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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Pregnant with unplanned fifth child. In turmoil.

(8 Posts)
lemonade30 Sun 03-Apr-16 11:13:19

Just that really.
Found out yesterday that I'm four weeks pregnant. I have four children already aged 10,7, almost 4 and 2.5.
This has come as a bit of a shock and we were definitely not planning for any more. I work full time and thankfully have a good career with good progression prospects and an above average salary. DP is a SAHD.

Three of my babies were born by c section though with the last being pretty horrific as my anaesthetic was ineffective. She was an August baby and I blame the novice anaesthetists/surgeons performing the operation but it put me off ever putting myself through it again.

Practically we have a large three double bedroom house so the two girls share a room and the boys share another.
Our bedroom is large enough for a baby to share (with all their paraphernalia)

We bought a bloody husky pup on Friday confused
The timing of the pregnancy is just crap.

I don't know what maternity benefits package my company has in place as I've been there only six months. It's a mess.

I was definite in my decision to terminate yesterday but this changed to wanting to keep the baby then back to seeing termination as the only sensible option.

Urgh.

Any words of advice or hand holding would be very gratefully received.

OddSocksHighHeels Sun 03-Apr-16 20:57:46

You've still got time to make a decision. You could ask BPAS or Marie Stopes for counselling to see if that helps you to decide.

With most things it seems sensible to weigh up the pros and cons and see what makes the most sense but I don't think this really applies to pregnancies! You don't need to be in a perfect position to have a baby and you don't need to have a baby just because things seem perfect on paper.

Do you have stronger feelings one way or the other at the moment?

I'm happy to hold your hand while you're thinking it all through brew

lemonade30 Wed 06-Apr-16 14:30:59

Thanks for your reply Socks smile

I suppose I'm leaning more towards carrying on with the pregnancy despite the apparent impracticality.
Then again at times I am almost resolute that I'm going to have a medical termination.

Is wing between both options if I'm honest, although I'd love to be able to have the baby I'm petrified of dying in theatre (dramatic) and leaving my children without a mum, I'm also worried of the impact of a fifth child on my existing children. Finances worry me, the reaction of my family worries me.

I think it would be a bit of a strain on my relationship with DP. We're going through a bit of a rough patch and everything he does seems to be annoying me...
He isn't thrilled about the pregnancy but is leaving the decision up to me as he doesn't want me to resent him for pushing me towards a termination. I suspect it's what he wants though.

Perhaps counselling would help, I'm glad I've got a few weeks to make a decision in any case, although I'm feeling generally crappy already confused

Thanks for the hand holding x

kosh71 Fri 08-Apr-16 23:17:10

hi I am 5w pregnant and a mess too (see my thread)
I have no idea how to make this decision either but for very different reasons to yours.
happy to hold your hand if you hold mine flowers

BlueOcean26 Mon 26-Sep-16 11:06:29

Can I ask what you decided? I am also in same situation as you with my fourth and looking for what other people decided worst decision of my life sad x

EllenDegenerate Sun 02-Oct-16 19:42:00

Hi Blue

I'm the original OP.
I'm currently almost 31 weeks pregnant.
I made an appointment at the clinic but couldn't go through with an abortion.

We've slowly got our heads around having our fifth baby and feeling content with our decision.

I'm having sterilisation at the time of my c section which is scheduled for 30th November so that this will definitely be my last pregnancy.

Feel free to pm me if you need to talk. It's a hard situation and I hope that you can make the decision which will be best for you flowers

Imnotmyself Mon 03-Oct-16 16:25:42

I'm in similar position to you OP. 31 weeks pregnant. Scheduled for C-section on 2nd December. I'm 40 , this will be my third c-section. I have no family nearby and my dh and I are on modest incomes. Lots of my friends have/had the same family as me one 6, one 3 or 4, we were through the really tough baby years and moving on. I had an MC at the end of last year - made me think I was desperate for another one. I'm now horrified and have not managed to get my head around this pregnancy at all. Also considered termination but could not go through with it, given that I had brow-beaten my dh into trying at all. It is not at all what he would have chosen and now I know it is not what I would have chosen either. I'm literally praying for some sort of divine intervention to change this situation ( no idea how I think that would manifest itself). Every day I have an anxiety attack : money, loss of freedom, things that need to be done to the house that we will now probably never be able to afford, lack of time to give to my two DDs. Feel so selfish and down. I've been referred to local mental health team but there does not seem much they can do for me (OT said 'You have very compelling arguments for feeling as you do about the baby, my job is to help you find positives, but you have to think there are positives for me to help you there'. ) I fear there are no positives... Keep asking my dh if we can have this one adopted. Sad because I love children.

BlueOcean26 Wed 12-Oct-16 22:49:52

Hi Ellen, thank you for the response smile I had the decision taken out of my hands I was booked into an abortion appointment for the Friday which I didn't think I could go through with but on the Wednesday before appointment I had a miscarriage and had it confirmed at hospital the day after I guess it was my bodies waking of knowing it wasn't meant to be but thank you for your reply and good luck I'm glad you made the decision that makes you happy smile x

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