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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Surgical termination tomorrow, will I be ok?

(4 Posts)
TookMe4Weeks Mon 15-Jun-15 14:18:04

Hi there,

I am just 8 weeks pregnant. I have a one year old son who I am completely besotted with. However the last two years have been a mammoth journey.

About my first pregnancy, in brief:
- I had only been with my partner for 5 months when I got pregnant (Although it was sort of planned just very very quick!)
- I was sick as a dog until I was 16 weeks, which then turned into some sort of antenatal depression for the rest of the pregnancy
- just before I gave birth I sold my business that I had founded 10 years earlier, so I really did change so much in one go
- my partner and I didn't even move in together until the baby was 5 months old, so throughout my miserable pregnancy and those first 5 months I lived alone with baby in my single girl's apartment, feeling very very alone (this was not the intended plan, we were trying to buy a place, failed, so finally rented a place together, which is working just fine for now)
- within 2 months of giving birth I developed crippling post natal anxiety and depression which got worse and worse...I thought I would die from this
- it took until my son was 7 months old to start a proper SSRI, which I am very happy to say has really worked...

So after a very tough time I have found myself in a great place. My relationship is fantastic and what I always hoped it would be, my son is the best thing in my whole world (the nightmare seems more than worth it), work is going well again, our home is happy etc etc. And my partner and I joke regularly that we will NEVER have another child. He has two gorgeous kids from his first marriage, so he has three and I have one.

And then 4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant...an irresponsible accident, and mistake. Without letting this turn into a monster story, it has taken me 4 weeks and two hospital admissions for Hyperesemis to conclude that under no circumstances do I want another baby (exactly as we have agreed all along). I am booked for a termination and to have my tubes tied tomorrow. I am nearly 40 and am 100% sure of both these procedures.

So what am I asking....
- why did it take me 4 weeks to get the bloody termination in process?
- why did I find the scan quite traumatic this morning (scan so my gynaecologist could date the pregnancy prior to surgery)?
- why am I finding the clear judgement from my family so difficult (we had to tell some family as it was my son's Christening recently and I had my head down the loo for most of the event, so pretty obvious)?
- why do I feel the desperate need to have people say kind things to me about this to justify my decision?
- even though he supports me totally, why do I feel that every time my partner looks at me sideways he is thinking what a total cow I am to do this?

I just don't know what is happening to me....I am still very dehydrated from the Hyperesemis (so much I am being admitted tonight early to get fully hydrated before the procedure tomorrow pm). So maybe I am not of sound mind...

I literally have shuddered at the notion of EVER going through pregnancy or the newborn stage ever ever again...as I write this I feel so excited it is nearly all over. Is it totally normal to ask a few questions just before a termination, even though the decision is clearly the right one?

rememberthisname Mon 15-Jun-15 19:22:08

Hi. I had a surgical termination almost 2 weeks ago. The time leading up to it was worse than the event and I have physically recovered quickly. I am happy to answer your questions.

Hellen77 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:07:14

Have you had your termination? It sounds like you certainly had a very rough time. But I think you sound like you are having some thoughts and questions that you need to think carefully about and yes I can imagine this is is hard when you are feing really sick. I know after my abortion it felt like a cloud lifted and I couldn't believe what I had done and I know that sickness and depression weighted against my rationale decision making. In your case (and I don't need to state the obvious) I would probably be swayed by whether I could at all possibly soldier through the next 9 months to give my son a sibling.

MTWTFSS Thu 18-Jun-15 08:17:52

TookMe4Weeks How are you?

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