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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

how long did you have to wait

(14 Posts)
broomy123 Thu 26-Nov-15 16:10:13

Hello,

I've just discovered I'm just shy of five weeks pregnant. I have a baby who doesn't sleep and has a few health problems and I just can't cope with another baby at this time so have decided to terminate. Now I've made that hard decision I just want it to happen. I have a GP app tomorrow and I just wondered how long it took from then till you had the procedure/pill?

Thanks for reading thanks

broomy123 Fri 27-Nov-15 11:27:42

Just for anyone wondering the same after some research I discovered I could book through BPSA direct, you just need your NHS number. They lady was lovely and I have a consultation tomorrow and expect to go back within a week for the procedure. The only thing I didn't realise was that I'll have a scan that's upset me a lot but I'm still sure I'm doing the right thing.

OddSocksHighHeels Sun 29-Nov-15 11:50:46

Glad you sorted it. It took 5 days from seeing the FPC (no GP appointments) to having the termination. Mine was done at BPAS too, they were lovely.

The scan is to confirm dates so they give you the correct method of termination. They don't show you the screen or the picture, unless you ask for it of course, but I will just warn you that there's a chance that they might want to do a transvaginal scan if you're still pretty early on.

broomy123 Sun 29-Nov-15 13:35:44

Thanks Odd. Nice to have an ear! I had an internal scan yesterday and booked in for this week. Do you mind me asking what you choose to do? I've decided surgical as i just want it over with but now I'm worried I've made the wrong choice as worried about the pain!

The whole thing is so emotional, I can't stop thinking about it and wishing my circumstances were different but I know I'm doing the right thing for my family.

FluffyPersian Sun 29-Nov-15 22:24:21

I had an appointment with BPAS on a Wednesday and had a surgical termination on the Saturday, so literally less than 72 hours.

I was also worried about a surgical termination, however the pain was literally nothing - I didn't take a single painkiller as they gave me an injection when I was under (I had a General Anaesthetic) which lasted the first day.... and it was easier to deal with than a 'normal' period pain.

I was worried about the physical side affects and the pain, however it's actually the emotional side I've struggled with - Make sure you've got really lovely friends / family and lots of support in case you feel up and down for a while afterwards.

Hope you're OK smile

broomy123 Sun 29-Nov-15 22:29:41

Fluffy thank you so much for you post. I am glad it was fairly straight forward did you. I can't have GA as the wait was too long and I just want it done.

I know the guilt will always be with me but I just can't have another baby when my baby is quite demanding. I've kept it quiet but my husband, mum and best friend have all been amazing. I just find myself crying lots. I guess it's like grieving?

How are you feeling? X

FluffyPersian Mon 30-Nov-15 20:52:55

Crying is totally normal apparently - I'm not a cryer really, but cried LOADS! I think it's the hormones as much as anything.

If I could turn back time, I wouldn't - However despite it being the right decision 100%, I'm in a very 'odd' position. Despite my pregnancy being planned... and me getting pregnant first time - I terminated because I had such severe antenatal depression I became suicidal... I also couldn't get my head around the fact that pregnancy was a 'good' thing - I thought (and still do) that it's utterly, utterly disgusting. I felt a total fake on the antenatal club thread (even though the ladies were so, so lovely) and whilst they were excited, happy and looking forward to their scans - I was so unhappy, crying daily and basically feeling like my life was over.

I was so petrified of vaginal birth I was pushing and pushing the NHS to let me have a C-section, but I wasn't able to get an appointment with the Consultant until I was 15+ weeks and even then, they were very clear I wouldn't necessarily get one as they 'don't just hand them out' - As I was present for my sisters birth 2.5 years ago (which went really badly and completely traumatised her.. Massive PND, double prolapse, badly treated)... the entire thing became too much - If I was forced to remain pregnant, I would have killed myself.

You already have a lovely baby, so I think that's really nice smile I don't have any children and unless I manage to work through my 'issues', I don't know if I'll ever be able to cope with 9 months of what I can only describe as 'Hell'. I know of one other lovely lady (from Mumsnet) who feels the same way as me about pregnancy... but most of the time I feel like a freak of nature who's desperate to feel happy / excited and bond with the baby... but I don't know how.

So for me (getting to the point!) I have enormous guilt - Guilt that the baby was planned... Guilt that I am not 'normal' and couldn't cope with the hormones or the pregnancy - I'm in a Senior position in a professional industry in the City, very academic... yet I couldn't cope with something that women half my age can do...

I think it really helps you've got a supportive partner / friend and Mum - it really has helped me having supportive people around. I do think it's grieving... it's grieving for what could have been.

And yes.. the termination was so straight forward, everyone was utterly lovely and it really didn't hurt at all. I was so worried about being the '1 in 100,000' who had complications, but it was like 'text book'.

I hope you're feeling OK today xxx

OddSocksHighHeels Mon 30-Nov-15 21:13:06

I also wanted it over and done quickly. I had a surgical termination under a local. It was scary, I'm not going to lie, but the pain isn't too bad. They inject the anaesthetic into your cervix (this bit hurts but doesn't last long) then perform the surgery. It felt like very mild cramps in my uterus, I would describe it as uncomfortable rather than painful. They then gave me ibuprofen and a sandwich and cup of tea before discharging me. I went into work less than an hour later, not recommended by the way but should explain that I really wasn't in pain!

