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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

terminated baby for downs syndrome

(31 Posts)
sairam88 Sun 13-Mar-16 15:10:25

Recently I had terminated my pregnancy after finding that my baby had downs syndrome based on cvs test and 12 weeks scan. My husband and myself are totally devasted cz we had lots of dreams and excitement about our baby as this was our first pregnancy. I had prayed to almighty so much before our cvs results but He also let us down. We cried a lot and even now crying and unable to come out of this trauma as all this happened in a span of ten days. Passing every day is so difficult as we keep thinking about our lost child. We want her back now. So I just wanted to know if anyone has had healthy babies after terminating previous baby with downs syndrome.

KittyandTeal Sun 13-Mar-16 15:14:30

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Generally you'll feel worse before you feel better.

Trisomies are pretty much just shitty luck. After dd2 being diagnosed with T18 we were told by all the medical professionals that they had never seen 2 trisomy babies born to the same mother.

marmiteontoast76 Sun 13-Mar-16 15:17:33

So sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you.

sairam88 Sun 13-Mar-16 17:48:56

Thanks for understanding my state. But u ve any idea if downs syndrome can recur in future pregnancies

VocationalGoat Sun 13-Mar-16 17:55:15

We had two consecutive trisomy pregnancies. We went on to have a healthy baby whonis nearly two now.

It's pretty soul destroying stuff and it shakes you up. Twice in a row left me crumbling. But of course there is every chance you'll go on to have healthy babies.

Have you joined the ARC forum?

Sometimesithinkimbonkers Sun 13-Mar-16 17:58:53

Your dreams need not be quashed just because a child has disabilities. My DS has s rare gene mutation and will never live an independent life. As I type he is hiding in a tent with his iPad and a fluffy blanket giggling at his iPad.

I'm sorry you decided to make the decision you made and now you have regrets.
Life dealt us this hand and we are very grateful. I'm sorry I can't be more help.

It might be worth you speaking to a genetic counsellor regarding your chances of conceiving another child with a genetic disorder and to help you through your previous decisions.

Best wishes

Chrisinthemorning Sun 13-Mar-16 18:08:41

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, it sucks. We terminated for Downs in 2011. We have a healthy little boy now who is 3 and the light of our lives. FWIW I now rarely think about it, have no regrets. Having DS healed me. I hope your rainbow comes soon to heal you too.

VocationalGoat Sun 13-Mar-16 18:09:20

www.arc-uk.org/for-parents/arc-forum

The joining process is very secure (no trolls or opposing views...just mums like you, mourning their angels, making peace with a heartbreaking decision, hoping for rainbows).

It's a safe haven, OP.

Chrisinthemorning Sun 13-Mar-16 18:10:18

We were told chance of recurrence is 1 in 100, although higher with older mother. I was nearly 35 when DS was born. We won't be having any more.

KittyandTeal Sun 13-Mar-16 18:26:39

Arc are brilliant and have much more accurate information.

We were given a 1:1000 chance of a reoccurrence. There is research out there that suggests the reoccurrence is closer to 1:100 but our consultant explained it is hard to know as it is a collective of lots of research data. Tbh there doesn't seem to be a huge amount about reoccurrence rates.

There is a poster thedisillusionedanarchist who is wonderful and gave me a link to a really interesting paper on trisomy reoccurrence.

It really shakes you up. I have had a subsequent pregnancy that was trisomy free. Sadly and as a shock to us all he died last week at 13+1 gestation. We don't know why yet but it doesn't look structural or chromosome based, they think a sudden occurrence like a blood clot or some sort of infection. Who knows. However, we had a negative harmony screen with him so it is possible to have a non trisomy pregnancy after loosing a baby to a trisomy.

ChatEnOeuf Sun 13-Mar-16 18:53:54

You should be offered genetics testing to see if either of you are carriers of a balanced translocation, which would alter the recurrence risk. Generally, though, it's pretty uncommon.

Sorry for the decision you were faced with, and for your loss flowers

Foxsox Sun 13-Mar-16 19:09:27

I just wanted to share my condolences with you xxxxx

Theleavesonthetrees Sun 13-Mar-16 19:11:49

I went through this too, as did a friend shortly after. It is devastating and I don't think anyone can understand it if they haven't been through it. The grief is overwhelming but does ease over time. It is a terrible decision to be faced with. You made the right decision for your family at the time. That is all anyone can do. Hold onto that.
my friend went on to have a healthy baby and I am heavily pregnant with a baby who has not had any abnormalities detected in antenatal screening.
I am sorry you feel God let you down. I struggled with this too, but in the end, I don't believe God causes babies to be born disabled or non disabled. I hope over time you can find some reconciliation in this part of your life too.

Moomazoo Sun 13-Mar-16 19:13:21

God didn't let you down ....

Moomazoo Sun 13-Mar-16 19:15:47

Can this be moved to pregnancy choices please???!!!!!!

As a mum with a disabled child ... I don't look at that thread as it does upset me!

The more I read the worse this gets!

This is wrong place for this thread.

Fuzz01 Sun 13-Mar-16 19:23:20

Moomazoo OP has every right to post her. She is still feeling the lose of her baby. She made a decison which was right for her and for many people. She needs kindness and compassion not judgement.

You needed commented and could click off.

OP have you been offered counselling services and genetic tests as others stated.

Fuzz01 Sun 13-Mar-16 19:27:01

Moomazoo i reported your comment as i felt it was heartless

Moomazoo if it upsets you then hide it, or don't comment on it. The OP has every right to post about something that is distressing her.

OP I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time flowers

Moomazoo Sun 13-Mar-16 19:45:59

FUZZ I'm sorry you think my comment is heartless. I'll just pass that on to my disabled child .... Oh year and the other 6 mothers I know with children who have DS. One U.S. A sonographer who could no longer do her job as people were terminating her baby! I've been nice , I've offered advice and now ice asked it to be moved to pregnancy choices !!!! It's not a miscarriage it is a choice and I'm sorry but it would get much more sympathy in that part of this forum!

Put yourself in my shoes and the shoes of all the other mothers who have children with disabilities !!!!

Im sorry the op made the decision she made and I do feel for her and her regrets ..... I have only asked for it to be moved!

You'll findost parents of disabled children won't read choices as it is really really distressing!!!!

LynetteScavo Sun 13-Mar-16 19:51:13

I agree with Moomazoo and have asked MN if thread can be moved.

Fuzz01 Sun 13-Mar-16 19:55:40

God can you get any worse!just don't comment. OP is devasted. Some piece of work to continue to knock someone down. You have no ideas the severity of her childs disabilitity and no right to pass judgement.

Leslieknope45 Sun 13-Mar-16 19:59:39

Moomazoo there was no need for you to comment at all. In fact just saying 'this should be moved' doesn't automatically get it moved you know. You could have just reported and said nothing more.
I'm sorry the thread has upset you, but it really isn't about you. Or your disabled child. The OP was looking for support. Don't like it? Don't comment.

IHeartKingThistle Sun 13-Mar-16 20:00:02

My heart goes out to the OP.

BUT, I think there would be many many parents of wonderful children with DS who would find the idea that God had 'let them down' very hard to stomach.

For that reason I also think the thread should be moved to Choices.

Fuzz01 Sun 13-Mar-16 20:01:35

Its still a pregnancy loss to op and should be respected so. She very much wanted that baby. It won't of been a difficult decison to make and she is looking for support and comfort.

Chrisinthemorning Sun 13-Mar-16 20:05:09

I'm sorry your thread has been derailed op flowers
Head over to the Arc forum, they are lovely over there.

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