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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Don't know what to do for the best!

(10 Posts)
OhSoConfusedAndConflicted Mon 04-Jan-16 20:48:57

I found out on Saturday that I'm pregnant (I think I'm 4 weeks and 3 days).

I am so torn about what to do. We have 5 year old twins and hadn't planned to have anymore- the main factors being chance of having twins again, the fact I suffered badly from hyperemisis, money issues and that, after being a SAHM due to childcare costs and other factors, I will be going back to uni to do a postgraduate course and retrain.

I have made an appointment for Friday to have a scan and check up with the view of having a medical abortion the following week, if that's what we definitely decide upon. But I feel so hormonal and keep changing my mind.

I also had a surgical abortion 10 years ago when I was a student so feel extremely stupid and so angry that I have allowed myself to get into this awful situation again.

I would really appreciate a hand hold!

Ohdeargawd Mon 04-Jan-16 21:26:58

I am here!! I will hand hold all you like. I know what you are going through and know how utterly shit the situation is. Do not feel bad that this has happened a second time to you, (by which I mean the unplanned pg, am not assuming you will necessarily choose to terminate this second time). It is so hard with all the pregnancy hormones in your body too. Assume you have spoken with your dp about this...what does he say?

OhSoConfusedAndConflicted Mon 04-Jan-16 21:40:32

Thank you for the hand hold!!

DH feels the same as me in that he knows, deep down that it probably isn't the best thing for us, but that also he doesn't want us to go through an abortion again (it was his baby also, hadn't been together long at the time).

We both agree that we need to do what is best for the children we already have. I have also been on ADs for a while, DH is also very stressed and low at the moment (work factors).

There seems to be more reasons not to have a baby to be honest, but it feels so shit. DH is booking in for a vasectomy either way.

OhSoConfusedAndConflicted Mon 04-Jan-16 21:41:46

Just to add he is supportive whatever I decide. He is a great dad but we have had a lot of stress recently

Ohdeargawd Mon 04-Jan-16 22:04:20

It sounds like you are both on the same page which is a good start. Do ADs affect a foetus in any negative way? (Could they cause medical issues?) Any unplanned pg is a total mind bender, but there are many pros to not terminating. Equally a new baby might be difficult to cope with in your circumstances and that is a seriously important thing to consider. Do you feel you could go through with a termination, already knowing what it's like (emotionally)? Can you picture your family with another face around the table? What is your gut instinct?

SheldonsSpotOnTheCouch Mon 04-Jan-16 22:49:20

Hand holding! You've still got plenty of time. Keep talking to dh and posting here if it helps. I know what you're going through. flowers

OhSoConfusedAndConflicted Tue 05-Jan-16 09:45:04

I actually stopped taking my ADs the day I tested positive as I panicked a bit! It was a low dosage and I'm feeling ok but need to see my doctor asap really.

I can't really believe we are even considering sn abortion after how we felt the last time. That was easier as I knew it was the right thing to do- my pill failed, we were at university and I consoled myself with the fact I was 'only' 6 weeks along at most.

Is worrying about the financial impact and how we would generally cope good enough reasons to terminate? I'm not sure if I could cope emotionally either way at the moment, either with an abortion or with a pregnancy and new baby!

OhSoConfusedAndConflicted Tue 05-Jan-16 09:45:30

Thanks so much both of you by the way flowers

SheldonsSpotOnTheCouch Tue 05-Jan-16 23:14:03

Any reason is a 'good enough' reason so dont get caught up in all that. The hard part is deciding what you want to do. Or what will be the least worst thing to do if there isnt a 'best' option.

Good luck,

Ohdeargawd Tue 12-Jan-16 15:18:46

Hi OP, just checking in on you - how are you doing? Have been laying low with gastric flu - but have been thinking about you. Have you got closer to making a decision?

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