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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Pregnant and don't want be

(54 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Tia2005 Mon 11-Apr-16 13:16:10

I'm about 4 weeks and I no it sounds bad but I really don't want to be I had a baby 7 mths ago and I can't do it all again.i go back to work soon and there going to be really funny I'm in total shock I really need advice

AnUtterIdiot Mon 11-Apr-16 13:21:51

It doesn't sound bad (coming from someone who is pregnant and does want to be).

What do you want to do? Is there a partner on the scene? Do they know you're pregnant again?

MissSmiley Mon 11-Apr-16 13:26:40

Don't worry about work. My sister went back after her first mat leave pregnant again. They weren't over the moon at first but they actually kept the mat leave cover person on and she covered both her maternity leaves. She only had two kids so overall probably less disruption.

Whether you would still want yo go through with it without worrying about work that's another thing that only you know the answer to. It's hard work being pregnant and going birth and seven months isn't long for your body to recover but plenty of people do it. Have you just got the one child already?

BeardMinge Mon 11-Apr-16 13:28:45

It doesn't sound bad, I would feel the same (and actually I know someone who was in the same position and chose not to go ahead with the pregnancy). It is still very early, so you should be able to go to your GP and get some tablets.

Two children very close together can be wonderful I'm sure, but it's not for everyone. My friend made her decision based on the state of her marriage at the time, her mental health, and their financial situation. Her first child is now 15 months and she is thinking about trying again now in far better circumstances.

Tia2005 Mon 11-Apr-16 13:50:19

I'm still with the father but he has problems and he don't help with the baby we don't live togeather I also have a 10 year old from another relationship the father is happy about the Pregency but I'm not I'm such a horrible person saying that when others going through mc and ttc

BeardMinge Mon 11-Apr-16 14:02:41

No you're not. Other peoples fertility issues have no bearing on your personal situation. Bottom line is that it's your body, and if you don't want to have another baby right now you absolutely don't have to. You don't have to feel guilty about it either.

I mean it's nice that your partner is happy about having another one, I imagine I'd be quite happy to have another three or four if I wasn't the parent who had to do another nine months of pregnancy, childbirth, the day to day childcare of two young children, the sleepless nights, or take a hit to my earning potential and career progression.

Tia2005 Mon 11-Apr-16 14:08:17

that's my point he just don't get it !

CityMole Mon 11-Apr-16 14:22:40

You are not a horrible person, and you are well within your rights not to want to be growing another child when you only just had one! ESPECIALLY if the father of the child has some problems of his own. you might even take the view that you owe it to your other children not to bring another child into the household so unexpectedly, when you already have enough on your plate.

Speak to your GP, and they will refer you to somebody who can help you with your decision. At this very early stage there are lots of options available to you.

Thurlow Mon 11-Apr-16 14:26:32

You're not a horrible person at all flowers

If you don't want to be pregnant, and you are sure that this is what you want (I saw this as you sound quite sure) then it is a very straightforward process to terminate an early pregnancy. Call your GP and get an appointment and hopefully you you should have a referral and everything done within a fortnight.

Don't feel bad because other people are struggling or other people are desperate for a baby. It's sad that these things happen, but you are you, living your life, and you need to do what you want to do. There is a [ Pregnancy Choices]] board if you want to ask for this to be moved, purely because there are more people on that board who have practical experience and can offer advice.

Tia2005 Thu 14-Apr-16 22:31:04


livvylongpants Thu 14-Apr-16 22:37:59

aww bless you, give BPAS a ring, they can arrange for you to have a consultation to talk it through and then treatment options if you decide thats what you want. I have been in a similar situation and didnt feel comfortable talking to my family GP x

wonkylampshade Thu 14-Apr-16 22:42:36

You can have your thread moved to Pregnancy Choices if you report it, op.

I was in your position late last year and terminated - it's very hard but you have to do what you believe is best thanks

Tia2005 Thu 14-Apr-16 22:45:59

Just don't want this , my bf saying he won't talk to me or see his child again if I get a abortion and he won't support me

HelenF35 Thu 14-Apr-16 22:54:11

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that used emotional blackmail like that. He sounds vile op. Having said that I'm not in your situation so shouldn't be judging. Think carefully and decide what is right for you, not what everyone else thinks you should do.

proudmom135 Thu 14-Apr-16 23:07:01

Don't just decide on your own. Talk to other people (credible ones) and tell them how you're feeling. Strain out advises and weigh, which of those can benefit you more.

LucyBabs Thu 14-Apr-16 23:16:18

Tia stop putting yourself down you are not a horrible person.
You have found yourself in an upsetting and confusing situation.
I've had an abortion.. when I saw the positive result I honestly fell apart.
I just couldn't have another child and I didn't want another child.
The decision was easy for me and I knew I was doing the right thing for me.

If YOU want to have another baby or if YOU want to end the pregnancy, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Your dp is being a prick sorry. Please talk to a counsellor. I think someone mentioned bpas? (I'm not from the UK)

Best of luck whatever decision you make flowers

Pootles2010 Fri 15-Apr-16 09:56:40

Tell him to get knobbed, what sort of a man is he? What a fuckwit. Talk to a non-fuckwit about it, talk to your gp, ask if counselling is available. He doesn't help with the baby anyway! Sounds like he'd be doing you a favour fucking off.

Honestly love, it's not wrong - i had one when i was younger, I have never ever regretted it - totally right choice for me at that time. As others have said, do what is right for you. I think you already know what that is though, tbh.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 15-Apr-16 10:10:10

Just don't want this , my bf saying he won't talk to me or see his child again if I get a abortion and he won't support me

if he's saying that then he's already looking fir a way out. don't make a decision based on his black mail.

he clearly has no intention of sticking round.

do what you want and need to do. it's your body and your choice and not one that should be made in order to appease a man who's barely involved anyway.

you are not a horrid person. you get to make a

2under2aagh Fri 15-Apr-16 10:13:48

How did you end up pregnant?
Were you using contraception?

chelle792 Fri 15-Apr-16 10:17:30

I had a miscarriage last year. I don't think you're a horrible person, I think you're doing what's right for the two children you already have. Look after yourself flowers

chelle792 Fri 15-Apr-16 10:18:53

Hang on, I'm thinking I was a bit clunky in my last post. What I'm saying is what happens to other people has no weight on what you're going through. Other people's miscarriages or fertility problems are not your worry. You and your children are your priority

MiniMover Fri 15-Apr-16 10:21:59

You have a young baby and an unsupportive are of a partner. You soon confident that you do not want to be pregnant. It's sounds like a termination us right for you. As you're so early, it can be fairly straightforward. Make an appointment to see your GP or ring bpas. You're not a terrible person and your decision has no impact or effect on anyone else trying to get pregnant or suffering a mc. flowers

MiniMover Fri 15-Apr-16 10:23:00

That should say 'arse of a partner' I'd have the termination as its what you want and ditch the unsupportive dick.

wonkylampshade Fri 15-Apr-16 10:58:17

2under2 that's totally irrelevant to the OP.

2under2aagh Fri 15-Apr-16 11:07:52

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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