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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

45 and pregnant. Please help. Anyone in a similar boat. Older Mums ?

(4 Posts)
Bluebells9 Sat 07-May-16 10:49:24

Hi all I am all over the place and cannot make a decision. Am with my partner 4 years, we each have 16 year old child and are planning our lives together. However, I just found out I am pregnant. Shocked, upset, scared, all the emotions possible are there the past few days. My partner is 52 and thinks he is too old to be a parent again, it is not fair on a child etc. I am swinging from agreement with this, mostly because I think it is unfair the child who`s half-siblings will be too old to play anz major roll so the child will be effectively an only child. I think my own teen missed out by not having a sibling and I dont want to do the same to another child. Plus I will be the old Mam at the school gate, hard on the child, hard to connect with the younger Mums etc. We are both worried about the potential health risks to the child because of my age aswell. BUT, when I think of a termination, I break down and cant stop crying. I dread the thought, the after effects and I wonder if this is a wonderful opprtunity that we should grasp. Will I regret it. I am so upset. Have made an appointment for an early termination but I am already angry, sad, doubting if it is the right thing. Scared. A child would be a lovely addition in the house and i have all the lovely images attached to that. Then I think of the above realities again. I am so confused but need to make adecision. It is tearing me apart. Partner says he will have the baby if I cannot live with the alternative. Please help...

BlitheringIdiot Sat 07-May-16 11:08:04

Hi- what a tough situation. I am 43 and just had my second, though the age gap is much less. You certainly wouldn't be unique in having a baby at this age- but it seems to me that your age isn't necessarily your only concern. Can you access counselling? It sounds like you need to spend time sounding out your feelings and considering your options, and it would probably help if you could do that with someone who isn't involved. Deep breaths.

Whatabanana Sun 08-May-16 22:53:49

Hi, I'm 43 and just discovered a surprise pregnancy. Similar age gaps and concerns. My husband would prefer not to have the baby but accepts that it is my body so I get to decide. I don't think we should have another child but I am too scared to do anything else. So hard.

aliceinwanderland Sun 08-May-16 22:57:22

well, my eldest sibling is 17 years older than me. The next in age was 11. While I didn't have them as playmates growing up it was likely having lots of indulgent aunts/uncles and I became proper friends with them in my 20s.

It sounds like you do want this child, so I think you should have it.

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