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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Abortion help

(4 Posts)
DJBH123 Sat 20-Jun-15 11:57:08

Hi there
I am new to mumsnet, but am in a real desperate situation. I am 10 weeks pregnant. We planned for a baby and I was really happy when I found out.
However, I have had deep anxiety issues for most of my life and I am not coping. I have had to reduce my medication but feel like I am getting somewhere with treating my anxiety, and having a baby now will distract me from dealing with something that has had a severe impact on my life.
My anxiety always manifests in relationships, and even though married, my main fear is that my relationship will not work out and having a baby puts extra pressure on it having to. Part of my treatment is to not feel scared of my marriage not working, having a baby fills me with fear that I won't be able to be true to myself.
I have told my husband and he is beyond devastated and says that he is not sure if he can support my decision. He isn't the most empathetic of men and i worry that he can't think of me and how much i am hurting, because of how he feels.
I am destroying him and now all i can think of is him and his needs, whilst being an anxious mess about my own condition. If I go through with it I am going to resent him for not giving me the choice. If i don't, we might not recover. Does that mean we aren't right for each other anyway.
What a mess.

Lweji Sat 20-Jun-15 18:04:05

How are you being treated for your anxiety?

If you are having counselling, have you talked to your therapist? And what sort of therapy are you having?

It's not clear, but have you decided to abort the baby?

Not a therapist, but I think it may be useful to break down what your fears are and make a plan about how to address what may happen.
You won't be solely responsible for the baby, your husband will be too. Don't forget that.

thisisnow Sun 21-Jun-15 09:14:04

I think seeing a therapist is a good idea. I had a termination which my partner was against and it was very hard to rebuild the relationship afterwards. I too had anxiety and depression and this is what led me to terminate. Sadly I don't know if it was the right thing or not. I think talking to someone is a good idea, hope you're ok flowers

judyisapunk Mon 22-Jun-15 10:57:58

Hi there, I'm so sorry you're feeling so desperate. I've been there and I know how frightening and overwhelming it is. I'm sure the thought of a baby whilst you're feeling so anxious feels totally impossible, but remember, it is very likely it is the pregnancy hormones that are making you feel this way, and you will not be alone through pregnancy and beyond - your husband is with you, and there is lots and lots of support out there.

I certainly felt like I could 'fix everything' i.e get my mental health and my mind back, if I was no longer pregnant, but in my case it didn't work like that. I had a termination and once I regained a sense of myself, I was uttered devastated and literally couldn't believe what I'd done, and I have struggled to come to terms with it.

I would really urge you to speak to your GP as soon as possible. If you feel unable to explain how you feel (I couldn't really articulate what was wrong with me, and I withdrew completely into myself), try to write it down, or ask someone you trust to come with you and advocate for you. Please, please, try to get as much help as you can - therapy, medication if needed, and don't feel rushed into making a decision.

I have done so much reading and research about this since it happened to me, and I've had quite a number of women PM me to say they experienced something very similar. You are not alone.

Thinking of you, and sending support. Please feel free to PM me x

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