This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

advice on termination.

(34 Posts)
LouiseAZ09 Wed 20-Jan-16 21:31:34

hi. haven't done a proper post yet. I just wanted some advice really. I had a abortion yesterday for a few different reasons and my experience was traumatic and hurtful. just need some advice on how I should feel

HoundoftheBaskervilles Wed 20-Jan-16 22:01:20

Sorry you're feeling battered by the experience. There's no way you should feel, all women respond differently, some find it easy to move on and fairly straightforward, for others it's a more complicated process.

I presume you had your reasons for the termination and were not pressured into it? Do you have anyone to talk to, a supportive partner or friend?

Physically and emotionally it can be tough so do be gentle with yourself. Take your time. Do you want to talk about it?

LouiseAZ09 Wed 20-Jan-16 22:04:34

I would like to talk about it but I do not know if I should write the experience I had? sad

HoundoftheBaskervilles Wed 20-Jan-16 22:09:17

If you feel it would help I'd be happy to listen, I had a fairly traumatic experience years ago but am more than fine about it now - I have a robust ear!

LouiseAZ09 Wed 20-Jan-16 22:19:18

well I have a 3 year old. who I love dearly he is so well behaved eats well has a great routine he is very cuddly and caring. always says mummy you ok and tells me he loves me. I am 20. I work and attend a course two days a week 11-8pm. I had a termination because I do not feel ready for another child. for the time off work. and to be honest I love my son more tha. anything I don't feel I want more children. but I used a condom and fell pregnant with his dad who's my bf. anyway I had a abortion yesterday awake as I had some squash before my procedure they said I have to be awake but it won't hurt and I won't see anything. anyway they started with injecting my cervix 3 times which hurt a bit. then started the procedure and it hurt me so so much I wa sick on myself held down by the nurse. and to top it off I saw the suction happening next to me the whole thing coming out into a tub.. I was crying with pain screaming so loudly. I couldn't take it. since yesterday I haven't stopped shaking. I feel sick and all I think of is the pain. my partner nearly cried when he picked me up and saw the mess j was in. smelling of sick my hair knotted from the vomit. my face colorless with tears running down my cheeks. I just feel sick and shaky and confused? I'm very sorry if that's too much info and understand if you'd rather not reply to the post. x

HoundoftheBaskervilles Wed 20-Jan-16 22:49:40

Goodness, you poor thing, that does sound particularly traumatic, I'm guessing you had a surgical aspiration with a cervical local anaesthetic?

Had you opted for a general but they couldn't perform it due to the fact you'd had liquids before the procedure? That does seem particularly harsh, were you offered any sedatives before the procedure?

I had a medical abortion through the NHS years ago at which the nurse attending to me was particularly insensitive (she showed me the scan before the procedure and asked me if I was certain I wanted to go ahead, if I hadn't been so upset by the whole experience I would have reported her), I was so scared of seeing what I'd seen on the scan I just couldn't relax and let it happen and ended up up my back with the nurse manually removing the products of the pregnancy with forceps.

Horrible.

BUT, I did get over it, I was shaken up for a good time, but deep down I knew it had been the right decision, as it sounds ads though it was for you, no matter how horrible the process turned out to be, you did the right thing for you at the time.

It's a good thing you have your partner to support you, you're clearly quite traumatised by the whole thing. I would suggest taking it easy for a while, let him look after you until you're feeling physically stronger and your hormones have settled down, then if you're still feeling upset about the experience maybe seek some counselling to help you process what happened.

You will start to feel better though, I promise you that.

LouiseAZ09 Wed 20-Jan-16 22:56:36

thank you so much. I can not say thank you enough for talking to me about it. I am very sorry for your experience too. I am certain I made the right decision. things were tough in my pregnancy with my son. I had bad sickness throughout and worked until 3 weeks before he was due as a apprentice. 8-8 days on my feet. I left work on a Saturday and had to be rushed to hospital and he was delivered early. I am so greatfull I have had my son. he is my entire world. he is all I ever wanted. I just feel in shock. I put him to bed last night read his favorite book. he fell asleep and I cried for a good 40 mins to 1 hour on the floor. I also feel like I've deprived him of a brother or sister. but I couldn't of financially coped with another child not yet. I am still only 20 I work and pay all my bills. my partner is great he pays too but I like to be more independent. I'm sorry for going on. if I was to phone my dr who I've seen since I was a little girl to talk to her would the doctors think it was a waste of their time I just don't know how to cope right now

VagueIdeas Wed 20-Jan-16 23:05:32

I'm sorry you had such a frightening experience. It sounded horrific.

Yes, I think it would be good to talk it through with your GP. They won't think you're wasting their time.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself.

LouiseAZ09 Wed 20-Jan-16 23:11:38

thank you very much for your time and kind words. flowersxxxx

HoundoftheBaskervilles Wed 20-Jan-16 23:16:36

Yes, DO speak to your GP, as Vague said, they won't think you're wasting their time, it's what they're there for!

And you haven't deprived your son of a brother or sister, you are very young, there will be many more and many better years to give them that.

It's all very raw right now, but you will cope, see your GP, look after yourself, and most of all be kind, you did this for the right reasons, you did this so you could be the best mother possible to your son, that's an act of love and thoughtful mothering.

