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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Unplanned pregnancy and partner doesn't want it.

(5 Posts)
user1483866324 Sun 08-Jan-17 09:30:19

Hello all. I am 5 months pregnant with my first child to a man I've been with for almost 7 years. I have been on the contraceptive pill for 6 of those years and did not miss any pills and fell pregnant.

After many arguments with my partner I decided to keep the child as I could not face abortion and maternal instinct kicked in.

When I told my partner I was pregnant the first thing he said is that he was going to leave me soon and that I should have an abortion because he doesn't want a child at all.

Neither of us wanted a child which is why I was on the pill and and I am also in my last year of university which makes things difficult. I still could not abort the child as I believe it's a living thing and that I should protect it.

Since then our relationship has gone downhill fast. While he makes it out to everyone that he is happy we are having good a baby in the meantime he constantly reminds me that having this baby is going to ruin his life. Any time I get pain or I'm tired his response is 'you wanted it' or if anything cost wise is brought up in relation to the baby he wants nothing to do with it and throws a strop about how this is not what he wanted.

My relationship is failing and 5 months on I still have a partner that doesn't want my child. I am heartbroken that it's working out like this because we were best friends and have loved each other a lot of years. Anyone have words of advice/similar situations that got better?

UnmentionedElephantDildo Sun 08-Jan-17 09:33:50

Are you in UK?

Because if so then you are too far along for a legal termination (I assume that's what you're asking about by picking this topic, not relationships or lone parenting)

So the only advice is that you have to carry on. And yes, it may not be the future you planned, but it can still be a great one.

If you really however don't want the baby, you could investigate voluntary relinquishment for adoption.

Ouriana Sun 08-Jan-17 09:37:17

I think he needs to make a choice at this point, its too late to complain he doesnt want a child and it was his choice not to use a condom.

What do you want? If he doesnt change are you happy to stay with a man that will treat his own child like an inconvenience?

You may have to tell him he needs to accept you are having a baby together and he needs to start taking responsibility and stop whinging or you will leave him.

How are things at uni, are you taking maternity leave for a semester?

Lweji Sun 08-Jan-17 09:45:43

To start with, if he really didn't want a child, he should have had the snip. More reliable than the pill and it would mean less hassle for you.

As such, you had sex, and you got pregnant.

He hasn't dumped you, and I can think of two explanations.
He either wants you to finish it off because he doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy who left the pregnant partner (and he's acting to the outside world as if he's happy).
Or he wants to stay with you, but it's already making it clear that the baby is your thing and he won't have any part in raising it.
Either way, I'd dump him.
Sure, he could come around and even be a good dad when the baby is born, or even older, but do you want to risk it?

As for how the rest of the world, I'd be very tempted to confront him in public about his duplicity.

specialsubject Thu 12-Jan-17 18:41:59

Relationship is dead, sorry. Tell him to leave, remind him of his child support obligations and start moving on.

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