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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Abortion at 19 weeks really don't know what to do

(26 Posts)
Kellis7383 Wed 10-Feb-16 15:54:47

I really don't know what to do anymore please can some one give me some non judgemental and advise about what is the right thing to do. I'm 19 weeks pregnant but if I did abort I will probably be 20 weeks by the time I got seen. So I was on the pill which failed me. Shortly after it must have failed me I got the implant put in and came off of the pill. Then I stopped having periods but the nurse told me it was common side effect of the implant. At 15 weeks I took a test after throwing up and it was positive sad

I thought I was maybe like 5-6 weeks since that's how long it had been since I last had sex.

Kellis7383 Wed 10-Feb-16 15:55:27

Sorry I post to early by accident im finishing off the post now

Whatdoidohelp Wed 10-Feb-16 15:58:26

You haven't known for long so I get that your still confused. Do you have a partner, job, support,money? Have you actually spoken to a clinic and have it provisionally booked? Do you know that you will have to give birth to the baby as it is so late?

Kellis7383 Wed 10-Feb-16 16:01:13

I went for an abortion consultation and found out I was 15 weeks. Came home was in shock didn't do anything. I had a private scan 4 days ago to see if it would trigger any emotions for my decision and it really did. It was amaZing and I found out it was a little girl. I came home and cried in to my scan photos. She is so beautiful and sweet and I cry every time she kicks me. I kept talking to my belly and telling her I was sorry and that she deserves so much better and that I didn't know what to do and that I loved her.

I really don't know what to do. My mental health is all over the place. I already have a young son. I'm not with the dad nor do I want to be and nor is he pleased about this news. I can't handle another baby one is really enough for me at the moment I will not be able to cope. I have no family or friends. My friends all slowly went after I had my son and the only family I have is an alcoholic dad and a mum that is married to someone that doesn't want her seeing her children that she had with my dad. I have brothers but the oldest is 13. If I was 5-6 weeks I would have an abortion but I feel so strongly now she's so developed that i just can't but I don't know what the alternative is sad I'm going to go through it all on my own if I continue, scans, birth etc and I just can't do it I can't cope

WinterBabyof89 Wed 10-Feb-16 16:01:48

I'd advise that you speak to your midwife who'll be able to signpost you to the relevant people to discuss your situation.

Kellis7383 Wed 10-Feb-16 16:02:35

I don't have a partner, I work but if I had this baby I wouldn't be able too because really couldn't cope with two under 2, my mental health and a full time job and no support. I haven't booked it but I spoke to them about the methods at the stages etc

Babymouse Wed 10-Feb-16 16:05:55

Please speak to someone at bpas or your midwife. You need some IRL support to talk over your options.

PurpleDaisies Wed 10-Feb-16 16:06:34

You really need some help in real life to help you make this decision. It isn't necessarily abortion or keep the baby-adoption is another option open to you too.

You could see your GP or your midwife and they can help you with a counsellor to talk through all the options open to you.

Kellis7383 Wed 10-Feb-16 16:43:36

I have anxiety and bipolar which is dragging me down at the moment. I'm just about coping at the moment and if I have another I know I won't I will end up being manic.

I have no involvement from socials services. Health visitor knows my problems and is confident I'm doing ok despite the issues. I have thought about relinquishing her but I'm scared that if I do they will try to take my son off of me as well

Kellis7383 Wed 10-Feb-16 16:48:03

I want her to have someone that can look after her properly and give her all the love she deserves. Someone who is able to give her stability and a good environment and that's not me right now sad I love her and I want the best for her. It doesn't mean I love my son more than her. It's just I can cope with him and give him what he needs just haven't got enough to share it between two. I have a bond with him and vice versa and I couldn't bare loosing him.

Whatdoidohelp Wed 10-Feb-16 17:10:16

Would you consider adoption? Like others say you definitely need some real life support. Midwife or gp would be the best place to start.

Kellis7383 Wed 10-Feb-16 17:26:52

Yes I would consider adoption but when I look online there's not much information about it and I'm scared that if I voluntarily give up her they will try to take my son off of me? Also what is adoption like in the uk? Are there many people that want babies because I really don't want her to get caught in an endless cycle of foster parents and social services

duckyneedsaclean Wed 10-Feb-16 17:54:54

Does this website help?

FrameyMcFrame Wed 10-Feb-16 18:41:55

Sorry you are going through this op. If abortion is your decision then you need to move fast, you'll need to hurry as you are close to the legal limit now.

There are people out there who will support you whatever.

Can you call Marie Stopes tonight on their 24 hour helpline

Needcaffeinenow Wed 10-Feb-16 19:05:13

I think you also need to think about the impact a late abortion would also have on your Mental Health. Like you say, you have felt her kick and seen her scan. I think it would be difficult to find somewhere to do it at this late stage if she is healthly but I may be wrong. Adoption is a good option. People normally want to adopt babies and so it is usually older children that have a harder time getting adopted. But also maybe seeking out support in RL is so important. You may find out that you could take care of another child, as scary as it seems now. People do find a way to cope. I think see your midwife asap and just talk through everything.

Tammy2 Wed 10-Feb-16 19:18:28

What a difficult position to be. I really think you should talk to a specialist to go through your options.

Only you can decide what you want to do. I know in your shoes I wouldn't keep the baby as (and this is entirely selfish) my mental health and providing for the child I already have would have to come first. You need to be kind to yourself and allow for your own needs to.

A horrible decision to have to make and one that only you can make.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. thanks

FrameyMcFrame Wed 10-Feb-16 19:18:56

Needcaffinenow, abortion is legal and available on NHS up to 24 weeks., so if op decides that she wants to do that there shouldn't be a problem finding treatment.

Marie Stopes will advise you op.

Tollygunge Wed 10-Feb-16 19:21:54

To balance the argument, and because I'm pro-choice, it is NOT true that you will have to give birth. At Marie stopes a surgical procedure is an option.

Kellis7383 Wed 10-Feb-16 19:42:15

Yes I researched that it will be a d&c procedure whilst I'm asleep. Just don't know if I can consent to it knowing that an already formed baby is inside that will reach viability in 4 weeks

Vixxfacee Wed 10-Feb-16 19:45:36

Once you have felt the baby move and have that bond I think imo that is too late to have an abortion. Do you have any close friends?

duckyneedsaclean Wed 10-Feb-16 21:20:06

Oh op, I do hope you find peace. Please soak to your gp/midwife.

Making the decision to give the baby up for adoption is not a slight on your parenting skills and will not mean social services try to take your son off you at all.

starry0ne Wed 10-Feb-16 21:39:30

My worry for you is you do seem to come across as already bonding.. the way you talk about what you want for her... I worry how this will affect you if you do have an abortion...

I also think regardless of this you need to get out to groups find people on your wave length... You need more support around you..

I also suggest talk to MW...

Puffling1985 Wed 10-Feb-16 22:12:18

I just wanted to say you poor, poor thing! I cannot imagine how stressful your situation must be! I hope you find an answer that you can be at peace with!

Lurkedforever1 Wed 10-Feb-16 22:25:23

I think you need professional advice, and quick.

However, while I don't want to offer an actual opinion on the best course, the way you are talking about her as your baby, and feeling her kick, and wanting the best, makes me think an abortion might have an equal or bigger effect on your mental health than raising another child.

As to possible adoption, if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, you've got plenty of time to think about that. But neither would I want to make out adoption will be mentally easier for you than abortion, given the level of attachment you're showing.

alltheworld Wed 10-Feb-16 22:31:21

I don't think you want an abortion. I think you are scared and overwhelmed. Look into adoption. Have the baby. Then decide.

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