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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Considering Abortion

(12 Posts)
Awayandsee Sat 25-Jun-16 14:58:28

Hi all,

I'm 6 weeks pregnant and have a termination booked for this coming Tuesday, although I'm still so unsure about what I want to do.

I freelance and have no savings, live in a rented house with my partner of 5 years. I tend to work very long hours (often leaving the house at 5am not to return til 10pm) so probably wouldn't be able to continue this career after having a baby. My partners wage isn't enough to cover our rent (let alone bills, council tax, food etc). I suppose there's the option of him giving up work to be a stay at home parent, he's great with kids for short bursts but looking after a baby full time is a different kettle of fish!

I hate the idea of having an abortion but with no family close by and our financial situation I don't see any other way. I've tried and failed at using benefits calculators, I have no idea whether we'd be entitled to any help beyond child benefit.

But I can't help thinking that maybe it would work out in the end, perhaps it's better to have kids earlier and then retrain once they're a little by older? I'm 28 so not that young, but have just got to the point in my career (after working my arse off) where I'm just about financially stable.

Has anybody else been in a similar situation? Would love to know if things have worked out in the end.

Thanks xx

Afreshstartplease Sat 25-Jun-16 15:00:26

How much does your partner earn?

Awayandsee Sat 25-Jun-16 15:05:32

He is on about 15,000 pre tax. We live in London so it doesn't go very far.

Afreshstartplease Sat 25-Jun-16 15:09:21

You should definitely get some help then I would say

If money was no object would you keep the baby?

DickCheese Sat 25-Jun-16 15:11:13

Sorry you're thinking about such a tough decision. I've never had to consider it, but I would say : don't make your decision purely based on finances. A child really doesn't cost as much as people seem to think (though obviously childcare doesn't come cheap) but think about you, your relationship, your career and think about whether you want a baby - not about money.

Awayandsee Sat 25-Jun-16 15:22:08

Its hard to say.

It would be such a massive life change, I'd be worried about resenting the loss of my freedom, as selfish as that sounds!

But I also know that I definitely want children so I'll just have to get over that.

flowerpower10 Sat 25-Jun-16 15:27:01

Try citizens Advice bureau they can help you find out what help you may get

Also try talking it through with partner and a therapist which you should have in with the clinic and 6 wk is still early enough to give yourself a little more time to make a choice what ever that maybe

randomer Sat 25-Jun-16 15:28:28

don't have any religious or moral feelings on this.... just seems like a big decision. If you want children well the choice has made itself?

DickCheese Sat 25-Jun-16 15:30:33

Not gonna lie, having a baby can be pretty shit - especially if it wasn't planned. Don't go into with rose tinted glasses. You will lose your independence, you may resent it, but if it's something you want at some point then you're going to lose your independence at some point and just have to deal with it. If you never wanted a baby I think it would be an easier choice than the fact you would like a baby but not sure it's the right time. Not that that helps you make a decision! But lots of babies are unplanned and things have a way of working themselves out. If you freelance, could you consider moving further out of London for example? Can you think of any practical ways to improve your situation?

eyestotheskies Sat 25-Jun-16 19:42:11

Hi op, I was in a similar position 5 years ago... My partner had just quit his job, I was studying/volunteering while working several low paid jobs, no financial security etc, I was also 28.

I considered abortion, went to the clinic and didn't go through with it.
Spent pregnancy worrying id lost my freedom, life was over etc etc. Very negative. Just before the baby arrived, dp got a job in something he loved, and while we we did not have loads of money, we had enough, I got statutory mat pay, child benefit and child tax credits. You would also be eligible for housing benefit probably,

Don't have an abortion if you don't want one - not for financial reasons anyway. Things can be worked out over the course of the pregnancy.

eyestotheskies Sat 25-Jun-16 19:46:18

Also, my dp's income was around 15k and we were eligible for tax credits and probably housing benefit (had v cheap rent luckily so didn't apply)

While having a baby was and is a big life change, I am so glad that I made the decision I did as I know I would have regretted an abortion (had one as a teen and it affected me deeply). Yes have children is hard at times, I have 2 now, but it's also great, can't imagine life without them.

expatinscotland Sat 25-Jun-16 19:55:24

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

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