sun 26-Mar-17 11:22:52

HI I'm so sad to post this I'm 36 years old mother of 1. I have found out I am pregnant. This is unplanned and I did not know I was pregnant I have taken some over the counter medicine which I have since found out causes birth defects . I cannot bring myself to bring a baby into this world knowing I may have caused defects. My dr cannot guarantee me that there will or will not be defects so I have opted for a termination. I'm so sad as I would have loved to have kept this baby. I feel so guilty .

SookiesSocks Sun 26-Mar-17 11:25:43

Oh sweetheart.
Its not your fault and I understand your guilt. Are the percentages high for the medication causing issues?

user1490522234 Sun 26-Mar-17 11:29:00

No she said they are low but I can't take the chance, I don't want to take away my other child's quality of life by bringing another child into the world with disabilities. Have to wait til Wednesday to find out appointment it's killing me knowing I have this baby inside me which I want so much, I just need the next couple of week over with. Guilt is awful .

SookiesSocks Sun 26-Mar-17 11:32:02

Its a difficult choice to make and you will always feel sadness but you know what you are doing is the right choice for you.
I really do feel for you flowers

user1490522234 Sun 26-Mar-17 11:34:15


LolaTheDarkdestroyer Sun 26-Mar-17 15:16:12

If you are basing your decision on that alone then I would say think about it,The chances are very low you would have caused damage and an abortion lives with you forever believe me. If everything on your life would be good bar your worry on the baby being deformed then I would do a lot more research.

harleysmammy Sun 26-Mar-17 18:06:31

Thats not a reason to have an abortion. My best friend didnt find out she was pregnant until she was 29 weeks (shocking i know) but she smoked, she drank, she was on medication you arent allowed to take in pregnancy. The doctor said she couldnt tell her the baby wouldnt be born with defects because there was a possibility but that possibility was less than 1%. The chances of you making any defects are so so so low. I dont think thats a fair reason

expatinscotland Sun 26-Mar-17 18:08:38

'I don't want to take away my other child's quality of life by bringing another child into the world with disabilities. '

But there is no guarantee that any child will be born health or disability free or remain so. The only way to avoid that is to not have another one at all.

Upyourdaisy Sun 26-Mar-17 18:12:39

How far along are you? When you have your first scan they'll check for any problems. Would the medication cause any defects obvious enough to show on the scan?

NotMyPenguin Sun 26-Mar-17 18:24:13

Your doctor isn't the best person to ask, they aren't a specialist. A consultant obstetrician would be good. Could you get yourself referred and find out what kind of birth defects you'd be at risk of, and whether (and at what stage) it's possible to find out via a scan if they've actually ocurred?

user1490522234 Sun 26-Mar-17 18:50:34

Thanks for all your messages even if they were 99% sure the baby would be ok I still can't take that chance, I'm not mentally capable of dealing with anything . I would never forgive myself,

SookiesSocks Sun 26-Mar-17 18:52:37


It does not matter if you think it is a fair reason. The OP does and as its her body its her choice.

user1490522234 Sun 26-Mar-17 18:54:37

The longer this baby is inside me the more I'll become attached

SookiesSocks Sun 26-Mar-17 18:56:00

Thats natural.
You do have time to change your mind. Maybe do some more research.

Upyourdaisy Sun 26-Mar-17 19:05:01

But there is no guarantee that any child will be born health or disability free or remain so.

You could have a healthy pregnancy and then a problem could arise during birth. There's no guarantee.
Please see what options you have, you need to see a specialist. Maybe they'd refer you for an early scan and check everything more thoroughly.

Katurah Sun 26-Mar-17 20:45:38

If you want the baby I would speak to a specialist! What medicine was it?! It may not even have got to the baby at such an early stage before the placenta develops.

EweAreHere Sun 26-Mar-17 20:50:59

That's not a reason to have an abortion.

You forgot to add three crucial words: in my opinion

Because that's what it is. YOUR opinion. You don't get to tell someone else that their reason to have an abortion isn't good enough for you. Or worthy. Or whatever.

And no, she will not necessarily regret it the rest of her life as someone else has said. I know plenty of people who've had to terminate pregnancies for one reason or another and life went on without regrets.

I wish you nothing but strength and good thoughts for the future, OP, no matter your decision. And it is your decision. xx

user1490522234 Sun 26-Mar-17 21:33:33

Thankyou everyone my mind is made up, this pregnancy wasn't planned either I have not been looking after myself - drinking not taking folic acid eating crap etc - so my body isn't prepared for a baby either. I have had a miscarriage in the past and took 2 years to get pregnant so I havnt taken this decision lightly, it's made me realise I definitely want another baby in the future tho x

MrsBobDylan Sun 26-Mar-17 21:43:26

Op, on the list of side effects, most medicines have a warning about not taking in pregnancy. This is primarily because they cannot test medications on pregnant women.

I agree with pp who suggest talking with a specialist. If they know what effect the drug can have, then they may be able to scan you to check for that specifically. It will also make a difference when you took the drug because there is a period when the baby's placenta isn't established and so it is much more protected from whatever is in the mother's body.

BIWI Sun 26-Mar-17 21:45:25

What was the medication that you took?

Babyblues14 Sun 26-Mar-17 22:03:32

Why did you ask if your mind was made up anyway?
Every pregnancy comes with risks, everything can seem perfectly healthy until the end and then they can be born with a birth defect that wasnt detected.
You took the same risk when you had your first baby and you said you do want more so the risk will come back again, even if you didnt take that medication.
There are so many apparant things that can cause birth defects these days its no wonder pregnant women worry constantly that something will be wrong. Currently 15 weeks pregnant and even my first scan didnt reassure me.

InsaneMummyOfThree Sun 26-Mar-17 23:48:01

Just to say. I had a very normal pregnancy but when my son was born he had a rare condition. No one could tell us how it would affect him and with having two children already the news was devastating. But he was my baby boy a once I saw him I realised that it didn't matter. What ever life threw at us I knew I'd be able to cope as that's all I could do. It is obviously your decision to make and no one could ever tell you what's right or wrong but please consider the fact that u could do everything perfect and by the book but still end up with a special child that needs extra care and attention. X

LostInMess Sun 26-Mar-17 23:54:55

Unplanned pregnancies are very hard. I know, I had one. DC4. Never wanted 4, as I knew I couldn't cope with 4. I think that regularly.

But, he's wonderful. Lights up my day - possibly as he's the only one of my children who is nice to me on a daily basis (ages and stages....). Odds were against us in many ways as I was 41 when fell pregnant. 42 when I had him. Straightforward pregnancies, no problems.

Hats off to those who know another baby isn't right for them and don't proceed - such a hard decision but I think you know I'd it's right,m.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer Mon 27-Mar-17 00:51:28

You are using the medicine as an excuse then as you have already made your mind up, even if it was 99% sure that nothing would be wrong.
It's made you realise you want more children in the future? Well it's taken you two years to get pregnant after suffering miscarriages, you do realise abortion makes it even harder to conceive? So this could actually be your last chance and you are using an excuse as weak as this..just be honest hey.

MrsCobain Mon 27-Mar-17 01:02:16

I really don't want this to sound harsh but if you're hell bent on having another baby think very carefully before you terminate.

I had ds, been trying ever since, had a few miscarriages and it doesn't look like we will be able to have another.

This may be your last chance, you'll have to live with that if you terminate and fail to conceive or carry another child to term. Ask yourself if you could cope with that.

As I said, not meaning to sound harsh, and I've had a termination so am not coming from a pro life stance, just a stance of huge regret. flowers

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