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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Second termination this year?

(14 Posts)
PeutEtreHier Fri 01-May-15 21:37:36

Positive test today.

Had a termination in February at 7 weeks. Was on the pill/bleeding continuously until end of April. Stopped taking pill as husband and I sleeping in separate rooms, separating etc. Coerced into sex I didn't really want and am pregnant again.
Can't face another termination but can't have this baby. Have a 20m old son and have been attempting to leave since he was conceived. Minimum wage job/ high earner husband and no family support mean that I still have nowhere to go.
What to do?

Smallblackcat2 Fri 01-May-15 22:27:05

Things happen that aren't perfect. You are only human so please don't beat yourself up. It's your decision and only you know what is right for you. Go with your gut reaction. Big hugs

mammuzzamia Fri 01-May-15 22:32:26

I'm worried that you were coerced into sex. Can you call somebody like Women's Aid to help you get away from him?

I don't want to advise you about what to do about the pregnancy but it's not your fault and you shouldn't be unkind to yourself if you do have another termination.

anothernumberone Fri 01-May-15 22:32:29

That is a horrible situation. I think you should contact women's aid for advice about the separation. I would go to the GP for advice on termination and I would say everything you said here so it is fully documented. I am so sorry things are so tough flowers.

mammuzzamia Sun 03-May-15 00:22:12

How are things today, Peut?

PeutEtreHier Sun 03-May-15 12:57:47

I really don't know what to do. Can't face my GP.

PeutEtreHier Sun 03-May-15 13:01:12

Women's aid are absolutely no use. Went through the process of looking for hostel accommodation in February but no one would allow me to stay in area, which would have meant losing my job. My only source of income and they were so blasé about waiting for benefits to come in. Expecting me to just give up a job with no prospect of being able to provide for my son.

Jackieharris Sun 03-May-15 13:16:09

Can you move into a private let?

You are right- the homeless system whether via women's aid or not doesn't work well for anyone in work.

'Supported' temp/hostel accommodation is very expensive and it's assumed you would be on full HB to get it.

But you do need help and to get out of this situation.

Do you have a sympathetic employer? Could you take a bit of time away, even if unpaid?

As for top. What happened in feb is irrelevant. Base your choice on the here and now.

PeutEtreHier Sun 03-May-15 13:43:48

I'm looking at moving to a private let, but it's taking so long. I'm on minimum wage, so for the hours I work in the week it only just covers the cost of childcare. It's only the weekend hours that I actually make any money from, and once expenses like car insurance are deducted, doesn't leave a lot to save. My husband is a higher rate tax payer, so I'm not eligible for any benefits whilst living with him.
Husband currently interviewing in the Emirates, so potentially leaves me in the situation of being able to stay in the house but no idea how I'd manage to afford to mortgage.
I have no idea how other people manage.

ImperialBlether Sun 03-May-15 13:50:58

Get yourself sorted out at the doctor's and explain the situation to them. It sounds absolutely horrific. I hope you find the strength to separate from him. thanks

Lolipoplady Tue 05-May-15 21:58:05

Oh OP I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation flowers Would it be possible to go to a family planning clinic rather than your GP, would that be easier?

And as others have said, regarding termination, do what feels right for you in THIS situation, doesn't matter what happened in February. Take care xx

Patchworkpatty Wed 20-May-15 19:53:47

As you are in the fortunate position of being married (I know it doesn't feel very fortunate at the moment) could you get a free half hour solicitors advice and then get them to apply for interim maintenance order ? as he is a high earner ? at least enough for flat deposit ?.

PeutEtreHier Sat 23-May-15 17:32:31

Think I'm going to go ahead with it. But am just completely disengaged. Haven't seen a GP or referred to midwifery service. I just can't engage with what's happening at the moment. I'm still functioning on a day-to-day level, but can't seem to engage with what's actually happening.

Estate agents coming out to value the house next week. We're threshing out a financial settlement re the house equity. I need to hand in my notice at work at some point, and actually move as I won't be living in this area post-separation. But I just feel so sick, and tired. And the thought of everything I need to do, and how I'm going to manage just exhausts me.

Literally noone to talk to about any of this. At work as normal today, then I'm back home to sit alone in my room tonight, before coming back to work again tomorrow. I'm living in the twilight zone.

lagirafe Sat 06-Jun-15 20:04:49

Hi flowers

Are you working full or part time?

I have been in a DV situation myself and I know the support workers from my refuge visit all sorts of women in the community (not necessarily planning on moving to the refuge) so it might be worth calling Women's Aid back and seeing if they can refer you for some support?
At least then you will have someone on your side who can help with all the practical things and who has done it all before....

Good luck x

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