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Anybody here who has kids with a large age gap and

(4 Posts)
almost40andconfused Fri 17-Mar-17 21:12:49

Hello All,

I am utterly confused and torn from not being able to decide whether to have a 2nd kid. I have a son who is seven and half. My husband was adamant about not wanting a second and I thought I was okay with that. But now, I find I am completely torn with guilt at times and regret the other times sad. I always thought he would have cousins, but somehow things have not turned out that way. My brother's kids live on a different continent and he hardly knows them and am not really close to my brother. My husband's brother is not yet married. Even if he does, by the time he has kids they will be 10-12 years younger than my son and again not close-by. So I feel like he has and will have no one when he grows up to call family. That is my number one reason for guilt and worry, that not only does he not have a sibling, but no cousins either. My son is quite adamant about NOT wanting a sibling ; he says he wants a dog smile. I worry about how he will feel about it once he grows up and we are no longer a center of his world and eventually no longer there. This thought just kills me. Also vacations are kind of hard with one kid. It is getting difficult to entertain him with no siblings or cousins. I find myself constantly depending on play dates or having to be very active socially so he will have someone to play with and that can be quite exhausting and draining. Summers for me have always been about being home with sibling/cousins and doing and sharing things that you can only do with another kid. I feel sad about not being able to provide him this experience. These are my reasons for thinking we should try for another one.
My reasons for thinking a second one would be a mistake are this:
1. I am 39 and worried about the risks. I had gestational diabetes the first time, but other than that, pregnancy was quite easy.
2. The kids would be at least 8.5 to 9 years apart and it would be like raising two only kids, except they would have each other when they are grown up.
3. I have a brother and he literally has no role to play in my life. Having a sibling does not guarantee a family as a grown up.
4. I have always enjoyed my hobbies and space. I feel like I will completely loose my identity if I have a second right now.
5. I love my time with my son, he is bright, academically advanced and also social. I will not be able to give him this kind of time and attention with a baby around.
6. Life is easy in so many ways right now. We are able to travel a lot and the house is peaceful, financially we are comfortable, we can send our son to college and still have enough money to never be financially dependent on him when we get old. This kind of lifestyle might not be possible with a second.
7. I might not have the energy to deal with a baby and might regret having a second one.

Please help. I am just drowning in this chaos!!!

Sorry about the loooo......ng post.

Rainuntilseptember Fri 17-Mar-17 21:17:43

See for me I could have written all those objections and still at the end I'd have written - but I WANT one!! I think you would not be able to add that part perhaps?
That being the case just give the child you have a good life.

almost40andconfused Fri 17-Mar-17 21:27:00

Rainuntilseptember, that's the thing, sometimes I want one more and sometimes I don't. I though I would be more sorted by 40 smile.

Rainuntilseptember Sat 18-Mar-17 00:21:15

Well I had #2 at 42, but I wouldn't recommend waiting that long!

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