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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Affair and pregnant

(39 Posts)
Babealicious38 Wed 18-Nov-15 12:00:06

My husband recently told he he had an affair. His rationale for telling me was because he wanted me and our family. He last slept with the OW on 5th September whilst she was on her cycle. He used withdrawal method. The OW is also in a relationship. She has since appeared and said she is pregnant, went to clinic last Friday for termination and the clinic told her she is nine weeks pregnant. Could this baby be my husbands??

OliviaBenson Wed 18-Nov-15 12:17:40

I'm so sorry OP.

No one can tell you for certain but if your husband was having unprotected sex then yes it could be his.

Are you ok? The ladies on the relationships board may be able to help you in relation to the affair. Be kind to yourself. X

Babealicious38 Wed 18-Nov-15 12:39:19

Thanks. I am coping. I know that you can technically get pregnant at any time of a cycle. I should actually say (whilst he didn't know) it was actually a miscarriage that she was having. Since confirmed the following week. Any thoughts?

Helmetbymidnight Wed 18-Nov-15 12:42:20

You poor thing.

He had an affair - AND it was unprotected.

What an arse he is.

I didn't really understand your op, is she not having a termination then?

Babealicious38 Wed 18-Nov-15 12:54:56

I think she wants the baby to be his. I am being too kind to her. The actual truth was she was having a miscarriage although he thought it was just a period.
She is still undecided re termination however IMO its far too late.

So the real question is if he used withdrawal method (we used successfully for years) during her miscarriage can the baby be his. The clinic measured her to be pregnant the week after they had sex

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Wed 18-Nov-15 13:00:37

Of course there's a chance the baby is his.

But you won't know for sure until the baby is born and your H can have a DNA test.

OliviaBenson Wed 18-Nov-15 13:03:45

Can you trust him to be telling the truth about when they had sex? Was the first baby that she miscarried his? I don't think you'll know until a DNA test can be done. Is she keeping the baby?

Helmetbymidnight Wed 18-Nov-15 13:09:19

Dearie me- so they had unprotected sex while she was miscarrying?

How long has he been sleeping with her?

He's been having unprotected sex with you too?

Babealicious38 Wed 18-Nov-15 13:12:00

Yes I do believe him about that date. It is the date that he gave me prior to either of us knowing about the pregnancy. We only found this out last Saturday. The first baby belonged to her partner. She doesnt know if she is keeping the baby. I was with him when he spoke to her about the last date they had sex

Babealicious38 Wed 18-Nov-15 13:14:01

Helmetbymidnight

Ive been to clinic and been checked. I am clean.

He thought it was a period, she knew it was a miscarriage

Helmetbymidnight Wed 18-Nov-15 13:14:54

God, what a mess he's dragged you into. flowers

Babealicious38 Wed 18-Nov-15 13:17:25

Yes I know and he knows too. Lets not forget the other guy doesnt know if its his child either. She went into the relationship with him to try and force my husband to leave me?????

Helmetbymidnight Wed 18-Nov-15 13:17:45

What was in it for your DH then?

Babealicious38 Wed 18-Nov-15 13:21:15

I dont mitigate his behaviour in any shape or form. At the beginning he said it was infatuation, he then tried to end it on 6 occassions and each time she threatened to tell me. I know the other baby wasn't his because they didnt see each other over August.

GorillaWar Wed 18-Nov-15 13:23:32

Oh dear. It must be very difficult to be in a situation that could have such a big impact on your life, but you have so little control over it.

Are you going to stay with your husband? Do you think this is something you can forgive or work through? Are there any (existing) children involved?

Helmetbymidnight Wed 18-Nov-15 13:30:29

I just...So over many months he kept having to fuck her without a condom even though he really didn't want to. The poor fella.

Op, this must be really shit for you. I wouldn't be standing by this man, I'm afraid.

Babealicious38 Wed 18-Nov-15 13:34:01

For the most part they used protection. Look Im not really asking for relationship advice TBH. I was hoping someone maybe able to help me work out dates

GorrilaWar we have two kids aged 5 and 7. I do believe that this is something we can work through. Up until this we have had a very healthy and happy 17 year relationship. That is not something I am willing to walk away from at this point

FellOutOfBedTwice Wed 18-Nov-15 13:34:44

Another one who wouldn't be sticking with this man. I was lied to by a married man- didn't know he was still involved with his wife- and when he was found out he told his wife I had threatened to kill myself etc when he tried to leave. Definitely not true- he never tried to leave! You can't believe anything he says and bkw there's a baby in the mix.

ImperialBlether Wed 18-Nov-15 13:35:11

I would get as far away from both of them as possible. She had sex during a miscarriage? He didn't protect her or you by simply wearing a condom? Your husband has no respect for anyone.

The fact is that if she has this baby you won't know until the baby's born who the father is. Can you live like that for nine months?

ImperialBlether Wed 18-Nov-15 13:37:13

Well, if you want to stay with him, then...

If the only time he had unprotected sex was while she was having a miscarriage, then of course he couldn't have got her pregnant. The question is, then, was that the only time he had unprotected sex with her? Was that the last time he did? How did she get a positive test result a week after a miscarriage?

Helmetbymidnight Wed 18-Nov-15 13:38:36

But you already know that people have random pregnancies where dates don't add up...It's unlikely but it happens.

I know you don't want sympathy but you have it. The OW does sound like a loon, but that makes the fact that your DH kept on going back to shag her, even worse.

I hope it works out for you.

GorillaWar Wed 18-Nov-15 13:40:16

Leaving my thoughts on your husband ant his woman completely out of it as you've said this isn't really what you want...

There's a very real chance that this baby could be your husbands, who knows? You won't know for sure without a DNA test and that might not be easy to achieve if the other doesn't want it.

If she keeps this baby your children may well half a half brother or sister. This woman could make things very complicated for you in the future, OP. Tread carefully. Look after yourself and your children wineflowers

RollingRollingRolling Wed 18-Nov-15 13:41:38

Sex on 5th September, even allowing sperm to live for 5 days would put her at 12 weeks now. Also she is very unlikely to ovulate whilst miscarrying, and 9 weeks would put her ovulating a few weeks after miscarriage. Bt this is all null and void if she said she was 9 weeks 3 weeks ago. If she is 12 weeks, sounds like she is infatuated with your husband and wants it to be his/him to go running back.

But all this is besides the point that he cheated in you, had unprotected sex, and if wouldn't believe he used the pull out method in an affair, as the whole point is him having illicit sex. He could have also lied about the last date he slept with her. This is all distracting you from his lies at the moment, so once this is sorted, hopefully you can look at your relationship.

How hard for him to keep having sex with her becuase she threatened to tell you.

flowers

GorillaWar Wed 18-Nov-15 13:43:31

How much do we believe the miscarriage story? Could it be an attempt to get attention/sympathy from your husband? I'd take absolutely everything either of them say with a very large pinch of salt. I don't think it really matters either. If he had unprotected sex with her then there's a chance.

Babealicious38 Wed 18-Nov-15 13:47:01

I agree that he has been an absolute prat and dont excuse at all and he knows exactly what I think of what they have done.
I witnessed the dicussion with him and her when he clearly said the last time we had sex was on 5th December and I withdrew. She didnt know I was present and I heard her say I Know.
She is a loon. She text him on Saturday and asked him to give her another chance

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