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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Failed abortion

(29 Posts)
Favouritethings Tue 09-Jun-15 18:21:28

I had a medical abortion 4 weeks ago which I found out today has failed. I am now 13 weeks pregnant. I'm booked in for a surgical abortion under GA tomorrow. The nurse said if I were to continue with the pregnancy there's a higher risk of the child having abnormalities eg limb formation and brain development. They could not see if the baby has any such abnormalities until 20wk scan. I'm torn whether to carry on with the abortion which they now strongly asvise, or continue with the pregnancy and pray that the failed abortion has not caused such damage.

PotteringAlong Tue 09-Jun-15 18:23:27

What's changed between now and then to make you want to continue?

Favouritethings Tue 09-Jun-15 18:27:00

I think that's it's further along and just shock that it's still there. The reasons for initially choosing to terminate are still there. I think I'm just feeling emotional, shocked, guilty and pretty scared about tomorrow tbh

Mangolimes Tue 09-Jun-15 18:28:57

Gosh, what a horrible thing to happen. I am sorry. flowers

I think given the advice of the medical professionals it might be wise to go along with the original plan <hug> but I know I would be wondering if this procedure failing initially was a sign the baby was 'meant' to live, or similar. It must be so very hard.

Do you feel you could cope with potentially terminating at 20 weeks if something untoward was revealed?

Starlightbright1 Tue 09-Jun-15 18:30:10

This is a no one can tell you what to do but could you cope with a baby with disabilities..If this is harder now then will be even harder at 20 weeks.

Favouritethings Tue 09-Jun-15 18:30:26

I had thought about that but I feel uneasy about waiting then terminating on the basis that there is damage
Had the it's meant to live feelings

Favouritethings Tue 09-Jun-15 18:31:17

I have two very full on young boys, I'm exhausted as it is sad

Mangolimes Tue 09-Jun-15 18:33:24

As someone has said, we can't tell you what to do but terminating on the basis of damage is sometimes the kindest and most humane thing to do flowers

I think a lot of the time with abortion, no one 100% wants to 'have an abortion' or 'continue with the pregnancy' - it's often mixed feelings, even if those feelings are an 80/20 split, for instance.

I wouldn't continue with this pregnancy for any other reason than 'I think I want to have this baby.'

flowers

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Tue 09-Jun-15 18:34:02

If nothing has changed except that as well as all the other reasons for terminating you also have a huge new one: a high risk of severe abnormalities....surely there is no decision to make?
It's shitty that this has happened but its not your fault, its a risk of the procedure. Can you try to think of it as a process that has already started that now you just need to complete?
You have nothing to feel guilty about. You're just doing what you need to do. Stay strong.

Favouritethings Tue 09-Jun-15 18:34:18

I feel worse doing it at 13 weeks than at 9, I think I'd feel even worse at 20wks

Mangolimes Tue 09-Jun-15 18:36:18

In that case, you have the very difficult decision of leaving it in the lap of the Gods and potentially making a decision that might be even more heartbreaking, or terminating as planned.

I just feel very sorry you are in this position and remember whatever decision you make will be right for you. X

Favouritethings Tue 09-Jun-15 18:36:54

You all speak wise words. Just needed to voice my thoughts really I suppose. I will go tomorrow, I've never had GA before either, I'm very scared

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Tue 09-Jun-15 18:54:22

The procedure itself is very quick, you are barely under the GA at all before you're right back out. Please try not to worry about that part, its incredibly safe.

Favouritethings Tue 09-Jun-15 18:59:18

Thank you so much

tocmrpouce Tue 09-Jun-15 19:03:56

Poor you, this must be so tough. I'd say that you need to stick with your original decision.

The procedure itself will be very quick and the GA is nothing to worry about.

Take care flowers

purplemurple1 Tue 09-Jun-15 19:04:18

In your position I would go ahead with your termination.
The procedure is quick and physically painless some people feel a little quesy after the ga so its good if someone can pick you up and you can take it easy for a day or two. Personally I was starving after and went for pizza!

myermay1 Tue 09-Jun-15 22:09:18

An awful situation to be in, I truly understand how you feel. Very similar thing happened to me a few months ago, only difference was It wasn't living, however I had left over "product" as they called it removed 10 wks after the pill I took.

Everyone has given such great advise, you must think of yourself and your existing family, it's a massive risk to take to continue with this pg. The operation is over very quickly, I think I was out for just over an hour and the staff all made it more bareable .

Good luck with tomorrow

TheLastPickleInTheJar Tue 09-Jun-15 23:28:13

I think you've had good advice on this thread op and i would agree with it.

Good luck thanks

AlpacaMyBags Tue 09-Jun-15 23:58:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

withalittlebitofluck Wed 10-Jun-15 00:07:19

Good luck tomorrow op. flowers

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 10-Jun-15 00:17:14

OP a friend of mine had this scenario, information she found on the Internet led her to believe the risk of the baby having disabilities was no greater than the risk for Downs. You might want to check this out for yourself.

My friend was found to be carrying some left over products of conception rather than a viable pregnancy.

Apparently the risk of failure with medical terminations is one in thirty which seems terribly high to me.

Yellowbird01 Wed 10-Jun-15 00:21:45

In your position Id go ahead with thse surgical abortion

Best of luck flowers

HerrenaHarridan Wed 10-Jun-15 00:35:00

Personally I don't beleive that the world works in meant to be kind of ways.

There is a statistical possibility and you fell in that statistic.

I would recommend that you go ahead with the termination if you feel able.

Bringing another baby into your lives is not right at this time, you already deliberated that.
Wether or not it would be born disabled is IMO irrelevant to this.

What is relevant is that if it is born disabled you are going to beat yourself up about the failed abortion all day everyday.
I have to constantly fight the urge to blame myself for my dds disability and realistically it is in no way my fault.
Please seek counselling to help you through this xxx

Favouritethings Wed 10-Jun-15 15:13:25

Thank you all, I've just got back home from the clinic. I went through with the surgical abortion, the GA was fine and the staff were wonderful. Feeling a bit tired and tender but otherwise fine. I feel as though I have made the right decision xxxx

PotteringAlong Wed 10-Jun-15 15:15:20

flowers

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