Hi everyone. This is abit personal but I feel like I need to let it out. I had an abortion last Thursday I was 7wks and it was surgical I had the coil fitted too. It was awful I feel terrible and I have a one year old to look after and I feel like I'm not good enough for him at the moment, I lashed out in anger at my partner not physically but said some words Saturday night cause I feel like he wasn't there for me as he dropped me of at the clinic and even said he'd wait for me but when I got out he was no where to be seen. He was in the office sat with his dad and I feel so hurt and I will talk to him about this. It's so hard to forget about as I know what a baby looks like at 7wks as that was my 1st scan I had with my 1 year old and it brought back memories. Iv currently been given anti depressants as my mind isn't all there as me and my partner have had problems I'm on week 2/3 of them and iv caused them cause of my mind and how it works.. We haven't spoken all Sunday nor today I know he's stubborn but it's killing me! I hate this. Can anyone help in reassuring me?
I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time, especially without sufficient support from your partner. Is he always like this?
I'm sure you have been told but, remember that ADs often take 6 weeks to work, so really try to take some pressure off yourself. It's ok to feel bad when life isn't going well, so don't expect yourself to be strong. Is there someone in rl who you could spend some time with, your mum, a best friend?
Do whatever makes things easier for yourself for a while, give yourself time to process, and physically and emotionally recover.
The thing is no-one really knows how they will feel after a termination and there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. It sounds like you are grieving and need some time. Is there anyway you can stay with family or friends for a while since your partner is being so shit about it? You need to be around people who care.
It also sounds like you didn't get the right support from the medical professionals. At 7 weeks you should have been able to have the medical termination, is there a reason why you didn't? Were you offered any counselling?
No body knows how they will feel after a termination but I think it's important to remember you made that decision because it is best for you/your current situation.
It must be difficult with a dp that didn't wait and isn't talking to you, is it possible he feels the same as you now the abortion is done? It might be effecting him too. Do try to have a talk maybe when your child is in bed?
The surgical sorting must of made the process harder for you, why didn't they give you the abortion pill? (I think that's a thing)
Try and remember that hormonally you will be all over the place at the moment. You need to give yourself time to start feeling back to normal. Please try and take care of yourself. Eat properly, get some sleep. Talk you your partner about how you are feeling. Remember you can always go back to the clinic to access their counselling service.
Try and take every day as it comes - What a friend said to me, when I terminated at 12 weeks is that 'time is a great healer'.. whilst I honestly, couldn't believe it was true as I felt SO bad... she was right, it really does help.
I was far more worried about the physical changes in my body and the bleeding and pain - when actually, that was absolutely fine... what I wasn't prepared for in any way, was how I felt afterwards..... relief, then guilt, and even thought I know I did the right thing for me... I felt empty, really, really empty.
I found it really helpful to talk about it to supportive friends and non-judgemental family... I didn't feel ashamed, but I felt so much guilt. I said to my friend that I would never, ever judge another womans choice... however I couldn't give myself that support and just felt so guilty over my actions - I thought I could rationalise it and look logically at what I had done, but that's taken 9 months and even now, I'm not fully over it.
What I'm trying to say in a bad way is... you feel how you feel - there is nothing wrong with how you're feeling and you shouldn't feel you can't talk to your partner or anyone else you want support from.