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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Not one good thing about having another child but so emotional about alternative

(7 Posts)
GlitteringJasper Fri 12-Jun-15 10:44:03

I've a 2 year old and a just 6 month old and was so happy with my dd and ds.

I've fallen pregnant after a contraceptive and MAP failure and am around 3-4 weeks now.

I can't think of a single good thing about having another baby.

I'd planned to go part time as we could just afford it with 2 dc but with a third I'd have to work full time as I'm the highest earner.

I don't want 3 children as even after childcare costs are gone, we couldn't afford to give 3 dc the things we'd like to.

I suffer with horrendous morning sickness so being pregnant with a 2 year old and a a baby is more than I can cope with.

I have no family support.

My dh works shifts so isn't around every evening or weekend.

I thought I was fine with the idea of a termination until I rang to speak to the lady and practically as soon as she answered I started crying.

I feel so ashamed made worse by the fact that I'm from N Ireland where termination is mostly illegal so I have to travel to get it.

I'm having to push thoughts of what if its a boy or girl out of my head. I'm feel so guilty.

I'm totally confused.

I'm so worried that I'd arrive at the clinic and be heckled by anti abortion protestors. I honestly never, ever thought I'd be facing this choice.

plinkyplonks Fri 12-Jun-15 11:07:41

Although you think having another baby is financially a bad idea...

Do you want this baby?

TheLastPickleInTheJar Fri 12-Jun-15 22:59:32

Glittering sad

Termination is often the 'least worst' choice. Not the best choice or the right choice. Barely even a choice.

It's hard and the decision gets clouded by morals and ethics and religion and 'what would people think?'. You have to dig deep and try to work out what the best thing for you is.

You don't mention your dp. is he supporting you?

I'm sorry you're finding yourself here. You did everything you possibly could to prevent this thanks

TheLastPickleInTheJar Sat 13-Jun-15 06:34:57

When i said you don't mention your dp i meant you haven't said whether you've told him and what he thinks. I hope you're able to talk to him about it and i hope he's supportive.

There's no shame in it. Please don't feel ashamed.

Softcookie Sun 14-Jun-15 18:32:49

I was in a similar position less than 2 months ago. It is absolutely awful to feel this way. What helped me to decide in the end was to stop thinking about what the right choice was - there isn't a right or wrong choice- but to think about what would be the choice id least regret regretting - if that makes sense. I looked at myself in the mirror one morning and thought - is rather regret an abortion than a child.

In the end I miscarried but once I had reached that clarity and id admitted to myself that there was a chance I would regret a living person, I felt I could go ahead. It was absolutely horrendous and not something I ever want to live through again, but people on here and some excellent medical professionals IRL helped me framed choice in rational and moral terms that made sense to me.

I wish you strength and peace of mind. Whatever you decide, remember that you matter, your existing children and family matter - and you will be ok. Be kind to yourself.

Softcookie Sun 14-Jun-15 18:33:37

I meant I felt I could go ahead with a termination - that wasn't clear, sorry.

Brightonmumtoatoddler Tue 16-Jun-15 07:14:32

If you do come to England to have it done and need support from someone who has been in your position (and who will also take pleasure in telling the self righteous anti abortionists to FUCK OFF) then come to brighton and I'll come with you.
There's a clinic here, they are really nice and so am I. (Except to anti abortionists).

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