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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Abortion advice?

(38 Posts)
GlowWorm123 Mon 30-Jan-17 14:25:45

I’ve found out I’m pregnant, the best thing to do in my circumstances would be to terminate the pregnancy. I’m really struggling to get any answers from healthcare professionals at the moment, any line I ring I can’t get through. I made a doctors appointment and he was awful to me; he said that the woman before me had complained of not being able to get pregnant and that I should count myself lucky. I began to cry and he told me to leave and to not cry in front of other patients in HIS reception area. I have a few questions
-How long between first appointment to the actual abortion?
-Can I choose the method of abortion – I’d prefer surgical, I don’t want to wait at home/in hospital for the sac to pass. I'll be about 7 weeks I think.
-Can I ask for an appointment for a few weeks time, rather than the first available one? I know that termination is the right option, but I want to know that I’ve given myself enough time to process everything.
- Can I ask to see the scan/heart beat? I want too sad

I'll have DP there with me, i'm not sure if i'm doing this for him, but i'd like to begin to take steps ASAP. sad

feeona123 Mon 30-Jan-17 23:50:33

I'm not sure about your questions but you MUST complain about this doctor.

He can't go around treating patients like that.

angry

PastysPrincess Tue 31-Jan-17 00:10:44

Definitely complain about the doctor. I don't have any advice as I've never been in your position but I did have an early scan at 6 weeks. Seeing the heartbeat made everything very real. Could it be your not as sure about a termination as you think?

You say your not sure if you are doing this for him- you should only do it if it's what you want. You are the one who will have to go through it not him.

I've meant this with kindness, I hope that has come across?

Oswin Tue 31-Jan-17 00:15:23

I rang Marie stopes and booked an appointment.

You can choose when you go, I had the surgical and it was all done in one day.

Hope you are ok flowers

esk1mo Tue 31-Jan-17 00:16:49

You could go to your local sexual health clinic if you dont want to go back to your GP. At 7 weeks plus around the 2 weeks it takes for you to get the appointments, you will be 9 weeks and you will probably not be offered a surgical termination unless you pay privately for one. I think they offer surgical terminations under GA for 12 weeks and over. Also, you sound like you arent sure? No one I know of has ever asked to see the scan/heartbeat, unless they were considering keeping it.

Sherbert38 Tue 31-Jan-17 00:23:00

I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience with your GP.
Contact BPAS or Marie Stopes and ask if you can self refer. They may be able to do this without you having to see your GP.
From there they can organise an initial telephone consultation and counselling.
Remember this is your choice so you can do it when you feel ready. If you need time to think that is completely fine too.
They are open 24 hours and are there to help, whatever decision you come to in the end.
Wish you all the best.
flowers

wundringnow Tue 31-Jan-17 03:45:13

Please report that doctor. What a piece of sh*t he is. Sorry I can't help with your questions but just flowers

GinIsIn Tue 31-Jan-17 04:13:02

Firstly, please report the doctor - that is awful!!

You can self-refer to BPAS or Marie Stopes, you don't need the GP.

I can try and answer some of your questions, but the info may not be the most up to date. This is based on going with my friend when she had one with BPAS a few years ago. (they were very nice)

- There was a week total between her appointments and she had 4, although hers was a medical rather than surgical procedure - the initial consultation, a free counselling session, which was optional I think - can't say for sure as I didn't go to that one with her - an appointment to take the first pill then one the next day for the 2nd one. Oh, and a follow up check up a few weeks later.
- they did offer the choice. You can only have the medical one up to a certain date, I think 12 weeks?
- they do offer a choice of appointment so I'm sure you could schedule it for when you wanted
- I don't know about this one, but I should imagine they would let you, although they may advise against it as it might make it harder.

Please remember though that it is your body and your choice - it's a hard thing to do and the right thing for so many, but it should be what's right for you first and foremost, not what your DP wants.

GinIsIn Tue 31-Jan-17 04:14:35

On and just to say, it was 100% the right choice for my friend, and 100% the right choice for me a few years before that, but the choice has to be yours. flowers

GlowWorm123 Tue 31-Jan-17 08:09:36

Once i've got some help and advice I plan to complain. He was truly awful. I'm not sure I am doing the right thing, it still doesn't seem very real to me. I'd like to see the scan - to make everything real and i'll decide what to do based on that. I've really struggled to get any help. I initially went to my DR, who then gave me the family planning clinics number to call - I have tried a minimum of 8 times a day to get through since Wednesday. Yesterday I called 27 times. I ended up calling the hospital switch board who again gave me the family planning number! I ended up calling 111, who has told me to see my practice nurse (I refused to see my DR again) I feel like no one wants to help sad

fenella that is very helpful thank you. flowers

MrsEvadneCake Tue 31-Jan-17 08:31:44

Gloworm Google BPAS and speak to them. They are extremely kind. flowers

GlowWorm123 Tue 31-Jan-17 10:44:45

DP is making appointments on my behalf to see the sexual health clinic to discuss abortion!!!! sad I've told him to let me deal with it but he's going ahead and making plans. He's booked me in to a local clinic for Thursday - how can doctors/gp allow this? obviously he knows my DOB and post code.

