I'm just going to go straight to the point before I chicken out.
I found out on Thursday that I'm pregnant, did two tests and both massive +ves. I'm in my early 30s and while I'm in a relationship it's rather turbulent, and he's a good couple of decades older than me. I've never been irresponsible with my pill til now and typically the one slip up I have and I'm peeing on a stick and getting a result I don't want.
I'm not debating my decision for a termination, and I have the consultation appointment tomorrow, a 40 minute drive from home. I have no idea how far along I am, feel sick all the time and think my boobs have a mind of their own. Other than feeling a bit ill I don't feel anything except randomly teary and irrationally scared of what I know is a relatively simple medical procedure. Because I don't know how far along, I can't decide on the method, and when I mention to the other half that I'm scared I get shit for being a bitch and treating him with no respect, told that I'm being manipulative and I'm just a stupid tart that's got herself pregnant. Then the next minute he's really nice.
I'm a professional, have to travel for work in just over 2 weeks, and I want this over with now, but at home I feel like a stupid teenager and hate myself so much for being so damn irresponsible when I know I don't want kids. I know it wasn't just the 1% failure rate, I know I messed up.
I'm scared. I'm lonely. I can't admit this at home and I just want to curl up and die because I can't see the point. I don't want him there with me because I do bad things on my own, I don't want the sarcastic comments etc, and I want to cry if I feel like it and make bad jokes if I feel like it. Is there any way I'll be able to drive myself home after the treatment?
This makes no sense, I just needed to splurge.
Can't decide whether to go for medical or surgical.
I'd rather be alone than have my fears downplayed.
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abortion consultation tomorrow, worried!
70 replies
ShouldveThought · 05/10/2015 16:02
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