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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

18 weeks pregnant - need abortion

(224 Posts)
Cookiesandcream123 Sat 01-Aug-15 18:36:08

I am 28 years old. I was a single mum to my now 9 year old son. I went back to study and have graduated last year with my degree. I started a job 3 months ago and found out I was pregnant. I won't get maternity. Only maternity allowance. My partner is unemployed, can't read or write, has no work experience and lacks motivation to find work. I have given him opportunity after opportunity to get a job and help out. He lives in my house, drives my car, uses my money and now it's got to the position of my payday being 2 weeks away and I've just run out of gas and there is one run of tomato soup in the house and no money. I'm considering an abortion. In fact. I have one booked. I've worked so hard for my degree and my job as a single mum and now I've got this new man dragging my life down. I earn decent wages. But not enough to support a grown man as well. I don't want to be a single mum to two children with no money or help and thrown my career away for a man who may be going to prison. I'm 18 weeks pregnant today. Please advise

sugar21 Sat 01-Aug-15 18:39:53

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WishIwasanastronaut Sat 01-Aug-15 18:40:25

Poor you. What a very difficult decision.

Go with your instinct.

Either way get rid of this man.

Don't let anyone talk you into anything.

I'm sorry you're in this situation.

Best of luck. X

Cookiesandcream123 Sat 01-Aug-15 18:54:56

Thank you. Pregnancy is so far progressed and I've had scans etc that I just do not know what to do. Family, friends and work know of the pregnancy and although they all think it's a disappoint given the circumstance - for everyone to know I've terminated would be devastating. My son is expecting his brother. I don't know if I can have an abortion and have to tell people - then again - struggling with 2 children isn't exactly a better option.

GlitzAndGigglesx Sat 01-Aug-15 18:58:08

And you're still giving him the opportunity to scrounge. Ditch the man child

whitershadeofpale Sat 01-Aug-15 18:59:22

That's nice Sugar

OP I don't think anyone can help you make this decision, but you have made it much harder by telling people, especially your DS. Having another child will be difficult but you will cope, you've already shown that you're a survivor.

Regardless of your decision though, your DP needs to go. He sounds like a total loser who is just making your life harder.

Topsy34 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:00:27

Wht a difficult situation, go with your instinct.

You should get rid if this man, the way you speak of him, and his attitude to work etc...awful

Can you get in touch with your local foodbank, they will be able to help. Where abouts do you live?

Branleuse Sat 01-Aug-15 19:02:03

get rid of the man instead.

bimandbam Sat 01-Aug-15 19:04:48

Ditch the man now. Carefully consider the baby.

I am prochoice. But at 18 weeks I don't know if I could. I suspect that if you allow the pregnancy to.progress it would be less of a drain than your cocklodger.

contractor6 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:04:58

Keep the baby, ditch the man, hes a scrounger who'll only bring you down.

chairmeoh Sat 01-Aug-15 19:05:35

I really feel for you. What a difficult decision to have to make, and you don't have long to make it. is there anyone you can talk this through with?

Regardless of the pregnancy though, you really need to get rid of DP. You don't sound as though you love him, he isn't making your life happy, nor contributing financially. And I suspect not contributing practically either.

Only you can make the decision about a termination. Whatever you decide, it will be the right choice.

CordeliaFoxx Sat 01-Aug-15 19:11:10

Ditch the "man", and sorry to be blunt - that's a real life baby you're carrying, 18 weeks is just wrong. Either keep it or put it up for adoption. You realise you would have to give birth still don't you?!?!

MoseShrute Sat 01-Aug-15 19:12:09

I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation OP. TBH I would probably also terminate given the circumstances you describe, however I would definitely end the relationship. Your dp sounds like a total loser. Why on earth would you stay with him. What kind of role model is he for your ds?

Deciding to terminate can be difficult. Deciding to get rid of this useless bloke should be easy

MoseShrute Sat 01-Aug-15 19:13:46

What a spectacularly unhelpful post CordeliaFoxx

sizethree Sat 01-Aug-15 19:18:26

Fully are with other posters that you should ditch the man not the baby.
Quick question though... How did he pass his driving theory test if he can't read or write?

KittyandTeal Sat 01-Aug-15 19:21:55

I'm sorry you are in such a terrible situation.

Without saying, it's obvious you need to get rid of your bf.

I'm pro choice, however, I will say before making a decision I would look into what a termination at this gestation entails. It is quite late and unfortunately at this point I don't think it's a case of going in and having surgery.

If this is a much wanted baby (and I'm guessing he is wanted as you haven't had an abortion earlier) a termination may be quite traumatic at this stage.

I'm sure you have looked, but is there any way of making it work in terms of keeping your baby?

I really hope you come to a decision that is right for you.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sat 01-Aug-15 19:23:43

Keep the baby. Get rid of the BF.

CordeliaFoxx Sat 01-Aug-15 19:23:53

It's honest, OP has come asking about her situation, that's what I think.

TheoriginalLEM Sat 01-Aug-15 19:25:45

get rid of the man. not your child

Cookiesandcream123 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:26:03

Thank you all for your replies bar the few unhelpful and unenlightened although somewhat expected replys - in response I say nothing.

For those unable to read or write to an adequate standard - theory tests are read out through headphones as they are optionally for all who take the test. Perhaps I should have phrased it differently - he can hardly read or write (my sons level is higher)

Although this may sound crazy - I am considering saying something was wrong medically which forced me to terminate. I know this belittles those who do face these problems but I can't really see another way out.

"Partner" is a family friend - hence the reason I am with someone like this (stupidly). He does the childcare as I am a trainee solicitor and work ridiculous hours. But I need a man not an au pair -

Again. Thank you for the replies - appreciate an external opinion from those completely detached

As for the food bank - I have managed to borrow money off family - which although helps temporarily is not a long term solution

Thanks you again all

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sat 01-Aug-15 19:26:04

I know this sounds snobbish it probably is but what on earth does a degree educated woman see in a man who cannot read and write? What attracted you enough to BF to allow yourself to get pregnant by him?

Cookiesandcream123 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:28:05

Surgical procedure is an option until the legal limit for termination

CordeliaFoxx Sat 01-Aug-15 19:29:08

Why might he be going to prison? completely missed that but the first time I read it.

Cookiesandcream123 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:30:10

He was a family friend - although this is no explanation. I just can't give one other than pure stupidly and maybe loneliness (pathetic I know)

KittyandTeal Sat 01-Aug-15 19:32:54

Cookies, I feel for you, I really do. You are in an insufferably difficult situation.

I understand why you might want to say something was medically wrong with the baby but please don't.

Opt for something vague if you do decide to terminate; 'the baby died'. Not untrue, you're not claiming you had a miscarriage but equally you are not telling people you had a tfmr.

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