I want to run away. I want this baby sad

MrsEvadneCake Tue 31-Jan-17 10:59:01

Gloworm they will ask to speak to you privately and you tell them that he's made the appointment and that you don't want to go ahead.

Ring and cancel. Tell him you want the baby and are not ready to make a decision.

GlowWorm123 Tue 31-Jan-17 11:05:22

I've told him I need time to think, he literally just called 15 minutes ago and sent my my appointment slot through. He will want to come into the room with me I just know it!!! sad

Will he have to stay outside?

It probably is the best option to go along, baring in mind how difficult it is to get an appointment anywhere here, but I want to discuss options. Maybe not abortion but I'll feel obliged to do that with him in the room! I feel like i'm going to have a panic attack. sad

OutToGetYou Tue 31-Jan-17 11:06:38

Is he bullying you? If so, call Women's Aid for advice.

This is not on, he does not get to decide what you do with your body.

MrsEvadneCake Tue 31-Jan-17 11:18:49

You can insist he stays outside but I echo outtogetyou and if you feel bullied call women's aid or even a family member you can trust to help you.

MissMrsMsXX Tue 31-Jan-17 11:22:08

It 's be st to do it as soon as possible, non surgical is much much better. the sac passing will be like a period, you won't see it.
Abortion centres will probably insist you come in alone, they are very women centred environments. You could call up before hand and warn them, they will be sensitive.

You want this baby?
The one with this controlling man?
At the end of the day this is your choice. But having a baby is not just about not having an abortion. this many is giving you a sufficient warning of what he's like .... you should listen.

MissMrsMsXX Tue 31-Jan-17 11:22:36

This man.... not this many

OutToGetYou Tue 31-Jan-17 11:27:43

"Abortion centres will probably insist you come in alone, they are very women centred environments. You could call up before hand and warn them, they will be sensitive. "

I'm not sure what an 'abortion centre' is, but I had a termination years ago and I made my then bf come with me and sit in the waiting room - as I said to him at the time "it's a few hours now or the next 18 years, you choose".

MrsEvadneCake Tue 31-Jan-17 11:35:19

I could take someone with me but the first part of the consultation was on my own. The first thing they asked was am I at risk of violence or if I was being pressured to make this choice.

OutToGetYou Tue 31-Jan-17 12:03:45

"The first thing they asked was am I at risk of violence or if I was being pressured to make this choice."

No-one asked me that. But I was told to "think about all the women who could not have children", which was delightful.

But anyway, the OP needs to find a friend or relative to take and also talk to Womens' Aid.

MissMrsMsXX Tue 31-Jan-17 12:37:26

Into the actual appointment, the counselling/advice appointment. I've had two and this happened both times.

IsFeidirLiom Tue 31-Jan-17 13:50:58

Oh lord. You're clearly being bullied into this by your partner. Get some space from him asap and let the news SINK IN.

You CAN do whatever you want.

Your gp sounds like an arsehole. But is there more to it, did he know you may have wanted the pregnancy but your P didn't or something?

It's a scary scary time. I've been there. It'll pass. Take YOUR TIME and please, don't let your partner bully you into a abortion if it's not what you want.

Sending you love.

selfishcrab Tue 31-Jan-17 14:05:37

Even if he was allowed into the consultation with you (which he shouldn't ) but I don't know the rules in a sexual health clinic.
He wont be allowed into the actual treatment room with you if you book a abortion.
At this point if you have not made your mind up/feel threatened/don't want to go ahead tell them.
They will help as they have a duty of care.
You don't have to do anything you don't want, it's yur body,your life!
Just to correct some but you can't automatically self refer, it depends on where you live and who has funding in your area but it is always worth checking with the provider.

GlowWorm123 Tue 31-Jan-17 14:33:00

IsFeidir The DR doesn't know anything, he was a locum at my usual practice. I understand a termination is against many beliefs but it still isn't something that should be expressed to the patient.

MrsEvadne As long as some point before the procedure I get some alone time with a professional that would be amazing sad

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