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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Advice needed !

(5 Posts)
emilynielson94 Fri 01-Jan-16 13:27:30

I am 22 at the end of this month and I'm a studnet nurse 1st year, I have been in and out of A&E with upper abdo pains this week , where I found out I was pregnant yesterday. The Dr is sure that the pain isnt related to my pregnancy but I still have no answers to anything yet.

Anyway, I have PCOS and was almost sure I wouldn't have kids, so me and my partner kind of looked at it this way.....I'm young, the most fertile I will ever be, if it happens it happens if it doesn't at least we can say we tried kind of attituide....

Except now I'm in shock, I think my pain problems arn't helping as there overshadowing my judgments, but I am terrorfied! I do want children, but now that I'm pregnant I'm so scared of making the wrong decison, I have no home of my own, I'm a student, I'd have to leave uni! what if I cant cope, I like my own time! .... the only thing keeping me together right now is that I keep telling myself... I want kids, I love my finace, and I want to spend my life with him.... why not now !

My mum doesnt think im ready and my partner is scared more than me because of our situation.. no home, noT much income ....

Please somebody, any advice??? I do want children and I'm so happy because I thought i'd never have them but am I ready ? My mum didnt cope well and I was adopted my siblings were also spread about... im scared of ruining my life.. or regreting a decision that I might make.

Polgen20 Fri 01-Jan-16 18:21:47

I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant at 19, still living at home and only been with boyfriend for a year. I felt the same as you and wondered if I would cope, my parents were beyond shocked and upset and advised me to think of all options rather than go ahead with the pregnancy, we decided to keep the baby and it is without a doubt the best decision I ever made. DC is now 4 and the brings so much joy and I could not imagine our lives without. Everything did slot in to place, I finished college while pregnant, we moved out and between his wages and my maternity pay things were okay.

Could you take a year off uni and go back with baby in nursery? I'm sure there is a lot of help for student parents if you chose to keep.

I am massively pro-choice but ultimately think there are very few parents who 'regret' their children but many more who may regret terminating if not carefully thought through, sit down with your DP and talk it all through flowers

emilyrosa94 Sat 02-Jan-16 15:34:18

Glad to hear you made the right decision for you xx .... did you have a job when you got pregnant ? I work bank so am not entitled to nothing maternity .... i have no idea what money or benefits i could get .. its so scary, the scariest thing is when my mums saying im not ready and im immature .. i guess im doubting myself x

emilyrosa94 Sat 02-Jan-16 15:35:01

Can i ask also ... did your relationship stay strong ? Are you still with your bf ? Xx

Polgen20 Sun 03-Jan-16 17:37:40

I worked part time as I was also at college at the time so I was entitled to maternity pay. What do you mean by working bank? If you are a paid employee or have worked a certain amount of weeks during/before the pregnancy you could be entitled to maternity allowance which is similar to maternity pay. When DC was born we were entitled to help towards rent and tax credits so although we were not well off we got by. There is also a government website where you can enter your details and find out what you could be entitled to. If you do it as the 'future' with a child you could see what you would be living on. My relationship did stay strong through it and he is a fantastic father, he was so excited when I told him I was pregnant that told me all I needed to know. We are going through a rocky patch atm (4 years on) but that is another story! What is your gut instinct? If you were effectively trying for a baby you must have been confident before that you were ready, it is pretty normal to worry about how you'll cope in any pregnancy, planned or unplanned.

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