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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Which termination / abortion?

(9 Posts)
moofolk Sat 21-May-16 17:01:32

I am just pregnant and am 100% sure termination is right for me: 3 kids already, busy life, no money.
I've been to a clinic today and sent away as too early to see on a scan - and I thought I was being super organised!
My choices are a medical (pills and miscarry at home) or local anaesthetic (needle into cervix, then vac?!) and wondering which is best? The local apparently is fairy painful it then 'done and dusted,' other is bleeding for a week or two and is basically an induced miscarriage. I hear that this way your body deals with better as a miscarriage is a reasonably normal thing for it to deal with, but the vac also seems quick - but maybe too quick and easy? Not that I'd relish a needle in the cervix but no options are rosy right now.
I'm not taking it lightly but I do know it's the right thing for my family. Also slightly worried about miscarrying at home, potentially with kids about. Has anybody had experience of either recently? I have a loving and supportive OH but for various reasons cannot tell anybody else.

Abbinob Sat 21-May-16 17:04:21

You can have the surgical (suction thingy) done under sedation (sort of makes you feel drunk and unaware, but not asleep) that's what I had and had no pain at all, was relieved to just go in and get it all out the way there and then so for me that was a good choice

cookielove Sat 21-May-16 17:06:09

I had a d&v after I mmc which involved being put to sleep then waking up when it was over. I was much further along and didn't want to see anything. It was painless and i barely bled in the following days. I realise this is not the same as an abortion but imagine the procedure is similar. I also have had recently a needle in the cervix (well 4) for a different reason and while it was painful it was manageable!


moofolk Sat 21-May-16 19:14:11

Does it at all make sense that the medical is more 'natural'? I wonder if it's that I feel the need for the release / cathartic aspect of it. They say a plus point is that you're at home but not sure that's such a boon if the DKs are running around wondering what's wring & wanting throwing around!

Thelittleredhead Mon 23-May-16 09:29:07

I can't comment on the surgical option but I had a medical abortion at 8.5 weeks a few years back. It would maybe be different for you as you aren't so far along, but I would just say if you choose to go down that route, try to find someone to look after your kids for at least a few hours after you get home. It was painful and exhausting. Not unmanageably painful, I don't want to scare you...but painful enough that I wouldn't have wanted to do anything except lying on the sofa watching crap tv for a day (yes, I guess it was good to be able to be at home). Also factor in that, in my experience at least, half-hourly - hourly trips to the bathroom to change my pad were necessary, and at one point I just had to sit on the toilet and let it flow (sorry, I know that's gross but it was the reality).

After the first day it was totally manageable, just like a heavy period.

I also didn't really want to have the abortion, I was pressured into it, so I had the added emotional aspect, which may also be forming part of my "I was quite incapacitated" memory of the whole thing, but if you are 100% sure, then I guess you can disregard that.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Thurlow Mon 23-May-16 09:36:03

I had the medical termination as I just wanted it done quickly (sickness was kicking in) and they only offered a surgical termination later and in a difficult location to get to.

It was fine, really - like a very heavy period, and it certainly didn't last two weeks. The first few days were a bit knackering, just like being under the weather really, and then after that it was very manageable. Lots of pads and ibuprofen and it really is manageable.

Having said that, if I was ever in that situation again I would probably chose a surgical termination as it is over and done with quicker. In your case, if you are physically ok during early pregnancy and are ok to maybe wait a week or so longer, I would probably chose a surgical. It might be easier with a surgical one to ask for help, as you could tell someone you are having a different little op, like that more detailed smear maybe, that you could do with some help on the day of and after?

But if you do want it done quickly and the medical termination is the first thing they can offer you then IME it was not a difficult thing to go through (bar the emotional side of having an abortion).

moofolk Mon 23-May-16 10:41:21

Thanks all, I really appreciate hearing all our experiences and advice. I can really see why the medical would be difficult, especially if you're not convinced it's the right choice. I am convinced it's right but it still sounds quite traumatic. So much more visceral!
I have also realised that it's half term next week so although OH will be around, that's even less break from the LOs.
I think I am going to try to go for the surgical, purely for the quickness and less mess.
I called my local central booking line on Saturday and was given an appointment the same day at a linked clinic (NUPAS) rather than the hospital. I'd be happy to have taken the pills from there but for the surgical it's their clinic in a nearby town. However I live in the city near the big, shiny, clean, new (ish) women's hospital so I'm going to try and rebook there instead, I'm hoping that having had the first appointment elsewhere won't cause complications. The clinic staff were all really lovely but the place itself seemed a bit grubby and had a seedy backstreet abortion feel about it which nobody wants!

moofolk Mon 06-Jun-16 11:48:45

I'm just adding a post in case anyone else looking for advice and experience. Thanks again for shared experiences, what I found was that whatever methods people had experienced, they generally said that was ok. I read some medical journal research that said pretty much the same thing (women generally happy with the choices they make. Could be more to this but that's another thread...). It also means a lot to get non-judgemental advice from women who've had miscarriages not abortions who will speak about their experiences, which must be really hard.
In the end I went to my local women's hospital and had a medical termination. This involved taking a tablet then going back two days later. I was given two more tablets vaginally and had to wait until the pregnancy had "passed" which involved using a bed pan which fitted on the toilet seat. I had my own room and toilet. All the nurses were lovely. I was on my own but could have taken someone with me. OH had the kids, but I had a text - based cheerleading squad.
The main thing that got me through was being really prepared and feeling like I owned the process.
In many ways I was over prepared. I had a week before hand of moping, planning and getting ready. I took books, colouring band music with me, but mainly thought and looked out of the window.
The adult colouring books helped for that point where you just need distracting.
I was very early on and so when it eventually came, all passed in one go and I was ready to go home.
I feel good now (2 days later), I think because I was really ready for it and excuse the inspirational meme-style language but I had decided to, and felt I did, own the process.
Almost like the empowered birth I never had! (Also came home to three excited kids clamouring for attention and a gorgeous man making me hot water bottles, no worries about making the wrong decision)!
So my advice for anyone in a similar situation. Do what you feel is right for you and your family but be prepared. flowers

Thurlow Mon 06-Jun-16 12:15:44

Glad it went well, it's refreshing to read a post from someone who is so comfortable they made the right decision. flowers for the future

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