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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

late termination

(8 Posts)
FlorenceMoore100 Sun 08-May-16 20:24:56

me and my partner face a late termination (23 weeks) on tuesday. ive already had a child, but with unforseen complications, it would be unfair to the child for us to have it, for starters i didnt even know i was pregnant until 21 weeks. im devistated to have to do this, and i dont know what to expect. i have to have an injection through the stomach to avoid a live birth, then take a pill and birth her the next day. has anyone been through this? knows how it feels? im worried beyond belief, not for me, for baby, will she feel anything?

scoobyloobyloo Sun 08-May-16 20:33:52

I am having a late termination on Wednesday on one of my twins due to a fatal diagnosis. I will be 32 weeks. The termination is quick but not painless at both your stage and my stage for the baby, they show a response to the stimulus (needle) and it takes a little while to pass away - less than 2 minutes.

Have you had some good counselling about this? It is hugely traumatic, I have known for 15 weeks that this would be the outcome, that the baby would otherwise suffer at birth and that keeping it alive poses a serious risk to my other baby. I still cry every day and am very emotionally fragile about it.

By no means at all am I questioning your reasoning and I understand that time is of the essence for you. I have changed my mind several times over the 17 weeks about whether to take the baby to birth or not. I would just hate for you to have any regrets about this. If you need someone to chat to, please pm me.

FlorenceMoore100 Sun 08-May-16 20:37:11

I've not had long to think or such, where I live they can only do these procedures up to 24 weeks, so I've had to make it quickly. My partner has been very supportive, but we haven't talked about her much. I think it's an avoided subject. I've been asked if I'd like to name her, and any special requests but I'm unsure whether I should, would it make me feel more guilty? I didn't tell any of my family, just me my best friend and partner know, so there isn't much room for talking

scoobyloobyloo Sun 08-May-16 21:01:31

I'd really suggest that you get some advice outside of your family circle before Tuesday. Who is in charge of your care?

You can call ARC tomorrow morning and speak to someone who is trained in giving advice in this area.

It's going to be very hard for anyone on here to advise you as we don't know the details of your family set up and what had contributed to your decision.

I don't think naming/not naming the baby will contribute to your guilt but perhaps not having fully discussed/considered the options may result in some distress later on.

I am so very sorry you are in this situation and having to make such a difficult decision so quickly.

scoobyloobyloo Sun 08-May-16 21:03:17

ARC are on 0207 713 7486 from 10 am tomorrow morning.

KittyandTeal Mon 09-May-16 20:09:02

There is very little scientific evidence or research into babies feeling pain in utero so no definite answer.

I have a late termination for medical reasons after a trisomy diagnosis that was lethal. I had an amnio to diagnose her T18 and assumed the injection would be the same, weird, uncomfortable but not painful. However, I found the process painful and very traumatic. I have had a years worth of counselling to come to terms with our decision and our loss. I have very little memory of the injection, my brain disassociated.

I know you are on a time limit that scooby and I weren't but you do need to speak to someone outside of your situation. I'm not sure the lovely ladies at arc would have anyone with your experience, I think they mainly deal with people who have had late terminations after a diagnosis (I am correct in thinking your baby doesn't have a diagnosis, hence the 24 week limit?)

Are you having the termination on the nhs or have they referred you to a private clinic? Either way they should have a counsellor available for you. In fact I thought they insisted on a couple of sessions before carrying out a later termination.

DawnMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 20-Jun-16 20:53:56

Hi OP, hope you don't mind but we're going to move this thread over to our Pregnancy Choices topic now as we think it's the best place to post. flowers

eyestotheskies Wed 22-Jun-16 18:07:58

I second trying to access counselling - especially as you don't sound sure of your choice which will make this harder for you to come to terms with. I think the clinics have telephone counselling you can access.

In your op you mention unforeseen complications - do you mean the baby has a medical condition?

Sorry you're in this situation op.

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