Bleeding lasted a week or two, I can't remember exactly now, with some fairly large clots on about day 3. This is only my experience of course but I hope that helps a bit.

Mine was 2 1/2 years ago. I don't regret it and I don't feel guilty, I barely ever think of it now. Please don't be hard on yourself for making the right decision for yourself brew

broomy123 Mon 30-Nov-15 21:56:20

Fluffy you're so brave sharing that, thank you. I think you'd be surprised how many woman have similar feelings re pregnancy. I sobbed hysterically when I found out with my baby. I'm a control freak so having something out of my control really challenged me mentally. I too felt like my life would change. And it has, but I'm still me!

Please don't feel like you're a freak your sister's birth sounds very traumatic and I'm not surprised it's impacted on you. Have you looked into counselling? I'm sure it is more common than you would think to have anxieties like that. I also don't believe in 'normal' so please don't compare yourself, you'll just end up feeling rubbish in my experience!

Thank you for sharing your story it's reassured me on the pain. I hope one day you get your baby and if not, you'll be just as happy without one. Sending you a hug xx

Odd, you went to work?! Wow, maybe I'm being a wimp. I thought I'd want to be on my sofa eating cake watching TV all afternoon? Maybe I'll tell my husband that's what's recommended wink

Thank you for sharing that, I know it's hard but you've really reassured me and put my mind at ease. That's good you don't think about it. I'm quite a glass half full type so I know I'll be fine. I just feel so bad for doing it, especially when I know so many people really struggling. But I just know I'll never cope with it.

I'm feeling good today and work is great distraction. Just want it over with now which I'm sure you'll appreciate. Thanks for your ear, it's really helped me thanks

OddSocksHighHeels Mon 30-Nov-15 22:59:33

It's recommended that you take 2-3 days to recover, don't do what I did! Cake and TV is a better plan smile

Don't feel bad because of others. Even if you continued the pregnancy it wouldn't do anything for those struggling to conceive; this is your body and your life and it's you that's important here.

I absolutely understand you wanting it over and I'm glad you're going into it feeling a little better about what to expect.

VocationalGoat Mon 30-Nov-15 23:05:57

No advice... just flowers.
You've got a lot of good support on this thread.
Best of luck to you.

broomy123 Wed 02-Dec-15 16:55:05

Just wanted to up date on this. So I went this morning to have my surgical termination. However after waiting I finally saw the nurse who was quite rude. 'You've got no allergies' she said. 'Latex'i replied. (it was on the front page of my notes!)
'Well you should have gone first, I'll have to go speak to dr and see if he's started.'
Anyway.., dr came in and explained there was no way he would do any treatment on me on this clinic due to my allergy. I couldn't even have the medical termination they were that concerned. I have never had breathing difficulties with my allergy but any infected area does swell instantly, he said each time you react it can get worse. So I get his point, but can't understand how it got this far. I was very very upset as I had prepared myself for it to happen. I was then moved to the managers office who told me it's against BPAS guidelines to treat anyone with a latex allergy (unless it's very minor) and I would have to have treatment in an NHS hospital. So I left very upset. Thank goodness my DH was with me. He was amazing.
BPAS rung me this afternoon and said they'll let me know Monday when I'll be booked in but I'll need a full medical and then have to go back in another day for the termination. I'm now feeling so confused about the whole thing, I'm a big believer in 'if it's meant to be'. This pregnancy happened after the morning after pill and now this. Now I'm wondering if this is a sign to not go ahead? And yet all the reasons why I can't have this baby still stand.

Has anyone had anything similar happened?! I just wish someone could tell me what to do! Thanks again for reading. thanks

Ohdeargawd Thu 03-Dec-15 12:35:22

That's so weird and I'm so sorry you had to go through this horrible management-red-tape interference. I'm also 'latex' allergic (but don't swell - just burning feeling) and I was given the medical termination no questions asked (they use latex gloves whilst inserting the tablets). I also know what you mean about 'meant to be' but I'm not sure these two things - MAP and red tape count as a good reason for going ahead with the pg. It does buy you some time though, so at least you can re-explore how you feel about going through with it. FWIW I had a medical termination 6 weeks ago, am still bleeding and have to be monitored with blood tests every week as my hcg levels are abnormally high. I really wish i'd had a surgical abortion.

broomy123 Thu 03-Dec-15 12:53:12

Ohgawd- you poor thing! That's terrible. You must be knackered from it? I'm so sorry you're going through that. It's hard enough!

Yeah, I think as soon as I said they just freaked out and wanted me out the door. It was very upsetting. You're right, it doesn't change our situation but it's given me the benefit of time. My head is all over the place now. I'm waiting to get my NHS app through but been told it's at least a week normally. I know it's very early but I just want it done if that's what we decide. I'm knackered already with the early pregnancy tiredness. Thanks for offering your thoughts, it's nice to be able to talk about it!

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