Booked in for second abortion

[McChangenamerson]

I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess as I have no one to talk to about it irl.

DC 2 is just turned a year & I found out 4 days ago that I'm pregnant again. About 5 weeks.
I had a termination when DC1 was a year old, 3 years ago. I never thought I'd be the person who had an abortion never mind now having my second.
Not that it matters but all pregancies are by same DP.

I go between being completely numb (as I feel right now) to crying uncontrollably, mostly at night. I can't believe I've been such an idiot. I was so embarrassed taking the morning after pill a couple weeks ago and looks like I might already be pregnant.

There is no way we can have another baby right now. I've never even questioned that we might keep it as it's not an option. I know this is the right thing but I just want so badly for it not to be happening at all.

My partner tries to be supportive but is more of an "out of sight, out of mind" person "if we don't talk about it, it's not happening" his way of coping.

As I said, I'm not sure why I'm here. I just need an outlet I guess.

[McChangenamerson]

My word, my op is so badly written

Thank you Lady I'm 100% sure. I just wish it wasn't happening.

He was pretty much as he is now with the first one. We weren't in a good place & I suffered terribly with depression afterwards (possibly already had depression & this made it come to a head)

This aside, we're in a much happier & stronger together than 3 years ago. We're already living in a too small place & only just breaking even. Another baby would cripple us, plus with two already I genuinely don't feel I could cope right now with a third.
Am I really selfish?

[helenatroy]

Not if that's the way you feel. Take care of yourself as its never an easy decision to make. Do however talk to DH and keep on talking.

[McChangenamerson]

Oh no, I was questioning myself. I didn't think that anyone else here had.

I'm much better in myself. Until I found this out I'd say I was at my happiest.
Haven't seen my GP. Called BPAS a couple of hours after finding out & got an appointment for the end of this week coming for consultation with a view to having the procedure there & then. Having to travel a bit as my nearest clinic won't do it all on the same day but there is one 90mins or so away that will do it, provided scan & consultation are ok.
I didn't want to drag it out & also only recently back at work after mat leave so don't want any more time off than necessary. No hols so having to call in sick.

[McChangenamerson]

He can't go. He'll take me & pick me up but he'll have to have dc2 so can't come in.

I'll have to go back to work on Friday. I think that'll be fine.

I can't tell anyone else. I told a couple of close friends after the first one. I don't think I can admit to anyone about a second.

I told him over the weekend that I need to talk about it. Need to mention it. It's helping. He's not saying much back but being supportive. I think he's scared to put his foot in it. It's pretty rubbish for men at this time to have to second guess I suppose.

Thank you for your support. It's definitely helping to babble on here.

[McChangenamerson]

It's done. At home waiting on cramping kicking in & it finally to be over.
I'm confident in my (our) decision. Still just posting for an outlet for my thoughts really

[clottylotty]

hope you're ok

[srslylikeomg]

Ive had two terminations. When I said at the hospital 'I can't believe I'm here again, so stupid' the lovely doctor said 'not stupid, human'
I hope you're ok OP