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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

How to help grieving friend after her termination

(2 Posts)
MrsMortimer Mon 19-Dec-16 08:40:04

I hope someone can offer me some advice. A good friend recently had to make a difficult choice following discovery of multiple developmental issues at her 20w scan. She was desperate to continue with the pregnancy but sadly the baby could not have survived after birth.

She is devastated and is being incredibly hard on herself.

I so want to help her recovery but we live very far apart and at the moment I feel my words are meaningless. Can anyone tell me what helped them come to terms with a decision like this? Or any ideas as to how I can offer support to my friend? Thanks all.

QuercusQuercus Thu 02-Feb-17 16:25:42

Hi Mrs. I can see this post is old but didn't want it to go unanswered.

I have not (yet) had a termination but I have lost 4 pregnancies. You sound like a good friend who is sympathetic and wants to say the right thing. There's no one way of being a friend to someone who's been through this stuff but I think you'll do a good job.

How about a card? I had a wonderful card from a friend when I lost my first. It doesn't need to say anything specific, it can just say that you are thinking of your friend and that you will always be there whatever she needs from you. She may want space, she may want escapism, she may want to talk.

I think your attitude will see you right. What I mainly remember is the people who got it wrong: speculating about what had caused my issues, for instance, or just not ever mentioning it or being really dismissive.

flowers

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