I'm off to bed now, but if you want to chat any more I'll be around tomorrow.

flowers to you. Try to get some sleep.

mellowyellow1 Wed 20-Jan-16 23:58:04

Sorry that you have had such a horrible experience sad I had the surgical option but was put to sleep thank goodness. I cried for months afterwards like I was grieving for the baby.

I think you've shown a lot of strength and courage, being so young and going through this. Your GP should refer you to a counsellor if you feel that you need to speak to someone - put your foot down and don't let them fob you off or think that you're wasting their time.

The emotional pain may be there for a while but I promise it does get easier with time. Don't punish yourself as you've done nothing wrong. Look after yourself most importantly flowers

LouiseAZ09 Thu 21-Jan-16 11:35:48

thank you both for your messages. I will call my gp tomorrow and just ask for a telephone appointment and explain that I am feeling how i am. I always go to bed by 8:30-9pm. my son goes to bed at 7, I do some work and bath and go to bed. last night I did not fall asleep till 2:40 am. I am feeling very drained and tired. thank you both again. you have made me feel not alone anymore. I never talk about how I feel and my past experiences but this got me. thank you flowersflowersflowers

LouiseAZ09 Fri 22-Jan-16 11:52:45

I regret having the termination. I can't stop crying and feeling guilty and saddened

KittyandTeal Fri 22-Jan-16 11:59:04

I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Be kind to yourself and let yourself feel whatever you need to. Just ask yourself; do you regret the termination as in the loss of the baby or because of how traumatic it was? It sounds like you may be in shock after a really traumatic medical procedure.

I had a tfmr at 22 weeks a year ago. The actual termination part (I delivered dd2 a few days later) was traumatic and that was with sensitive doctors and done in most professional caring way. It sounds like you've had an horrific experience.

differentnameforthis Fri 22-Jan-16 12:06:21

There are NO rules on how you should be feeling, lovely! It is a very personal experience. Be kind to yourself, feel what you are feeling & don't be pushed into rushing through this.

I expected to be hiding in bed, crying after mine (even though it was what I wanted) because my counsellor told me that I would grieve (which I did) but I wasn't! I was sore, but up & about.

I am so sorry that your experience was traumatic and hurtful.

There are plenty of us that will talk & listen if you need it.

differentnameforthis Fri 22-Jan-16 12:15:45

Oh sweetheart....I am so sorry you have feeling of regret! flowers

I also feel like I've deprived him of a brother or sister. No. You really haven't. You haven't deprived him of anything. You made a decision based on what your family needs, and that is so brave op.

LouiseAZ09 Fri 22-Jan-16 12:33:36

my son is unwell with a cold so we're spending the day at home. it's his birthday in a few days too. I called my doctors but my doctor isn't in till next Wednesday so I will wait and see her. I can hold myself together playing puzzles and painting with my son yesterday and today. but then I go to the loo and cry hysterically for a while. I just feel like right now I'll never get over it? without sounding like a drama queen I had it done tuesday and it's not Friday. I thought I'd be better by now 😞

differentnameforthis Fri 22-Jan-16 12:44:43

It really is a grieving process...even women who wanted the termination (like myself) go through several stages before they start to heal, if you like. It's been 3 days, please don't be expecting to feel better, or thinking that you should be.

Your experience was a traumatic one. An awful one. That cannot have helped. It will take time.

It WILL get better. I can't promise when, but it will. Allow yourself to feel how you feel, talk to your partner. Talk to a friend.

Did the clinic offer you any counselling/give you info on any services?

If not, google something, it sounds like you need to talk this through before your dr is available.

Did you confide in a friend? A relative?

LouiseAZ09 Fri 22-Jan-16 12:54:23

I know it will get better im strong with emotions and things that happen. my partner works all day everyday and I don't like bothering him. I've just blocked everyone out but my son. I haven't got many friends and the ones I do I don't trust enough with something like this. they've never experienced things like this. I am hoping I feel better over the weekend. I'm currently making strawberries and blueberries in jelly. I hope you all have a nice day and weekend. thanks for listening x ❤️

LouiseAZ09 Fri 22-Jan-16 12:55:23

the clinic were crap to be honest. I asked to have my letter to leave and walked out. nothing else I have. I don't want to talk to them again

differentnameforthis Fri 22-Jan-16 12:57:17

There will always be someone here who will be able to talk with you. Please talk to your boyfriend, he will want you too, any good man will not want his partner taking this on by herself.

Give your boy a huge hug & remember why you did what you did.

Take care & be kind to yourself. flowers

differentnameforthis Fri 22-Jan-16 12:58:40

Completely understandable.

There are agencies that will listen, so don't be afraid to use approach them.

FloatyFlo Fri 22-Jan-16 12:58:55

shock shock shock

I had no idea a termination could be performed like this! With the patient awake and not under general!

flowers for you OP

LouiseAZ09 Fri 22-Jan-16 12:59:37

thank you. ❤️💐

LouiseAZ09 Mon 25-Jan-16 12:55:06

after the whole experience it turns out I've been in hospital for two days. with parts of the pregnancy and tissue left behind.. have got some medication to pass it out naturally if no success by tuesday. back to theatre!!

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