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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Don't want baby. CANT have termination

(26 Posts)
heatherxo Tue 13-Dec-16 19:37:59

Just found out I'm pregnant again. I have an 18 month old (different father) and I'm "depressed".
My boyfriend doesn't want this baby, he wants me to terminate.
I had an abortion 6 years ago and there is no way I can go through that again. I know I will hate myself if I do.
I don't know what to do, I'm scared and I feel so alone right now sad

Crankycunt Tue 13-Dec-16 19:38:35

What do you want?

Stitchfusion Tue 13-Dec-16 19:40:48

There is nothing to do. You have already made the decision. Deep breathes.
This too shall pass.

heatherxo Tue 13-Dec-16 19:44:03

I don't know what I want. I don't feel ready to have another baby just yet. And I don't want our relationship to be ruined (although it already is tbh)

But I don't want a termination..
I'm so confused right now

FatOldBag Tue 13-Dec-16 19:46:10

What about adoption? Lots of loving families are waiting for a baby to adopt. How would you and he feel about that?

Sophieeleanorxx Tue 13-Dec-16 19:47:36

Just keep the baby things will work out in the end they always do.

heatherxo Tue 13-Dec-16 19:50:18

I know I couldn't go through with adoption.
I have until next Monday to think things over before seeing the doctor about whether or not I want a termination. I'm hoping I know what to do then.
Thanks everyone

AllOfTheCoffee Tue 13-Dec-16 19:53:29

Forget about what he wants. It is your choice. If he supports you, great. If not he wasn't worth keeping anyway.

Ask the Dr for counselling. I think you're always offered it prior to termination anyway.

FatOldBag Wed 14-Dec-16 10:56:58

Ok, so you know what you can't do; you can't terminate and you can't adopt out the baby. So I think what remains really is keeping the baby. It's a case of coming to terms with that. I agree, forget about what he wants, he's not the one carrying the child so it's not as 'real' to him as it is to you. It's easier for him to say 'have an abortion' because he can't understand the reality of that, physically and emotionally.

Do have some counselling, it's a really hard time and much harder without a partner supportive of your decision. Remember to put yourself first.

specialsubject Sun 18-Dec-16 10:30:29

Forget boyfriend, dump and chase for child support. Things dont just 'work out' so you need to decide how you will house, feed and clothe two children.

If you don't want an abortion and won't consider adoption - both of which are your call- then that's it. Every child a wanted child.

And please, double up on contraception in future.

peakzy Sun 25-Dec-16 14:28:09

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lostmyemailaddress Sun 25-Dec-16 14:42:30

Peakzy there is such a thing as contraception failure and I think your reply is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. If you can't think of anything helpful to say then it's best not to post.

Soubriquet Sun 25-Dec-16 14:50:29


That attitude is digusting

I'm reporting your comment and hope it gets removed

Accidents happen. Don't be a dick about it

OP I hope you come to a decision you are happy with

DorindaJ Sun 25-Dec-16 14:53:46

Wow. That a rather unkind and completely unnecessary post peakzy

CheesesofNazareth12 Sun 25-Dec-16 14:56:18

Don't feed the trolls...

Cherryskypie Sun 25-Dec-16 14:59:49

Ignore the troll.

You know you don't want an abortion. That means you are having a baby. There's never a good time and it's not what you planned but there will be positives. Try to focus on those.

lovelearning Sun 25-Dec-16 15:16:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kr1stina Sun 25-Dec-16 15:37:44

I'm sorry, I know it's very frightening . But you don't have to be alone there's hekp and advice out there to help you make your decision.

Do you know how many weeks you are, as that will affect your choices and how quickly you have to decide?

Here's your choices

1. Have a termination
2. Have the baby and place him / her for adoption
3. Have the baby and have him /her brought up by someone in your extended family or the fathers extended family
4. Have the baby and bring him / her up yourself

I understand that you don't want to do any of these right now. So maybe you just have to decide on the least bad option for you.

I know this is really hard , it's one of they most difficult decisions a woman ever has to make .

lovelearning Sun 25-Dec-16 16:32:21

I don't want our relationship to be ruined (although it already is tbh)

heatherxo, your relationship has run its course. x

I couldn't go through with adoption

Don't even think about it.

I don't want a termination

heatherxo, I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

Crumbs1 Sun 25-Dec-16 16:35:50

Use more effective contraception? Wait until you are committed fully in a relationship before having a child?

DeepanKrispanEven Sun 25-Dec-16 16:47:19

Congratulations on a thoroughly pointless post, Crumbs1.

ILikeyourHairyHands Sun 25-Dec-16 16:49:07

You know you could have a termination, sometimes it's the least worst option.

Why do you feel you couldn't go through that again rather than bringing a possibly problematic child into the world?

I am extremely sympathetic to your plight, please feel as though you can talk frankly.

ILikeyourHairyHands Sun 25-Dec-16 16:50:43

And I'm sorry you've had a few dickish answers, I won't give you any.

Corabell Sun 25-Dec-16 16:51:52

Oh fuck off crumbs. No contraception is 100 per cent effective. Well done for making a person in a shit situation feel worse.

expatinscotland Sun 25-Dec-16 16:55:52

It's never worth trying to save a relationship with someone who tries to bully you into having a termination you don't want. Dump him.

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