Ok, I need to write this out to empty my head. I have two DC one will be 4 in early Jan and the other will be 3 in August. Neither of them were exactly planned but DH and I and them are happy.
I'm looking into getting myself and DS diagnosed with ADHD next year. I'm hopeful this will answer a lot of my questions and that there may be medication that will help me.
For DS I don't know what the answer will be but I'm hopeful we can put some things in place early to make school easier for him. Obviously he is a very challenging child and can be extremely hard to deal with some days. Although he is so loving and sweet and so funny when he is on form.
DH and I have been careful since DC2 was born and discussed a third endlessly. DH has always been happy with two.
We both struggled after the birth of dc1 (awful long nights filled with screaming and tears and dark dark days - Germany's darkest winter for forty years, there was actually an average of 0 hours of sunshine for the first two weeks or so of DS's life) when I think of DS as a newborn darkness screaming and crying are al I think about.
I had PND and it took a long time to sort it out properly.
We figured out it was probably a tomato intolerance that was making him so uncomfortable. DD was a much quieter baby.
But when DD was born DH seemed to also suffer some sort of huge mental stress and I really can't remember much about it now but he really struggled there for a time.
So, long story short I got my days mixed up and am about a week or two pregnant and we really don't know what to do.
DH would rather terminate and I've explained to him that I fully understand and appreciate where he is coming from - he watched me struggle through some very dark times and also SPD at the end of my second pregnancy which left me fairly housebound with an energetic 18 month old.
I'm just in such a muddle and I will go to the dr next week and have a good talk about the options.
It really is a heart and head fight. I could not be more internally divided.
I always wanted three and to realise that it could be more than I can cope with is also devastating. I feel disappointed in myself, for so many reasons.
I'm sorry this is so long. I just needed to put it all in one place.
I keep trying my hardest to think clearly. It I always end up crying.
I feel like the decision will break my heart, while it also has the potential to destroy my mental health.
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So conflicted.
19 replies
MrsNutella · 10/12/2016 22:03
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