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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Booked in for second abortion

(12 Posts)
McChangenamerson Sat 10-Sep-16 13:40:38

I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess as I have no one to talk to about it irl.

DC 2 is just turned a year & I found out 4 days ago that I'm pregnant again. About 5 weeks.
I had a termination when DC1 was a year old, 3 years ago. I never thought I'd be the person who had an abortion never mind now having my second.
Not that it matters but all pregancies are by same DP.

I go between being completely numb (as I feel right now) to crying uncontrollably, mostly at night. I can't believe I've been such an idiot. I was so embarrassed taking the morning after pill a couple weeks ago and looks like I might already be pregnant.

There is no way we can have another baby right now. I've never even questioned that we might keep it as it's not an option. I know this is the right thing but I just want so badly for it not to be happening at all.

My partner tries to be supportive but is more of an "out of sight, out of mind" person "if we don't talk about it, it's not happening" his way of coping.

As I said, I'm not sure why I'm here. I just need an outlet I guess.

LadyintheRadiator Sat 10-Sep-16 13:45:35

<unmnetty hug>

Don't feel stupid. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. If you are sure that you cannot continue with the pregnancy then you are sure, and you don't need to beat yourself up over it. Sorry your DP is not very supportive. Was he last time?

McChangenamerson Sat 10-Sep-16 14:03:53

My word, my op is so badly written blush

Thank you Lady I'm 100% sure. I just wish it wasn't happening.

He was pretty much as he is now with the first one. We weren't in a good place & I suffered terribly with depression afterwards (possibly already had depression & this made it come to a head)

This aside, we're in a much happier & stronger together than 3 years ago. We're already living in a too small place & only just breaking even. Another baby would cripple us, plus with two already I genuinely don't feel I could cope right now with a third.
Am I really selfish?

helenatroy Sat 10-Sep-16 14:08:31

Not if that's the way you feel. Take care of yourself as its never an easy decision to make. Do however talk to DH and keep on talking.

LadyintheRadiator Sat 10-Sep-16 15:31:56

No you're not selfish at all. I didn't mean to question if you are sure - I meant that it's ok to be absolutely sure and not wavering. Having a termination is never going to be an easy choice to make but that doesn't mean it's hard because you aren't sure whether to do it or not - it's just a hard, tough thing to experience. Sorry if it sounded like I was saying something else.

I can relate to your feelings. My children are a bit older now but aside from the occasional pang when holding someone else's baby I am absolutely certain I don't want another child and if I were to become pregnant I would have a termination, and it would be my second termination. I was very depressed after my second child and I just can't risk that again.

I'm worried that you were so depressed afterwards though. Are things better for you, aside from this, now?

Also you say you're booked in - so I assume you've seen your GP? How long do you have to wait? flowers

McChangenamerson Sat 10-Sep-16 17:45:56

Oh no, I was questioning myself. I didn't think that anyone else here had.

I'm much better in myself. Until I found this out I'd say I was at my happiest.
Haven't seen my GP. Called BPAS a couple of hours after finding out & got an appointment for the end of this week coming for consultation with a view to having the procedure there & then. Having to travel a bit as my nearest clinic won't do it all on the same day but there is one 90mins or so away that will do it, provided scan & consultation are ok.
I didn't want to drag it out & also only recently back at work after mat leave so don't want any more time off than necessary. No hols so having to call in sick.

LadyintheRadiator Sun 11-Sep-16 08:47:59

Will your DP go with you? Have you told anyone else, a friend? How much time can you take without it being difficult at work?

Sorry for asking a list of questions. I hope you're feeling okay today. I too really struggled after my termination and my DP didn't help much. We just didn't talk about it but I needed to, at first anyway. But I think he felt that I'd end up talking myself into regretting it, if that makes sense, which I didn't at all but it was still hard to deal with. I just felt so sad. I have come a long way in my own thoughts since then. But emotional support is still so important to being able to move on. I assume he's not in disagreement with you about having the termination?

McChangenamerson Tue 13-Sep-16 21:40:40

He can't go. He'll take me & pick me up but he'll have to have dc2 so can't come in.

I'll have to go back to work on Friday. I think that'll be fine.

I can't tell anyone else. I told a couple of close friends after the first one. I don't think I can admit to anyone about a second.

I told him over the weekend that I need to talk about it. Need to mention it. It's helping. He's not saying much back but being supportive. I think he's scared to put his foot in it. It's pretty rubbish for men at this time to have to second guess I suppose.

Thank you for your support. It's definitely helping to babble on here.

McChangenamerson Wed 14-Sep-16 14:33:25

It's done. At home waiting on cramping kicking in & it finally to be over.
I'm confident in my (our) decision. Still just posting for an outlet for my thoughts really

clottylotty Wed 14-Sep-16 20:18:19

hope you're ok cake

LadyintheRadiator Wed 14-Sep-16 22:22:03

I'm so glad you've been able to talk more with your DP even if he's quiet himself. Agree it's not easy for them. Listening and understanding goes such a long way.

Take care of yourself and rest as much as you can before you have to go back to work flowers glad you are feeling confident about the decision, this was the right thing to do for you and your family. Hope you're feeling okay flowers

srslylikeomg Wed 14-Sep-16 22:28:26

Ive had two terminations. When I said at the hospital 'I can't believe I'm here again, so stupid' the lovely doctor said 'not stupid, human'
I hope you're ok OP

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