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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

have this baby

(68 Posts)
user1990 Tue 06-Sep-16 10:03:04

I don't know what to do, I have a 3year old and I have had a brief relationship and I have found out I'm pregnant. The baby's dad hasn't been in touch since I told him and I'm too scared to tell my mum as I've got no job, single and will have two children with no father for them. I don't know if I can face them going through a pregnancy alone when my parents will be so upset and ashamed. I always wanted another baby but I wanted it to be happy news in a relationship as last time I was only in a short relationship and my parents couldn't get over it, they are better now but they didn't have anything to do with me for two years and they are nice with my little one now but I can see they are still bothered about me not being in a stable relationship when I had her. She is amazing and I know I'm a good mum but I don't know what to do and was looking for some advice.

Oysterbabe Tue 06-Sep-16 10:06:30

Maybe move this into pregnancy choices?
On the limited info you have provided, you don't sound like you want to have this baby. How do you feel about abortion?

DerekSprechenZeDick Tue 06-Sep-16 10:06:31

It's totally your choice. Do what's best for you.

Don't even think about aborting just for the sake of other people as you may end up resenting them.

If you aren't ready to do it again there is no shame in going ahead with the pregnancy.

Do you have any RL help?

user1990 Tue 06-Sep-16 10:14:47

I would like to keep the baby but I feel like it wouldn't be fair on the baby having no dad, I've no job, on benefits and I don't know if I can face my parents and others judgements.

VladmirsPoutine Tue 06-Sep-16 10:17:33

Quite frankly others can go and fuck themselves with their judgement.

It's 100% your decision to do what's best for you at the moment. How far along are you and what is your current living situation?

Helenluvsrob Tue 06-Sep-16 10:35:41

agree . You need to decide for YOU not because others will judge. 5/10yrs don't the line no one will even wonder about you having a baby but no father about it's so normal.

BUT end this pregnancy against what you really want and 5-10yrs down the line you will still be judging your self....

Go and get some proper face to face pregnancy choices counselling.

user1990 Tue 06-Sep-16 10:38:05

I've only just found out, I've lived in my house for a long time, nearly 7 years. I live on my own with my little girl.

BillSykesDog Tue 06-Sep-16 10:41:03

Lots of people have babies in happy settled relationships but circumstances mean that they end up with no Dad. And lots of unhappy families have two parents while lots of happy families have one. You need to make the decision that's right for you. Will your parents be supportive once the baby is here? Do you have friends who will support you? Siblings?

5BlueHydrangea Tue 06-Sep-16 10:44:40

You sound able to cope with one child. You have already made this new child, so.. Your parents may be disappointed initially but at the end of the day it will be their next Grandchild and most likely they will love him or her as much as the first one.
There are many single parents out there, many absent fathers too. Ideally I would say keep the baby. Nice age gap too..

KitKats28 Tue 06-Sep-16 10:48:43

The circumstances of your baby's conception are none of your parents' (or anyone else's) business. You are an adult and you don't have to discuss your sex life with anyone.

If your parents are financially supporting you or housing you, I could see that they would be entitled to an opinion, but they cannot tell you what to do.

If you purely consider yourself and your existing child, what would you want to do? Have the baby or terminate or have the baby adopted. What is the best thing for you?

Screw everyone else and their judgement. They are not you and don't have yo live your life. Good luck.

thatsnotmyusername Tue 06-Sep-16 10:53:11

There maybe 100 reasons not to, but if you want this baby that pretty much trumps them all.

Oysterbabe Tue 06-Sep-16 10:53:16

If you want to have your baby then have it. Everyone else will come round to the idea before long. Many women raise happy children with no father on the scene.

Olympiathequeen Tue 06-Sep-16 11:01:03

If you want to keep the baby and feel you can love it and be a good mother then that's the only thing that matters.

CheerfulYank Tue 06-Sep-16 11:01:05

If you want it, have it. Everyone else can fuck off. You said yourself you're a good mum smile In a few years they'll be at school and there will be time for jobs etc.

user1990 Tue 06-Sep-16 11:03:22

They don't support me financially and don't help with my little girl, I just feel so stupid and I don't want my children to be upset when they are older that they didn't have a dad. I have to see my parents every week as I visit them once a week and I feel like I can't face them every week knowing they are embarrassed and not happy. Last time they didn't speak to me, come and see my baby and I was completely alone, I gave birth alone and took my my baby home alone and it was terrifying so I know I can cope and my daughter is wonderful. She's just started nursery and is really happy and confident. My parents made it very clear that I had to be married or in a long term relationship if I wanted any more children.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain Tue 06-Sep-16 11:06:35

Sorry, im going to go against the herd here. It's not just a case of what you want. The most important thing is your existing child. How will your little girl be affected?

SukeyTakeItOffAgain Tue 06-Sep-16 11:07:34

Though it does sound like you need to break free of your domineering parents. How old are you OP?

BadTasteFlump Tue 06-Sep-16 11:13:57

^ This ^ with bells on.

My parents made it very clear that I had to be married or in a long term relationship if I wanted any more children

It's really none of their business and you need to start making that clear to them - though I realise that's probably easier said than done flowers

diddl Tue 06-Sep-16 11:14:11

" but they didn't have anything to do with me for two years and they are nice with my little one now"

They wouldn't be having the privilege of seeing my child after ignoring me for two years!

Does your daughter see her father?

Do you think that this father would want to be involved & would it bother you either way?

user1990 Tue 06-Sep-16 11:14:51

I'm 24, I want to do what's best for my little girl.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain Tue 06-Sep-16 11:21:10

That's the bit you need to concentrate on, doing what's best for your little girl. You're 24, a grown woman. Assert yourself to your parents. You have nothing to be ashamed of - it's not the 1950s.

However, seriously, think about the effect a new baby would have on your child and you as the primary carer. Remember that sometimes babies are not straightforward and healthy.

Mummyme1987 Tue 06-Sep-16 11:23:16

To be honest your parents are behaving badly. It's a form of behaviour modification/bullying. You want the baby. It's only because of them you are worried.

Mummyme1987 Tue 06-Sep-16 11:24:59

Do what's best for you and your daughter. You will have to live with this decision everyday for the rest of your life. You not your parents.
Best wishes xxx

Mummyme1987 Tue 06-Sep-16 11:26:28

I was married, had 3 kids, dad now not in picture. There's no guarantee with life.

Afreshstartplease Tue 06-Sep-16 11:27:15

TBH I think your parents are the ones who should be bloody ashamed of themselves

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