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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Pregnant, alone and uncertain.

(8 Posts)
Slippersock123 Sun 19-Mar-17 10:37:39

I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting, really, but here goes.

I'm 30, single parent to a 3yo from a relationship that didn't work out, who was very much planned and wanted. 3yo dad is very involved and hands on (nowadays at least, lack of participation in parenting was one of the many reasons we split eventually). I also work full time.

I've recently found out I'm pregnant (8 weeksish) totally unplanned following a contraceptive failure. The dad and I are not in a relationship, and he's absolutely adamant that he doesn't want a baby and wants me to terminate.

I'm really struggling to know what to do for the best. I really want to continue the pregnancy, but I'm aware it won't be easy. I'll have to drop to part time hours at work, find suitable childcare and I'm not sure how I'll afford it. I remember the relentlessness and exhaustion of the newborn days, and wonder how I'll cope all alone with another child in the mix (although to be truthful, I did most of it by myself last time).

Mostly, I'm wondering if it's fair to bring a child into the world when one of its parents is so opposed to it's very existence. I'm worried for the future, when this baby notices that 3yo sees much of their daddy and they don't see any of theirs. I'm so very torn sad

buzzmoon Sun 19-Mar-17 10:41:05

Wanted to send flowers and hope you're doing okay. Such a difficult decision to make but I'm sure you're an amazing single mum now and would continue to be an amazing mum to 2, even if you have to cut back a bit. Whatever you decide I'm sure it will be the best for you and your family ❤️

itsacatastrophe Sun 19-Mar-17 12:40:05

Rather then seeing it as having one parent opposed to their existence, think of it as having a parent who so utterly loved and wanted the baby she was prepared to sacrifice so much and go it alone. That's an incredible love to be born into.
Don't let anyone bully you into doing something you are not happy with. Sure it may be tough at time, but the newborn days won't last long, and the good times will far outweigh the tough ones.
I also went through pregnancy and raising my second dc all on my own. He's 8 now and he's amazing (and I'm now happily married with another 2 dc) flowers

Slippersock123 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:16:53

Thank you both for your replies. It's so difficult, I'm really struggling to know weather I should go with my heart and keep the baby, or do the 'practical' thing. I know it's silly, but I also worry about being judged. I'm torturing myself by looking at tiny baby clothes sad

buzzmoon Sun 19-Mar-17 22:08:50

I'd say go with your heart ❤️ I just got an unexpected bfp yesterday and although logistically it's going to be tough, I couldn't think about it not being there at alll. Good luck! ❤️

InTheKitchenAtParties Sun 19-Mar-17 22:17:45

I really feel for you Slipper it's a tricky situation you're in. But I think you really do want to keep your baby. I know its not helpful to say this but in your shoes I don't know wtf I would do. I'm thinking of you, whatever you decide

Slippersock123 Mon 20-Mar-17 19:51:59

Thanks InTheKitchen. Congratulations buzzmoon!

I'm just plodding on at the moment. I'm going to see the GP for a general chat, but I'm no closer to a real decision than before.

Slippersock123 Mon 27-Mar-17 14:56:02

I'm back again. I went to the family planning clinic to talk about options, and I really feel no further forward following the discussion. I'd decided to terminate as it was most practical,then felt so upset I cried the entire night. I do want to keep the baby, but the practicalities are giving me doubts. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to decide.

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