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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Pregnant and dad wants me to have an abortion

(34 Posts)
Spinxy38 Fri 06-Jan-17 09:15:38

Hi I'm in need of support and advice, I have just found out I'm approx 12 weeks pregnant by a friend who I have been having casual sex with, I already have a daughter from a previous relationship and I am a single mother, the dad wants me to have an abortion as he already has 6 children I am not sure if I am physically kill a human being, he says it will break us as friends and he will have nothing to do with the baby, I love this guy but clearly he doesn't feel the same, if I abort I don't think I could deal with it emotionally and I'm likely to loose him either way, I think my baby's life is more important to me, any advice would be helpful as I can't stop falling apart every time i think about it

2014newme Fri 06-Jan-17 09:20:31

In your position I would not proceed with the pregnancy but if it's going to ruin your life to make that decision then obviously you don't have a lot of choice.
You won't get any financial or practical support from him so consider how you will manage. He sounds a that by the way.
Perhaps counselling could help💐

GooodMythicalMorning Fri 06-Jan-17 09:26:51

Go with your gut instinct. Sounds like you want this baby so keep it. I wouldn't want to be with him if he is saying that kind of thing anyway.

Mooey89 Fri 06-Jan-17 09:29:12

I think you need to make this decision on the basis that you will not have a father on board.
You are a single mother to one, can you do it with 2? Do you have a supportive family?

Nobody can tell you what the right decision is for you, it's entirely your body, your pregnancy, your choice.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

BellyBean Fri 06-Jan-17 09:31:36

If you're already thinking you can't do it, you might be really traumatised down the line if you go through with it against your instinct

TimidLividyetagain Fri 06-Jan-17 09:35:49

If you don't want an abortion dont have one. It's not his decision. His friendship isn't worth it , you have to live with yourself either way so do what you can live with and cope with. He doesn't sound at all like he will help though but you already know what being a single mother is like.

Boogers Fri 06-Jan-17 09:37:49

Go with your instinct.

He sounds like a dick. 6 children (that he knows of) and he wants you to have a termination? Could he not use condoms or have a vasectomy if he doesn't want any more children?

Anyway, I digress. It doesn't sound like you have a future together, either with or without a baby. I'm really sorry. flowers

What are your thoughts?

Sploozle Fri 06-Jan-17 09:41:28

From what you've said I think you would regret terminating this pregnancy, but this is entirely your decision to make without being pressured by someone who doesn't have to live with the consequences. It's about what is best for you.

2014newme a 12 week embryo is not the size of a lentil! It's 6cm long and has all organs formed.

Ilovecaindingle Fri 06-Jan-17 09:43:00

At 12 weeks it def isnt a lentil. .
Make an appointment with your Dr to discuss your options.
He is no friend tho. So no loss there. .
With 6 kids already he needs introducing to condoms!

SVJAA Fri 06-Jan-17 09:44:37

Only you know what you could cope with, whether that's being a single mum of 2 or having a termination.
Go with your gut feeling, it's very rarely wrong. flowers

Boogers Fri 06-Jan-17 09:47:20

OP, whatever your decision, do you have anyone in real life that you can confide in about this?

Spinxy38 Fri 06-Jan-17 10:56:19

Hi thankyou all for your comments good and bad, I believe I will be able to cope my first daughter was raised by me with an alcoholic partner who didn't know what time of day it was for the first 2 years. The dad of this one doesn't want me to talk to anyone other than him so I'm confiding in you guys to start with, my gut feeling is to have my baby who will be raised in a loving family with or without the father, I'm starting to think the father is an idiot to be fair and I'm close to being done with him

Boogers Fri 06-Jan-17 11:04:03

I think you know what you're going to do, you just need to get your head around it and work out the practicalities.

He was once a good mate - a friend with benefits - but you felt a bit more than him, and when you told him he was pregnant it was the end for him, because suddenly you weren't just a friend. He's a prick, and him telling you to have a termination is evidence of this. I'm assuming his vasectomy hasn't failed or his condom didn't split/come off? Don't answer that, I think we already know the answer.

Have you made an appointment with a midwife yet?

Boogers Fri 06-Jan-17 11:06:03

Typo - you were pregnant, not he was pregnant! Grrr!

Goodness, if he got pregnant he would be double gloved with a Femidom, cap and pill in place!

Spinxy38 Fri 06-Jan-17 11:12:25

Thankyou Boogers, I was actually on the pill but the doctor has said that due to my age and that I was very poorly around the time I caught the pill obviously didn't break down correctly to do it's job, he never wore a condom it was always down to me, I have my first appointment with the midwife on Wednesday next week

Soubriquet Fri 06-Jan-17 11:15:24

6 kids?! Bloody man needs to wear a condom

Don't abort unless YOU want to and don't let him pressure you into it either

You will be abosutely fine as a single mum or two flowers

2014newme Fri 06-Jan-17 11:15:43

I would get an std test as well if he has 6 kids and doesn't use condoms he clearly outs it about I know it's gross but you don't know who else he was seeing

Soubriquet Fri 06-Jan-17 11:20:19

STD test is a good idea actually

user1470997562 Fri 06-Jan-17 11:23:12

You already know what's involved with raising a dc. I would be trying to make it a head rather than heart decision. Can I give this dc a good life? Will they have a stable home, enough money, have I got the health/energy/commitment required? There have been lots of things I wanted in life. But I guess as time has gone on, I've realised practical decisions lead to a happy life for me. Think it through carefully I would say. It's a real shame he's reacted like this. I hope you're ok.

Boogers Fri 06-Jan-17 11:34:56

It happens. My mother became pregnant aged 46 after D&V whilst taking the pill. I became pregnant with DS with the coil in situ. It happens.

Bodily autonomy is the key thing here. He didn't want to wear condoms or have a vasectomy even though he didn't want any more children. Sorry mate, can't have it both ways.

I've a feeling you're going to be fine. smile How old is your DD? Does she have an inkling yet?

TimidLividyetagain Fri 06-Jan-17 11:54:07

You can talk to and tell whoever u want to. He can't tell u who to talk to. It's your pregnancy

Spinxy38 Fri 06-Jan-17 12:18:39

My daughter is just gone 4 and has no Idea at the moment I also have no idea how her dad will react to me having another child, my heart and he'd is saying keep my baby I will be fine as for losing him as a friend, is he really a friend when he keeps pressuring me to abort even though he can see how upset over it I am

ricepolo Fri 06-Jan-17 14:11:46

2014newme your comment is factually totally wrong and also deeply offensive (I am currently 6wks pregnant so my baby is, in fact, the size of a lentil, and to have you describe it as 'not a baby' is horrible). I've reported you.

2014newme Fri 06-Jan-17 14:21:07

You ate right the foetus is half an ounce I stand corrected. It's not a baby though it's a foetus.
That's irrelevant to the ops feelings though. She doesn't feel she can terminate the pg regardless.

2014newme Fri 06-Jan-17 14:21:57

Isn't offensive you are being ridiculous.

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